


Loosen up

by Kuvira



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Awkward Flirting, Bad Decisions, Bad Flirting, Bitchslapping, Darth Tantrum and his Evil Space Ginger, Drunken Flirting, Eventual Romance, F/M, Flirting, Force Choking, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Kylo Ren Throws A Tantrum, Romance, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Threats of Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-08-14 17:30:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 50,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8022814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuvira/pseuds/Kuvira
Summary: You get assigned as Kylo Ren's personal assistant, and well..things don't go as planned.(reader has no force sensitivity whatsoever)





	1. Unfortunate

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone.  
> I'm not the most skilled writer and English is not my native language,  
> This is one of my first attempts to write a fanfic so please go easy on me :)  
> If you have tips or advise however you are most welcome to share that in the comments!  
> I hope you enjoy reading this piece of trash. 
> 
> NOTE : there is no (insert hair) or (insert name) stuff anywhere,, I chose a name and a look,, but feel free to imagine it with your own name and look !! :)  
> Drawings also done by me.

**A long time ago  
** **in a galaxy far,  
** **far away.....  
** **Two young girls  
** **have a job interview  
** **at the StarKiller Base.  
** **Full of hope and enthusiasm  
** **they await their fate  
** **and gossip about handsome men on the base,  
** **Because,  
** **What else are they supposed to talk about.**

 

You and your friend Zazu are eagerly waiting at the Starkiller Base, To hear which person you will be appointed to as a personal assistant. As the hours go by after you had both done your interview with the General, Zazu and yourself discuss the possibilities and which one would be best. There is another girl present, but her body language dictates she does not want to talk with either of you.

"So, There is Captain Phasma, Lieutenant Mitaka and of course General Hux." Your friend says, smiling when she spoke of the General.

"He is quite handsome isn't he?" You tease her. Though you must admit you wouldn't mind being his assistant all day and night.

Zazu continued her list of names of people you might had to work for in the future.  
"I don't think i ever met Commander Ren. Isn't.Isn't he one of those 'Force users' ?." Zazu says, whispering that last part, as if it was some kind of taboo.

You tense up however when you think about the fact that one of you might have to work for him.

You have heard about him, and none of the things people told you about Commander Ren were slightly positive.

The door opens and the three of you stand up quickly when a Storm Trooper enters the room.

"I will now escort each of you to your new living quarters, if you would follow me." He turns around and walks through the hallway in a quick pace, You try to follow him as best as you can, While Zazu pesters him with questions.

"Who are we appointed to?"

"Do we have our own rooms?"

"When is lunchtime?"

You were too busy examining the base to have all these questions on your mind.

there was hall after hall after hall..they all looked the same. typically plain with white or grey walls. Well what did you expect from a military base after all?

The Trooper eventually led you to an elevator and pressed several buttons. You examined the other girl who was with you and Zazu and wondered if she would ever talk to either of you.  
You arrived at a white sliding door when the Trooper handed a map and a card to each of you.

"This will be the key to your living quarters, don't lose it. You may now enter your new home, a trooper will fetch you for lunch, after that you will be expected to get back here on time, there will be a tour at exactly 2 o'clock."

The three of you enter the living space and are surprised by how big it is.  
There is an open kitchen with a kitchen island and some bar stools,

white sofa's with a huge soft looking carpet underneath it,  
a fireplace, 2 doors which led to a bathroom with a walk in shower and a bath, the other to a toilet and a bidet - You both laugh because, well...Didn't only posh people use a special little bath to wash their genitals?  
There were 3 separate bedrooms, each bedroom already had luggage in them, and a small device on the nightstand, which was used to let the assistant know her boss needed something.  
You had the room on the right, Zazu had a room next to you. The other girl entered her room and unpacked her things.  
On your nightstand you put a picture of your deceased older brother and looked at it for a couple of minutes.  
The bed spread was all white and boring, so you put your pink blanket over it and placed a Banta plushie next to the pillow.  
The walls were all empty except for one mirror. As you put your last pair of shoes in the closet, you notice a hidden bookshelf with about 5 books on it.  
You honestly can't remember when was the last time you held a real book.  
When you're finally done, you head out to the main common room.

there was a metal name plate on each door, the stranger's plate read 'Jodee' .  
You snap out of it as soon as you noticed Jodie was staring at you.

You don't get the chance to apologize when you both get distracted by a high pitched squeal coming from the kitchen.  
The both of you hurry to see what was worth squealing about when you see Zazu holding up what seemed to be a pair of black leggings and a night blue tunic with long wide sleeves.  
There was a First Order logo patched on each shoulder.

"Our uniforms!" She looked in one of the mirrors and held the tunic before her.  
Her light blueish skin colour matched the dark blue clothing piece perfectly.  
after the three of you finished unpacking your suit cases and put on your new uniforms, there was a knock on the door.  
"Must be the storm trooper." Zazu mumbled while putting on some mascara.  
You did the same and made some last adjustments to your black curly hair.

\-------------------------

The mess hall was enormous and bustling, The crowd consisted mostly of Storm troopers, who's faces were now all visible. The three of you picked up a platter and waited in line to get served. You didn't go unnoticed by the soldiers eating their lunch, as most of them invited you to join their table or asked your name. "Hey hunny what's your name?!" One shouted in your direction. You don't immediately answer it, But Zazu seems eager to socialize with the handsome men  
sitting at the table next to the waiting line.  
Zazu talked with a guy who's name was a whole line of random numbers and letters, How in the hell could you ever pick up girls with such a name?!  
The guy who shouted at you walks over and makes a small curtsy while kissing your right hand.  
"My my is it refreshing to see you three ladies entering the room." He says and smiles. His was a friendly smile, not creepy.  
You smile and tilt your head a bit. "I'd ask for your name but i'm not sure i would remember it."  
He lets out a laugh and shakes his head. The young man had bright blue eyes and short brown hair and the most perfectly thick eyebrows which made his eyes stand out even more. You checked out the food that was available, today's menu didn't look too bad. Burgers with potatoes and fresh vegetables, pinkish jello as desert.  
"Are you sure you won't join us,darling?" The man asks you again but you politely decline.  
You choose a table in the far corner of the room, and sit down in front of Zazu. Jodie seems unsure whether it would be okay to join you or not, so Zazu signs her to sit next to her.

"So Jodee, Where are you from?" Zazu asks and takes a bite off her burger.  
"I was born on Takodana."  
"How old are you?"  
"I'm 24.."  
It was clear she felt awkward having all these questions thrown at her, so you decide to tell a bit about yourself as well.  
"Zazu and I are from Coruscant, We're both 23 years old."  
The conversation didn't go as smoothly as you had hoped, so you focus on your food instead.  
You head back to your quarters and use the map to make sure you don't get lost.  
Your quarters was in block C ,hallway 318.  
Jodee eventually saved you all from walking in the opposite direction and pointed out your map was upside down.

"Shit, I already forgot my key." Zazu notes and you open the door for her.

\-------------------------

It doesn't take long for another storm trooper to fetch you and give you a brief tour of the places you were to be in the future.  
you are again led through hall after hall after hall, until you reach a more busy area. People from all over seem to be busy with papers and other official business.  
"We are now in the control area, which has several control rooms. You are not to make any unnecessary noise or movement when inside."  
He pointed to another door.  
"When you are in this area and your master asks you to bring him a Coffee or any other beverage, You make one in that room. There is no need to go to the main kitchen as your master will have to wait longer, and you do not want them to have to wait longer than expected."  
The trooper now leads you to the opposite direction, through a long hallway that somehow looks nicer than all the others. there are only three large doors present, and you figure this must be where the elite lives. Every Room is guarded by two storm troopers. As you pass the last door , He stops. The Trooper takes out a piece of paper and reads:  
"Jodee Parkin, you are assigned to General Hux."  
He points at the door in the middle.

There is a disappointed wail coming from both Zazu and yourself.  
"Zazu Edas'Olugii, assigned to Captain Phasma"

You wait anxiously as the Trooper is going to tell you who you will be working for.  
"Nima Norto'ott , you are assigned to Commander Ren."

 

_Nima Norto'ott, you are assigned to Commander ren_

\-------------------------

You find this information hard to swallow, as you stand ready in front of the Commander's door. Each of you knocked on the door in front of you, waiting for your new boss to let you inside. Captain Phasma is the first to answer the door, and politely welcomes Zazu into her quarters. The second one to go is Jodee, who immediately blushes when the General welcomes her so kindly.

You patiently wait a few more minutes until you think it is acceptable to knock again. You knock exactly 3 times when someone suddenly opens the door, which startles you. You look up to see a tall dark looming figure and without realizing it you take a step back. You stare at his mask as he looks down to you, he is so intimidating it feels like he is already crushing you like a bug, unworthy of standing in his presence. Your wide brown eyes stare into the black slit of his mask and you close your mouth when you realize it was slightly open.

 

 

\-------------------------

 

You try to introduce yourself as politely as possible. Commander Ren doesn't say a word until you get inside and the door closes.

"I did not ask for an assistant, nor do i still desire one." A distorted voice comes from behind his mask.

Kylo Ren turns around and stands in front of his window.

"However, i will grant you one chance to prove yourself worthy of this task."

You let out a sigh of relieve when you know you're not going to get fired on the first day, not yet anyway.


	2. Morning person

You enter the living room where Zazu and Jodee are already sitting, they look up in surprise when they see you and make room for you on the couch. You let yourself fall into the soft cushions of the sofa and close your eyes for a minute.

"So...how was it?" Zazu wants to know.

"..." You open your mouth but can't really find the right words to describe what was the most awkward afternoon in the history of the whole Galaxy.

Zazu notices your discomfort but doesn't comment on it. She knows how much you hate it when people bother you with questions you do not want to answer yet.

"Phasma wants me to join her every morning at 5 o'clock for her daily exercise routine. She wants me to be able to keep up with her." 

You appreciate her self mockery in order to move the attention away from you.

You look at Zazu and smile. "You're terrible at sports and you hate getting sweaty." 

"I do!" Zazu huffs. 

 

\-------------------------

The next morning, you awaken at 6 o'clock and take a quick shower. You get dressed and wait a few minutes For Jodee so you can get breakfast together in the mess hall. You put on a blue hairband and head out the door.

"So I heard there is a special common room on the base to relax and hang out with other employees." Jodee says, trying to keep up with your quick pace.

"Cool we should check it out sometime." You smile at Jodee and enter the mess hall with her.

If nothing she seems excited about your reaction wanting to hang out with her. You realize it must be more difficult to be here when you don't already have a best friend on the base.

You wait in line and see Zazu sitting at a table with a tall strong looking woman. You grab some toast and jam and pour yourself and Jodee a cup of coffee. The boy you met yesterday approaches you. 

"Good morning, ladies!"

He seems way too cheerful for this time of day. both Jodee and you reply with a 'good morning' and you secretly hope you don't look as tired as you feel. 

"How did you find your first night on the base?" 

"It was fine i guess. The mattress isn't that bad and there are no bugs at all." 

He chuckles and pours himself a cup of tea.

"Me and some other guys are playing poker tonight in the common room. Please feel free to join us." 

"We'll check our schedule." Jodee replies quickly and gives him a faint smile.

"Great! have a good day then." He bows joke fully and heads back to his table.

You both head to Zazu's table but don't immediately take a seat. Captain Phasma looks up and gives you a polite nod. 

"Good morning Captain, may we join you?"

"Why of course." She makes room for you to put your platter on the table and shuffles a bit to the right. Zazu is quieter than usual, mainly because of Phasma's presence, and it is most refreshing.

As you sip your coffee, You study Phasma's face. She doesn't have that hard look on her face, the one she usually has when not wearing her mask.  
You wonder about her, her youth, her life back home, her complete backstory. Something about her fascinates you, probably the huge amount of respect you have for such a strong female leader.

"You can go and change your clothes first, the meeting is at 10 sharp. After that we'll have to go through the -" Phasma's list of things Zazu needs to do gets interrupted by a sudden noise coming out of your back pocket. "Excuse me." You get up and leave the mess hall immediately. You hadn't even touched your toast. You hurry through the halls as fast as your legs allow you to walk, and enter one of the elevators. you fix your hair while going up and make sure your eyeliner isn't completely worthless. When you finally do manage to find your way back to Commander Ren's room, you knock three times. The door flings open but he's not standing in front of it. a moment of hesitation fills your mind until it has to make room for something else. 

_Don't just stand there, enter._

You look around you even though you're sure the voice wasn't coming from outside or inside the room. 

_Enter the room, now._

You do as you're told and the door immediately shuts behind you. There, Kylo Ren is sitting at a small table, with a stack of papers lying in front of him.

"Good morning, sir." You make a quick bow and approach him.

He doesn't bother answering you, because you're a worthless piece of shit who could easily be replaced at any second.

"Throw these in the fire."  
You look at the papers and pick them up, you glance over them and catch a few words ;

**Resistance , Solo , Skywalker**

_I told you to burn them, not to read them._

"I wasn't -"

Your hands let go of the papers as your body gets smashed to the floor. You crawl onto your hands and knees and see the commander stretch his arm in your direction, but before you can do anything, your face is kissing the cold marble floor again.

"Don't. Lie. to me. Ever. Again."

\-------------------------

Your hands are touching a soft fabric when you slowly get back to your senses. You carefully open your eyes and look around. Your throbbing head is lying on a pillow and you spot a movement in the corner of your eye. You Jerk away from a sudden hand nearing your face. Your vision is too blurry to see who or what it is.

"Sshh it's just me..." Your body relaxes once you recognize Zazu's voice.

a cold washcloth touches your forehead.

"Wha..What time is it?"

"Don't worry about that..." Zazu shushes you as she continued taking care of you. You can see her more clearly now, and you're relieved to see you're in your own room.

Did the Commander bring you here himself?  
You try to remember exactly what happened or went wrong.

**Resistance , Solo , Skywalker**

Your eyes widen as you realize you saw something you probably weren't suppose to see, which didn't make Ren angry, it made him furious. Furious enough to smack your face against the floor. You can't even remember feeling him touching you, you would have remembered a leather glove touching you.  
Then a flashback appears where his arm was stretched out in your direction. Did he really just use the Force against his own defenseless employee?

"I'm scared....for my safety.." You mumble even though you're trying your hardest to speak loud and clear.

"Why are you scared? Nobody is going to hurt you. You just tripped, it can happen to anyone." 

Your heart sunk to your stomach when the words hit you. 

You just...Tripped ? She doesn't know, and if she doesn't know, nobody else probably knows.  
For all she knows you really did trip and Commander Ren was so kind to put you in bed.

"Right..I'm being stupid.." 

"Just get some rest, i'm sure you'll feel better tomorrow." 

The thought of him carrying you through the halls makes you shiver. You're glad he can use the force, Because you never want that man to touch you with his own hands, ever.

 

\-------------------------

You strongly consider to take the first ship and leave this planet for good, but your instincts tell you otherwise. Kylo Ren doesn't want people to know he had hurt you, and you couldn't risk leaving without a solid reason. Why would you suddenly leave your job on the second day when you get paid a shit ton of money to stay in a luxurious room and occasionally have to grab a coffee for your boss? You gather all your courage the next morning and join him in the control room where he and General Hux are having a heated discussion. Jodee is there, awkwardly standing behind the two men. You join her and wait for them to finish their talk. When they eventually do end their conversation, Kylo Ren turns around and storms past you, completely ignoring you. General Hux gives you a look when you don't follow him right away. You try to keep up with Ren's pace until he gets in one of the elevators. You manage to hop in right before the door closes. Anxiety fills you up when you're standing in the narrow elevator right next to the Commander.

_You're still here._

He's using his powers to put his voice inside your head again. You take a deep breath.

"I am, sir."

He steps out of the elevator and makes sure you step out as well before he continues his storm through the halls. Once inside, He enters his bedroom and closes the door behind him. You take that as a hint not to bother him further, but decide to stay and wait in his quarters for a while.

\-------------------------

5 days go by fast when all you have to do is sit and wait in his quarters all day, You wonder if he is still alive. When he doesn't get out at sunset, you head back to your room. Zazu is decorating her Lekku with a set of silver ribbons when you walk in.

"We're heading to the common room, You coming?" 

You nod and enter your room to change into something else.

 

\-------------------------

 

"You're cheating!" You yell at one of the storm troopers when he tried to look into your cards.

The handsome stormtrooper you occasionally meet in the mess hall completely distracts you from your horrible boss.

He puts on an a shocked expression as he says ; "who, me??! How could you accuse me of such a thing!" 

"Hey calm down Jekyll, I'm still going to win." You laugh. you hadn't felt this relaxed ever since you had set foot on Starkiller Base. This evening was just what you needed.

"That's your new name!" Zazu points at the trooper.

"Jekyll?" Jodee looks confused.

"Hey you can call me whatever you like as long as it's not insulting." He winks at you and you instantly start blushing.

You're still admiring his beauty when everyone around you stands up, filling the room with the sound of shrieking chairs. You turn your head to see what it was all about and see a flash of red move towards you. You and your friends get on your feet as the General approaches. 

"Please sit down, everyone." His smile is sweet and friendly, as if there was nothing to fear. He quickly notices you and the girls and makes it his priority to greet you. "Good evening, ladies. I am so sorry to interrupt but - Oh my, what lovely ribbons you're wearing, Edas'Olugii." 

He gets distracted by Zazu's beauty immediately.

"Thank you kindly, General. Please do call me Zazu." She says with a coy smile.

Your face turns sour because you already had a little too much to drink and you find that nobody is actually good enough for your beautiful friend.

The general noticed that and turns his attention to you. "How are you feeling, miss Norto'ott ? I heard you had a rough couple of days.If there is _anything_ I can do for you please, do ask." 

While he seems concerned and charming, you have an off feeling about the words leaving his lips. As if he knows what happened. "I am fine General, thank you."

He gives you a nod and already starts walking away when he summons Jodee to follow him. When Jodee leaves, You and Zazu separate yourselves from the group and sit back on one of the sofa's.The game couldn't continue anyway with only 3 players left.

You have some quality time with your best friend, and even though your head is filled again with worries, you relax and try to have a nice chat.

"I am SO envious of Jodee you know." 

"Don't be. Didn't you see the way he acts towards her?"

"It isn't the general's fault Jodee's a bit awkward." Zazu giggles and sips her drink. "Anyway, how are you and the mask doing?"

"The mask?"

"you know what i mean.How's it going? is he as scary as people say he is?"

So much for the nice chat.

"I wouldn't know. he's been locking himself up in his room for days now."

Zazu nearly spits out her drink. "What do you mean? You didn't see him at all?!"

"Nope."

"Nima,You can't just sit around all day and do nothing ! They'll fire you if they notice you're not an asset to the First Order, not to mention I'll be stuck here with Jodee and Captain Frisbee."

"Well I can't just force myself into his room can I? What if he just wants to be alone for a while and - wait did you just call her Captain Frisbee?"

 _Zazu i am so scared to even think about him why would I enter his bedroom for god sake._ You think to yourself and try to make peace with the fact the nice part of the evening is already over.

"Just a nickname i picked out. Look, you go over there, make him breakfast and let him know you're still there if he needs anything." 

"OK ok fine." You sink deeper into the soft cushion of the sofa and study your nails.

_How about I just agree with you so you leave me the hell alone. Kylo Ren can go fuck himself._

"So..You dislike Jodee..?" You ask after a few minutes of silence.

"Not particularly. I just don't feel a connection between us..Or maybe she's just shy...We've only met her a week ago..."


	3. Loyalty and friendship

You sit on your bed all night, checking Kylo Ren's schedule and reorganize it. His paperwork was a mess and he clearly did need an assistant. "Why does he keep ordering these things..." you murmur to yourself as you write something down. 

You're about to go to the bathroom when your beeper goes off. The light flickers red, which means it is very urgent. You hurry into the hallways and praise the universe you're still wearing your clothes from last night. once you get in the elevator, you practically murder the 'up' button and wonder what had happened and why it was so important for you to drop everything and go straight to his room. Which suddenly makes you a bit worried. When you arrive, the first thing you notice is that there are no stormtroopers guarding his quarters tonight. You didn't know what to expect when you knocked on that door, which immediately opened after the second knock. Before you can go in, Commander Ren steps out unexpectedly, making you bump right onto him. You stumble backwards but keep your eyes on the slit of his mask, until you feel two hands covered in leather grasping both of your wrists. You can't breathe and stare at him with fear and disbelief in your eyes. Was he really going to hurt you because of this ? 

"Calm down. I'm not going to hurt you." His voice sounded calm and almost caring.  
He let go of your wrists when he felt you were trying to relax.  
"Come with me."

The Commander leads you through a series of hallways, you wonder where it is you are going. You arrive at a large metal door , for which he uses the force to get it open. You're impressed when you watch him make those movements, opening this thick door. 

_That was so cool.._  
_Thank you._

You look in utter shock as Kylo Ren turns his head to you and thanks you with his mind. Can he hear you think ? Did he hear all the things you were thinking the past days or did he just now decide to invade your mind and privacy ? Wait, He can't hear you _right now_ can he ? A light chuckle comes from beneath his mask, as he walks through the door, making it clear that he can, in fact, hear your every thought. 

\-------------------------

The door leads you directly outside, into the snow. You cross your arms when the first bit of icy wind touches your cheekbone. Commander Ren marches through the snow in his black shiny boots, you try to follow him but your tiny legs can't match the pace of this force sensitive Giant. Oh wait..He can hear you..

"Where are we going, sir?" You try to ask him as you finally managed to keep up with him. He doesn't feel the need to answer your question however, and leads you further through the snow, into the woods. The sun is starting to rise and you're feeling more stiff by the minute. You've been walking through this cold for almost an hour wearing only a light robe and a pair of leggings. The Commander suddenly stops, and you look around to see what it was you had reached. But all you can see are pine trees and snow. You're too busy looking around to notice Commander Ren is now standing directly in front of you, a warm cloth suddenly hugs your frozen shoulders. You look up to see Kylo ren without his cloak, which makes him look even weirder than before. Oh, right. Mind reading. Shit. 

"T-t-thank you s-sir." You stutter as your teeth won't stop chattering against each other. You put the cloak's hood over your head and smile. That was actually quite nice of him. You would have never imagined him as a gentleman.

\-------------------------

he stops walking when you reach a cliff side. Kylo Ren watches as the sun slowly rises between two mountains. a few minutes go by of him just standing there, watching the sunrise, and you snuggling up into the warm cloak he just gave you. "Do you know anything about the First Order's secret weapon, and why we have such success?" He asks you, and you're not sure why. It is however one of the most beautiful sunrises you've ever seen.

"Is it Loyalty and friendship?" You joke, but he isn't into it.

"No it is not." 

He turns to you and rests his arms behind his back.  
"It is the sun.We are turning the sun into our weapon." 

You look at it and raise your eyebrows. "That's brutal.."

"Do you know why I am telling you this, girl?" 

You wonder if he forgot your name or if he is really as old as you believe he is. which is 50.

"Because you're proud of your accomplishment and want to share this with me, sir?" 

"Because if you ever betray me, cross me or try to act all innocent with me, I want you to know I will destroy your whole planet with just one little button."

Your expression is confused and a bit shocked, and you don't really know how to respond to that. He wasn't being serious, was he? The one moment he was kind enough to warm you up in his own clothes, seconds later he threatens you. You didn't understand this person at all, and you don't know how to act or behave to make him happy. "I won't betray you, sir. You have nothing to worry about I promise." You try. To you he just seems very paranoid of getting fucked over by people. Maybe he had had some really bad experiences in the past.. 

\-------------------------

You soon realize this was the only reason he summoned you at 4 am in the morning. To threaten you in the freezing cold, while watching a beautiful sunrise. He must get a kick out of this, you think. Why else would he go through all this trouble ? He liked scaring you, and keeping you on your toes, Leaving himself to be as unpredictable as possible to you. Maybe that's what he was afraid of. People getting to know him. 

When you're back in your quarters, you decide to take a long hot shower. Commander Ren was having a meeting with General Hux and some guy named Snoke, which meant you were free for at least a couple of hours. You make yourself an omelet and check your messages on the computer. There is an unread message from Jodee and a message from your parents. You decide to read your parents' message first ; it's them sending their love and asking if everything is going well. You vaguely consider telling them the truth, but you know better. Jodee's message is something else. 

"General Hux kindly requests you to make sure Commander Ren attends the Starkiller Ball. 

Many important guests from over the whole Galaxy who will also be staying here, 

would be most offended if Sir Ren didn't bother to show up. 

We are aware he keeps this from you and his schedule. You will find more details regarding the ball in the official invitation below. "

You burst out laughing when you're done reading the email, and open the attachment that is the official invitation, in it are more details like the date, time and place and how to get to the Starkiller base safely. There is a dress code and a list of forbidden objects. Your laugh almost turns into crying when you realize you're going to have to force Kylo Ren into a monkey suit. This was ridiculous. You were now very certain of your nearing death.

\-------------------------

You decide to not confront him about the Ball yet. The next few weeks you try your best not to irritate him or say anything wrong, which isn't the easiest job when your boss is a ticking time bomb. Apparently whenever he locks himself in his room, he is meditating.

"Sir, Are you doing ok?" You were standing next to his bedroom door.

"I made pancakes, would you like some?"

_I am trying to meditate. Do not bother me again._

You do however have to consult Jodee about the suit. When finally the three of you are eating dinner in the mess hall, you ask her.  
"Where do we get the suit again?"  
"You..didn't get it yet? The ball is in 3 weeks."  
Your cheeks turn a bit red when you have to tell her he doesn't even know he is going yet.  
Jodee sighs. "Get me his size and i'll order it for you."  
"How am I supposed to do that?"  
Zazu looks at you. "Do his laundry or something. Tell him you accidentally spilled something on his robe when you were tidying things."  
"I don't think you two have any idea who I am working for.." You finish your spaghetti when something hits you. 

"What about his helmet? I've never seen him taking it off, maybe he doesn't feel comfortable going somewhere without it." 

"What is he hiding under there anyway?" Zazu chuckles. "He can't be that hideous, right?"

You try imagining him without a mask. An adult male with a deformed face full of burn marks. The three of you talk about what he might look like. Jodee comes up with this theory that he is in fact not human, but that his species is still unknown and he doesn't want it to be revealed yet. Zazu thinks He is actually a She, and that She has a secret crush on the general, making her go undercover as a man to find out what he is into and what She has to do to seduce him. 

Even Jodee can't stop laughing now.

\-------------------------

You awaken in the middle of the night when someone is practically trying to bash through your door. You rub your eyes, turn on your night light and saunter to the door. You push the button to open it and start yawning again, but your sleepiness fades quickly as a stormtrooper stands in front of your bedroom door. 

"Commander Ren wishes me to escort you to the Hangar. Get dressed and pack some things, quickly." You close the door and use half a minute to take everything in. Why were you leaving? You put on black pants, boots and a green halter top. you take your jacket with you in case Ren feels like walking through the snow again. you pack some extra clothes and necessities in one of your bags and leave the room. The Storm trooper leads you to the hangar, where about 500 stormtroopers and Captain Phasma are waiting together with Commander Ren in front of an enormous spaceship. 

"Good. We can finally leave, then." Captain Phasma says to Ren as you walk up to the two of them. You start blushing when you realize they weren't planning to leave without you. You follow Ren onto the ship where he takes a seat on a long bench. the bench is nearly full of Stormtroopers, so you quietly take the seat next to the Commander. You still feel very skittish being this close to him, He did behave like a psychopath towards you. You wonder if he actually dislikes you or if he is like this to everyone. The spaceship starts moving, You grab the handle provided for your seat and quietly pray for a safe flight. 


	4. Let's get naked.

You open your eyes and feel well rested after your unexpected nap. You lift your head from the pillow and stretch your limbs when you slowly remember you're still inside of a space ship. A sudden dizziness takes over when you see who is sitting right next to you. Commander Ren is looking at you, at least you think he is, and you know why.

You look guilty and a little ashamed because you slept on his arm for what must have been hours.

"It's fine." His heavy voice sounds. And you try to smile, but you look a little unsure. "Sleep is good for you."

You slowly nod and you know that he feels just as awkward as you do, and doesn't know what to say or how to behave.

 

 

"So..Where exactly are we going?" Now that you're fully rested you realize you didn't even ask what the mission was.

"We're visiting Republic city."

"The capital of Hosnian Prime? What are you going to do there, sir?" You're surprised and excited to visit the capital. You love cities, It might not be _your_ city, but it will at least feel a little like home.

"I have a meeting there, the rest isn't your concern. You'll be staying at the hotel until I tell you otherwise."

You keep your mouth shut and stop bothering him for the rest of the trip. You occasionally get up to go to the bathroom or to just stretch your legs. When it's that time again, you stand up and walk through the ship, to where the bathrooms are. When you're done washing your hands you hear another flush. You look in the mirror to see who comes out and your heart beats faster when you see a familiar stormtrooper coming out of that stall.

"Well well look who it is!" Jekyll says with a wide smile on his face. He playfully pushes against you to wash his hands in the sink and you laugh.

"There are other sinks!"

"yea but I need this one."

Jekyll splashes a bit of water on you and this is where it all starts. You both laugh,yell and sprinkle each other with cold water from a bathroom sink, until you hear a siren.

"We should go, the ship is about to land!" Jekyll says and escorts you back to the main hall. He puts on his helmet and before you can go to your seat, he stops you by grabbing your wrist. "Hey, i'll bring you something nice."

"Really? Like what?"

" _Attention, all passengers must remain on their seats. I repeat, all passengers must remain on their seats, we will make a landing in 5 minutes._ "

you walk quickly towards Commander Ren but look at Jekyll one more time.

"I don't know, like a flower or something ! " He answers before he has to leave to another room to join the rest of his squad.

You can't stop smiling and take your seat next to the Commander, who seems to be very tense. But you can't worry about Kylo Ren's foul mood right now, because a beautiful boy is going to bring you a flower, and you love flowers. It would be such a romantic gesture...

\-------------------------

You get to stay in a beautiful and luxurious hotel. After you carry Kylo Ren's suitcases to his room, you get to go to your own, which was only a few doors further. You get to sleep in a king size bed _and_ you have your own bathroom with a huge bathtub that could easily fit 3 large people. You couldn't be happier at this moment, at least that was what you thought, before someone knocked on your door. You're surprised to see it's Zazu and you both start squealing like 2 excited teenagers.

"I didn't know you were here !" You exclaim and hug your best friend.

"Phasma only just told me your room was next to mine! "

You both decide to hang out in your room for the evening. You start filling the bathtub and add some lavender oil to the hot water.

While Zazu is getting a bottle of wine in the lobby, you undress yourself and lay your clothes on one of the chairs. You just entered the hot water when someone knocks on your door. You sigh and get back out of the tub. You told Zazu earlier to take the key with her but she must've forgotten. You quickly put one of the soft towels around your wet body before you open the door. "I told you to take the key-" You stop mid sentence when It's not Zazu at your door, but Kylo Ren. Startled as you are, you notice Ren is as awkward as ever when you're standing half naked before him. "G-Good evening sir."

You blink and wait for him to explain why he is here. You take a step backwards and he enters your room. It must be a private conversation he wants, then. You close the door and turn to look at him, strongly holding the folds of the towel against you, you wouldn't want your towel to suddenly drop.

"I am here to talk to you about JK-2089."

You pull your eyebrows together and slightly narrow your eyes and wait for him to explain to you what the heck he is saying.

"The young male storm trooper."

"Jekyll? What about him?"

Kylo Ren straightens his back and cracks his knuckles.  
"You are no longer permitted to associate with him on any First Order property or ship."

"What do you mean? I only see him in the common areas anyway."

"I do not want you to distract him any longer. Captain Phasma will make sure he won't harass you in the future."

"But -"

You want to argue about this because he is full of shit. How can you possibly make Jekyll's job impossible by just being you? Zazu was around these troopers all the time but she doesn't get lectured about it as if she's a child. You want to argue but before you can actually talk sense into him, he get's angry.

_DO NOT PUSH ME OR DARE TO DISOBEY MY ORDERS.  
_

You shut up before he plans to hurt you again. The drops of water on your chest and shoulders turn cold.  
Kylo Ren takes a deep breath and walks towards the door, he turns to you one more time, but before he can say anything, Zazu bursts into your room while holding a bottle of wine and two glasses. : "LET'S GET NAKED!"

 

\-------------------------

"I still can't believe you just did that."

You're both sitting in the tub, trying to relax after what was the most embarrassing moment of your life.

"I can't believe Kylo Ren was in your room, demanding you to stop talking to Jekyll, while you were almost stark naked."

Zazu sips her wine and looks at you, waiting to get a reaction out of you. She knows something is wrong, and she has every right to be upset that you're not sharing it with her. The way Kylo Ren stormed out of your room, got you afraid.

You take a deep breath and decide to let her in. "Remember when Phasma ordered you to look after me after I 'tripped' ?"

Zazu slowly nods.

"I didn't trip."

She looks down, and searches for the right words, or the right questions, when she realizes what this meant.

"Does he..Hurt you often?"

"No. Well, not like that anyway, it only happened once. He threatens me a lot. Though sometimes he is actually really nice. It's as if every time he acts nice towards me, he feels that he has to convince me after that I should still fear him. " You pour some more wine into your glass.

"Nima..We can always find other work. If this is too much.."

"No. It's fine." You cut her off. "If he doesn't hurt me physically, I can do it. We need this, Zazu. And I'm not going to let one scary boss ruin our plans for the future."

You stay quiet for some time and close your eyes. You let yourself sink deeper into the water until everything but your face is covered.

\-------------------------

The next morning, you and Zazu plan to explore the city a bit. The Commander didn't want you to join him in his meeting, so you were free to do what you wanted. The both of you walk through the busy streets of Republic city and occasionally stop in front of a shopping display when you or Zazu see something nice. You now admire what seems to be the newest winter collection of a fashion designer called Ken Da'ar.

"Ok so would you rather have all the shoes and clothes you want or a huge spaceship ?"

You look at Zazu and can't believe she just started another game of 'would you rather'. These things always got out of hand quickly and you used to play it for hours straight.

"i would pick the huge spaceship."

"Me too. That way I can sell the huge spaceship, and buy a smaller spaceship _and_ all the clothing and shoes I want."

Your eyes travel from a long black dress to some brown boots with real tauntaun furr.  
"Would you rather eat 3 spoons of tauntaun poop or sleep with Mr. Dambé for a week ?"

Zazu starts laughing and thinks about it for a minute. "I think I would sleep with Mr. Dambé for a week." She answers and you instantly make a face of disgust.

"He is so gross!" You try to get the image of your best friend sleeping with your old professor out of your head. The both of you continue walking down the boulevard until you find a nice little cafe. You both order a coffee and a scone.

"Would you rather kiss Commander Ren while everybody watches or be his girlfriend for 3 days without anyone EVER knowing ?"

"How am I supposed to kiss him?" You laugh. "If he doesn't kill me for doing so, I would kiss him rather than being his girlfriend."

"Really?! But you'll be forever known as the girl who kissed Kylo Ren! That's social suicide."

You add some sugar and milk to your coffee and sit back in your chair. The weather is perfect, birds are chirping and you feel as if you're on vacation.

"Would you rather be drunk for 48 hours without getting an hangover, or be drunk for 24 hours and have a hangover for 6 hours ?"

And so you continued until it was time to get back to the hotel. Zazu has to leave to the ship where Phasma currently is, and you immediately head to Kylo Ren's room when you get out of the elevator. His door opens right away when you stand in front of it, because he senses your presence. You stiffen when you go in however, because his room is a mess. There is glass everywhere, his bed doesn't even look like a bed anymore; The sheets and mattress are burned and full of holes, the beautifully wooden carved bed frame was blown into pieces which were laying on the ground, where also food and water was spilled. An enraged Kylo Ren was sitting on his couch, his back towards the door you just entered. He was still holding his lightsaber, which you had never seen before. It was red and seemed as angry and unpredictable as his master.

You softly close the door and take a few small steps in his direction.

"Sir..? It's me, Nima.."

He doesn't respond.

You come closer and carefully take a seat next to him on the couch.

"Let's put that away for a minute..shall we?" You practically feel the adrenaline streaming through your body, your arms are full with goosebumps and the only thing your heart tries to tell you is to run. Run for your life. To your surprise he does turn off the energy of the saber, and you start to feel much calmer already. You slowly look around in the room and try to come up with something.

"Why don't we go to my room for a while..I could fill the bath for you and while you relax I can straighten things up, get rid of the glass."

 _I don't want you to get rid of the glass._  
he speaks through his mind.  
You slowly nod and move a little closer towards him. "May I take your hand, sir?"  
His head turns to you and while you can't see it, you feel he is giving you a strange look.  
You hold out your own hand and wait for him to accept the offer.

Slowly and unsure, the Commander lays his hand into yours , and you smile a little. His hands are quite large but comparing to yours, they're enormous. You take off his glove and for the first time, you are 100% sure he is human. You start massaging his palm and try not to look at him too much. He keeps looking at you however, and it's making you nervous.


	5. Johnny And The Scavengers

After you've managed to clean up the mess, You offer Kylo Ren to accompany him for the evening. He declines however and sends you back to your own room. You take a shower and start washing your hair. You get out and hear a loud knocking on your door.

"I can't catch a break can I?!"

You're tired and annoyed so you don't even bother answering the door. You know it had to be Zazu anyway because 2 minutes later you receive a message on your data pad.

" _You wanna go out tonight?_ "

You look outside the window.It's not even dark yet, so you could easily take a nap for a few hours.

" _Yea sure, don't have anything cute to wear tho. gonna take a nap now_ "  
You dry yourself and put a small towel around your head.

 

" _That's fine, I came prepared. I'll wake u up in a few hours xoxo_ "

You put away the data pad after her last response and get in bed while you're still naked. It's lovely to feel the soft covers on your skin

 

\-------------------------

When it's time to get ready, You and Zazu stand in front of the bathroom mirror and do your make up. After that, You both put on a push up bra and some cute underwear. You never know what could happen.

"Ok so I got you a dress, shoes and some accessories." Zazu hands you the dress first and you take a look at it. Its a short white halter dress with an open back. You put it on and stand in front of the mirror.

"This is cute. Hope no one will see my lady parts when I sit down though."

Zazu puts on a black crop top and leather pants and stands beside you before the mirror. "My butt looks amazing. Seriously, look at my butt."

You nod. "You look hot as hell."

"Ok so now all we have to do is sneak out!" Zazu giggles. You immediately turn to look at her.

"Sneak out? What for?"

"we aren't supposed to leave the hotel at night. At least that's what Phasma told me."

"Wait..what? Why didn't you say this earlier?! We need to walk past Ren's room to get to the elevator! He will sense our presence ! "

"Oh calm down already, he's not a superhuman."

"yes...he is."

You're both quiet for some time while still looking in the mirror.  
"What the hell let's just go." You decide and Zazu embraces you in an excited hug.

\-------------------------

You enter a district full over bars and clubs. Everywhere, people on the street are enjoying themselves. You've never experienced a vibe so alive that gave you the feeling you were immortal. It's overwhelming to see so much happening in one place. You walk past a club where a group of very good looking young women are smoking and laughing together. The music coming out of the building is energetic yet vintage.

"Let's check it out!" Zazu grabs your arm and pulls you in with her.

The majority of people inside are dancing to a band called 'Johnny and the scavengers' , People are drinking fancy looking cocktails at the bar or having an interesting game of cards in one of the darker corners of the place.  
The first thing you do is go the bar and order 2 drinks. Before you can take your wallet however, two Handsome gentlemen hand money to the bartender.  
"Beautiful women like yourself shouldn't be paying tonight." one of them says and winks at Zazu, which makes her giggle. The men later ask you to dance and you gladly accept.

You're both dancing and enjoying yourself, men are practically lining up to get a dance with you. When you feel that you need a break you head back to the bar, Zazu is still dancing ,with an incredibly beautiful woman.

"I'll have a Piña Colada please." You take a seat on the bar stool in front of you.

"Make that 2." someone says from behind you.  
You turn to look at who is paying you a drink and smile. The tall gentleman returns that smile and hands the money to the bartender.  
"May I join you?" He asks politely and you nod. He takes a seat next to you and takes a sip from his drink. His face is quite surprised.

"You don't like it?" You laugh and pick up your own drink.

"I do, i just...never tried this before." He says and stirs in it with his straw. He takes a look at you and smiles again. He seems a bit shy.

"What's your name?" you ask and take a closer look at him as well. The first thing you notice is his perfect thick wavy hair, that is as dark as his eyes.

"Ben. What's yours?" He has a very deep voice, which betrays his youthful face.

"I'm Nima." You smile, and try to look as cute as possible. "Are you from here?"

"No, I'm just here for a couple of days... Work."

"Yea me too!" You take another sip of your drink.

The two of you chat for a while, you occasionally check up on Zazu, who is still dancing her butt off.  
A new song comes on and Ben is confused when you immediately get off your seat.  
"I LOVE this song ! Let's dance !" You stick out your hand and he awkwardly accepts your offer, you lead him to the dance floor and start dancing with him.  
He's not the best dancer because he seems unsure, but he knows the steps. His hands end up on your waist while yours rest on his chest. When the song is finished, Ben removes his hands from you almost immediately and it doesn't seem like he wants another dance.  
You kinda leave him there and try to look for your friend who doesn't seem to be on the dance floor anymore. Ben follows you, and you let him.

\-------------------------

You find Zazu sitting in one of the corners on a comfortable couch with two other women and a Twi'lek man. You go to her and take a seat on the opposite couch next to one of the women , Ben takes the last remaining seat next to you. "There she is! My beautiful friend!" Zazu Exclaims and you can tell she is getting tipsy. You look at the others and start to introduce yourself. They are friendly and funny people, around the same age you are. Ben orders a waiter to bring drinks for the whole table, and You all get into a hilarious conversation where you each talk about something awkward that had happened to you.

"I once had a bar fight with this woman who turned out to be my new sister in law. My brother brought her home the next day and believe me it was THE most awkward family dinner I have ever experienced."

You laugh when you listen to the story the woman next to you is telling and ask her if they ever became friends after that.

"No absolutely not !" She titters. "Still can't stand her and the fact she ruined my favorite dress that evening! "

More stories get shared around the small group of people you're sitting with, and more drinks are getting ordered.  
The Twi'lek man holds up his glass. "Ladies and gentlemen, let us make a toast, because we might not be the greatest, we might not even be the ok-est , i mean we're probably all just some kind of pieces of shit..But at least we're together on this fine evening."  
You start laughing and you all toast, to being a piece of shit.

 

\-------------------------

The two women left, and Zazu was having an intimate conversation with the guy she met, you couldn't understand the language they were speaking to each other, so you turned your attention back to Ben, Who was still being the perfect gentleman even though you were drunk and vulnerable.

 

"So, I didn't hear that many embarrassing stories from you earlier." He says playfully and takes another sip of his drink. He must've drank as much as you but he didn't seem to be drunk at all. He did seem less shy than before.

"They are too embarrassing to even think about in public, I swear." you chuckle and start to play with one of your curls. "I didn't hear you either."

  
"Mine wouldn't be interesting enough."  
He signals a waiter and orders a soda.  
"You said you were here for work, what kind of job do you have?" You ask him when the waiter leaves.  
"I'm just here for some business meetings, nothing too interesting though."  
"Me too! Well I mean, not me, my boss. I'm just a personal assistant really." You look at your hands and realize you're a bit nervous.  
"What's your boss like ?" he suddenly asks you and you look at him, not sure how to respond.  
"He's..um..Well he is certainly an interesting figure.." You blush and put away your empty glass. The waiter comes back with a soda and hands it to Ben, who then hands it to you. You find it sweet that he gives you a non alcoholic drink instead of trying to get you even more drunk than you already are.  
"Her boss would probably straight up murder her if he knew we were here ! " Zazu blurts out and you laugh.  
"He is pretty horrible." you confirm.  
Ben awkwardly looks around for a moment and then turns back to you.  
"I guess every boss is hard to deal with at some point. I know I had my fair share of horrible bosses."  
"Yea but can your boss read your MIND?!" You dramatically point to your head.  
"Are you serious?" Ben asks, and you notice he feels a bit uncomfortable, as if he feels bad for you. You are just sober enough to realize you probably shouldn't let any stranger know you work for a Sith Lord.  
"No silly, but it just seems that way sometimes, I guess he's just good at reading people." You smile innocently and change the subject by asking what time it is.  
"It's 4 am."

You look at Zazu. "Yo we should get back to the hotel, We still have to work tomorrow remember?"  
Zazu moans and looks at her man candy. "Can't we stay a little longer?"  
"No, really, we should go now." You and Ben both get up.

"Let me escort you back to your hotel, then. This place can be quite dangerous at night."  
You hesitate but accept his offer.  
You hope he won't try to pull any trick with you and your friend. Zazu says her goodbyes to the other guy and the three of you leave the club.  
With the both of you being drunk, it takes a while to get back to the hotel on foot.  
When you finally get there, Zazu stumbles towards the lobby. You thank Ben for his kindness.

"Thank you, I had a great time."

"Me too, It was nice meeting you." He smiles and you turn to join Zazu inside the lobby.  
You're halfway there when you change your mind and turn around.

"Ben?"

He turns back to you and you walk up to him.  
"Do you..Maybe..Wanna hang out? Tomorrow?"

He looks surprised and a bit nervous.  
"Well I..Yea,yea I do." He says and he looks as if he has to restrain himself from squealing and jumping around.  
The two of you exchange information with each other and say your goodbyes.


	6. Pistachio

The next day, Kylo Ren asks you to prepare for a meeting that will be held at 7 o'clock in the evening. You sit in his room, barely awake and try not to be distracted by thoughts of last night. He hadn't asked you anything, so you presumed he just didn't know.  
"We're meeting with two of the wealthiest men of Hosnian Prime, You need to be at your best."  
He looks you up and down.  
"I suggest you take some rest before that."  
You nod and get off the couch, before you can walk away he firmly grasps your wrist, his face is only a few inches away from yours.  
"I know everything that goes on in your head. Don't be fooled by my lack of caring of what you went to do last night. You'll easily be replaced in less than a second if I notice you are not up to the job."  
His voice sounds threatening and your whole body is shivering. You're afraid he's going to hurt you again, that he is going to punish you for leaving the hotel last night. Your head is full of worry of what he might do next.  
He then suddenly let's you go and you leave his room as fast as your legs allow you to. You wonder if he let you go because he felt how scared you were, but you can't imagine that being an option, because in your head, he wasn't human enough to do that.

 _What a fucking buzzkill._ You think to yourself as you enter your room and immediately let yourself drop onto your bed.  
Your bed is your one true love right now and nothing can convince you to leave it behind. You think about what just happened and decide to wrap yourself up in the blankets you were laying on, just to give you that safe feeling, you were smart enough to know that blankets couldn't actually protect you from evil men, but you make yourself believe it nonetheless. You close your eyes and imagine yourself lying in a secure room with thick walls around you, walls that no one could break, and no one could get in here to hurt you. Not even Commander Ren.

After a few hours of needed sleep, you get up and check your Data pad for messages, there is only one, It's from the boy you met last night.  
_"Meet me for a coffee around 12?"_  
You check the time, It's already 12.15.  
_"Sorry, I was asleep. Meet me at 2?"_  
You wait a couple of minutes for him to answer, and he does ;  
_"Yes, sure. I'll pick you up at your hotel."_  
You bounce off the bed right away to get a shower.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

You head out of the lobby looking absolutely fit. A very fancy looking landspeeder stops right in front of you, Ben is sitting behind the wheel and looks at you. "Good afternoon."  
You smile and hop in, eager to get a ride in this thing. "Is this yours?"  
You check out your hair in the mirror and make some minor adjustments.  
"Yes, it is. Do you like it?"  
"Are you kidding me? This is awesome! "  
You cheer as Ben starts driving at full speed through the streets Republic City, and you already feel a lot better not being so close to Kylo Ren.

 

\----------------------------------------------

 

You're on a terrace drinking a coffee with Ben. You're both chatting and joking around, and get to a point where you both don't know what to say anymore. But you don't mind. You enjoy your time in the city and look at all the different kinds of people walking by. You always loved watching people, thinking about what their story might be, what their life might be like.

"So...what is your life like back home?" Ben suddenly asks you. You're surprised by the question and think about it before you answer.

_What is my life like back home?_

You look at the people passing by for a few more minutes.

"Well, My family and I live in the entertainment district, next door to my friend Zazu and her family." You quietly say and take a sip of your coffee.

"You live in the lower levels?" Ben asks as if he is shocked by this new information about you.  
You feel uncomfortable talking about this and find his reaction quite demeaning.

"Well, yea." You think about home. Bright lights, billboards, clubs, bars, bar fights, prostitutes, creepy men, toxic fumes...

 ** _You're walking through the streets on your way home, There are speeders everywhere nearly giving you a heart attack every 10 seconds. you're overwhelmed by the scenery. Homeless people begging for food, drunken creatures of all shapes and sizes and lots of noise. Did people really live like this?_**  
**_You see some creepy figures talking to each other in a dark alley, and wonder why your parents ever decided to come live here on this wretched planet._**  
**_You should've been home by now. When you finally admit to yourself that you got lost, you look around and try to find someone to help you. You make a few attempts in getting people's attention but they barely notice you. Some of them do see you but walk right past you, they dont have time for anyone else._**  
**"What are you looking for, little girl?" _Your eyes widen when an enormous person looms over you._**  
**"I-i just-came from school.I think i'm-i'm lost" _You stutter and take a few small steps back._**  
**_"_ That's alright sweetie I'll help you find your way home." _The man comes closer and you're getting really scared._**  
**_Another figure approaches you, a tall women dressed in some very revealing clothes._**  
**"Ahh not this one, Len. She's far too young." _She looks you up and down and grins. "_ How old are you, kid?" **  
**_You're shocked and confused and you don't know why this strange woman wants to know this about you, but you decide to answer her anyway._**  
**"I'm 10..."** _  
_

 

 

 ** _Out of nowhere a girl with blue skin grabs your left arm and pulls you to her side. "_ Leave her alone!"**  
**_The girl then drags you with her, away from the adults. The only reason you're not fighting her is because of the school uniform she is wearing._**  
**_When you seem to be far away enough, she stops running and looks at you._ "Are you ok?" _She asks and you nod. "_ Thanks.." _you look at your feet._**  
**_"_ Where do you live?" _she asks you and you look around. "_ I think my house might even be around the corner from here actually.."**  
**_"_ Really? We live in the same street then! " _She smiles and you smile back, you're glad to have found a friendly face in a district full of criminals and scary people._**  
**_You take a deep breath and stick out your hand. "_ I'm Nima."**  
**_She shakes your hand. "_ Zazu, nice to meet you."**  
_**Zazu escorts you back to your house, which is apparently right next to hers. She offers to walk together to and from school every day and you thankfully accept.**  
_

You're deep in your own thoughts when Ben tries to catch your attention by waving his hand in front of you.  
You look up and smile. "Sorry.."

 

\--------------------------------------

 

After Ben pays the bill, the two of you walk down the boulevard. You pass an ice cream booth but keep walking.

"What's your favorite flavor of ice cream?"

Ben seems to find it a weird question to ask all of a sudden, it probably is.

"ehm..I haven't really thought about it..I guess I like the green one the most."

"Pistachio?"

"Yes, that one."

 

 

You smile and continue walking next to him. You pass all sorts of clothing stores, and think about the suit that still needs to be ordered for Commander Ren. Would he go for something traditional or was he willing to experiment? You think about this until it hits you. You stop in the middle of the boulevard and Ben turns to look at you.

"You're really tall." You say and take a good look at him.

"Well..Yes." Ben scratches the back of his head and waits for you to make a point.

"In fact, I bet you and my boss have almost the exact same size." You note and your smile couldn't be any wider. Ben doesn't like where this is going. He seems even more awkward than before.

"Would you...Would you go into a store with me? And get yourself measured?"

"Why don't you just ask your boss?" He asks.

"Well..He really scares me..And It would put him in a really bad mood..."  
Ben blinks and has that look on his face again, the look that shows he feels a sorry for you. He thinks about it for a bit and looks back at you.  
"I suppose I could help you." He gives you a reassuring smile.  
You thank him for about 10 times before he orders you to stop thanking him.  
You and Ben enter a fancy looking store and start looking around. You go to the shopkeeper and ask her to measure Ben. The small elderly woman orders Ben to stand on a stool and starts working immediately.

 

\--------------------------------------

 

** Kylo Ren **

 

You can't believe you're actually doing this. Why couldn't you just say no to her?  
"Lift your arms, love."  
You obey and feel like a complete idiot. Nima just stands there watching you, and you try not to look at her too much, why do you want to look at her anyway,she's the worst employee you've ever encountered. And somehow you wanted to spend the day with her, knowing of how annoying she could be. She made you want to get to know her, you wanted to know everything there was to know, you're glad you learned about how she met Zazu, that awful friend of hers. You can't let her know you know that however, because she still thinks you're Ben, and it both annoys you and pleases you that she doesn't treat you like she treats Kylo Ren. Nima finds you handsome and awkward and cute but you're not cute you're one of the First Order elite and you're strong and smart. Smarter and stronger than General Hux will ever be.  
Hux. That stupid gross little ginger rat every girl finds attractive. You bet none of them would like him if they knew his first name was actually Armitage. You let out a quiet chuckle. Armitage was a ridiculous name, it suited him. Nima is checking out some clothes, which gives you the opportunity to check out her. She wants to make you go to that stupid ball. Who holds a ball on a military base? You didn't sign up for this. You wonder if she would like to go to the ball. Of course she would. She and her annoying friend loved playing dress up and flirting with those stupid mindless trooper boys. Good thing you have the authority to tell her who she can and cannot see. JK-2089 wasn't even that impressive for a stormtrooper, why did she ever fancy him? Because he wanted to buy her one pathetic flower?! You would buy ten thousand bouquets if you ever liked a girl. But you didn't because girls would only distract you from what you came here to do. No, if anything, you saved her a lot of trouble and heartbreak ordering her to stop socializing with him.

When the little troll-looking woman stops harassing you, you get off the stool and wait for Nima to get out of this place.  
The two of you decide to go for another coffee in a tiny little cafe, You have to sit next to her on a soft bench and can't help but think of that time she fell asleep on your shoulder which made you have crippling anxiety for 4 hours straight. She puts too much milk in her coffee. You like your coffee just like that, black. No sugar and no bullshit. Kind of like the dark side you think. Her coffee is sweet and soft, like herself...

\--------------------------------------

 

**Nima**

 

After your last coffee with Ben, it's time to head back to the hotel. You still need to get ready for the meeting with Kylo Ren, Captain Phasma and Zazu. Ben gives you a ride in his landspeeder and you say your goodbyes. You had a nice time today, and you think he did too. You put on some more appropriate clothes and a cute par of black heels. Before you head out, you send a message to Jodee on your data pad containing Ben's measurements for Kylo Ren's costume. Now the only thing you had to do is find a way to make him attend the ball, without him ripping your head off for even bringing it up. You must admit it to yourself, you wouldn't blame him. A ball on a military base full of pretentious rich people wouldn't be your scene either. You head out and wait for the others in the lobby. When the Commander, Captain Phasma and Zazu arrive, you all head to another elevator that leads to several hallways of available meeting rooms. Captain Phasma gives you a heads up that you'll be meeting with two of the most rich and successful weapon dealers of Hosnian Prime. The four of you enter the meeting room and greet the two gentlemen already sitting there at a long white table. There's a droid who offers each of you a drink. The men go by Mr. Kapetti and Mr. Schlasneck. Both of them are kinda short and chubby. They could easily come across as brothers. Captain Phasma and Commander Ren start talking business, You try your best to follow the conversation which is utterly boring. Zazu sports the same look on her face, as if she is fascinated by what the men have to say. You would probably be more interested in this meeting if you had more knowledge about weapons. After an hour of sitting there, the two men put a briefcase on the table and open it, but only they can see the inside. They mumble a few words to each other, but they're not in basic. When they speak their last words, you and Zazu immediately turn to look at each other in disbelief, you both know what they said, you both try to remember how it is you know what they said and you feel a burst of panic inside you when you realize they're trying to mislead the first order into paying _A LOT_ more than what they should. You try to think this as loud as you possibly can but Kylo Ren is not paying your mind any attention now that it could actually be of any importance. Zazu's expression says it all, you have to warn them. But time is running out as the men hand the contract to captain Phasma along with a pen. A sudden shriek of pain comes out of Zazu's mouth, which distracts everyone in the room. She dramatically drops herself on the floor and lies there in fetal position.

"Something's wrong! The Baby! Please help!" She cries and you can't believe she is actually doing this.  
everyone's attention is on her, the two man try to help her back on her chair. You play along and grab Kylo Ren's arm to make sure his focus is on you.  
You look straight into the black slit of his mask and speak the following words : "I need to get her to the hospital."  
While your mouth is saying this, your mind thinks something completely different.  
_They're trying to fuck you over, don't sign this, do not sign this, do not trust them, they are deceiving you._  
you think these words over and over until he gives you a nod. "Captain, get her to the hospital. I'll finish the deal."  
You help Phasma drag Zazu out of the room, you hear Kylo Ren apologizing to the two men right before the door closes.  
When the door is closed, Zazu stands up straight and let's out a long sigh.  
"God that was so unnecessary. " You comment and walk with her towards the elevator.  
A confused Captain Phasma stops you however and demands an explanation. "What is going on here?! Are you _pregnant_ ?!"  
Zazu makes a face as if something gross just walked up to her. "Ew god no. "  
The three of you enter the elevator and you try to explain to her what went on, and why Zazu made such a scene right before Phasma would sign the paper and close the deal. Phasma doesn't seem to be very convinced at first, so you explain how you let Kylo Ren know what the plan was.

"I hope you were right about this then, because if you were mistaken, this will not end well for the two of you." She seems angry and irritated, well, there was probably another way you could've done this but you ran out of time, so this ridiculous idea had to do.

"I bet they're selling to the resistance as well. " Zazu chuckles but Phasma cuts her off.

"It might be a good idea to shut your mouth _right now_ before I have to shut it for you."  
It was clear she was very displeased with your unprofessional behavior, but you had to have faith that both your cleverness and quick reaction would be rewarded soon.


	7. Boundaries

You have to wait in your bedroom and are not allowed to invite Zazu over, who is currently getting a lecture from Phasma on how to handle things better in the future. You await your fate and wonder what kind of lecture or punishment you will get from Commander Ren. You start painting your nails out of boredom and sit on your bed, waiting for the nail polish to dry, and for your boss to visit.

There isn't even a knock, he just enters your room, like that. You get off your bed and watch him walk towards you, you want to do what you always do when people come too close ; take a few steps back, but this time you hold your ground.

"I have decided you have 3 shots before I send you back to the hellhole you came from, you already messed up once, on your first day, so you still have 2 more."

You think about that for a second or two.  
"So..Does this mean that this _wasn't_ a shot?"  
"I just said you still have 2, so yes, it means you didn't mess up ,you complete idiot. " He insults you, but you don't have the feeling he is angry with you.  
"So..What happened to the men?" you dare to ask, and he chuckles.  
"There's just one now. And he's going to give us everything for free, thanks to you and your ridiculous friend."  
You want to smile but it's probably not a good idea to be smug right now.

"I need you to pack your stuff, we're leaving this place in one hour."

You swallow and think about the fact that you suddenly have to leave, and that you're probably not going to see Ben for a long while, if he ever wants to see you again that is.

"Stop thinking about boys. Stop getting distracted."

"I..Yes sir. Of course. You're right."

\--------------------------------------

You're on the ship, sitting next to Kylo Ren again, You're afraid of falling asleep so you try to focus on everything and everyone sitting in the room with you. Commander Ren seems to get bored after an hour so he gets up and starts walking away. You get up as well and follow your boss. The ship you're on is huge and the hallways seem to be endless. He enters a room and so do you, but you're surprised to see a comfy double bed and an armchair. He closes the door even though your'e standing right in front of it, and your whole body freezes.

"This is my room, you can rest here for a while." He says and you're as surprised as ever by his sudden kindness.  
"Thank you sir..I..I hope I can find my way back later though.." You play with your hair and look at your feet.  
You get immensely shy whenever he acts nice towards you. You try to mentally prepare yourself for the threats that will follow after.

"I will be here as well."

You look up, confused and terrified at the same time. What does he mean by that? Is he going to sleep with you? In the bed? Is he going to cuddle you or try something more inappropriate? Why would he suddenly want to do this sort of thing? Was this your punishment you thought you wouldn't receive ?

"Don't flatter yourself. I will do some meditating in the armchair, Idiot."

You let out a sigh of relieve and wait for him to do or say something, You feel kinda awkward and unsure.

"Do I have to undress you as well ? Get in the bed."

Your whole body feels like a giant piece of wood, you can't move and you can't speak. He is growing impatient so you force yourself to take off your shoes and your jacket. You're still wearing your leggings and your shirt but you're not going to take those off , _obviously_.  
Kylo Ren pulls off the covers of his bed and waits for you to get in it. You slowly lie down on the mattress and put your head on his pillow, He lays the covers over you and tucks you in. He is tucking you in. He is seriously tucking you in and you're positive this isn't really happening. He makes sure you feel nice and warm and turns off the light. There's still a little light coming off the lamp standing next to the armchair, other than that it's completely dark. You can't see him anymore, but you hear the crackling of leather when he sits down in the chair.

\--------------------------------------

**kylo ren**

 

You sit in the armchair waiting for her to fall asleep. She feels uneasy and is scared to change her position. She doesn't want to catch any attention from you. You feel the urge to shout at her, tell her to go to sleep, and at the same time you want her to feel safe around you, you want her to put all her trust and faith in you. Why couldn't she just trust you. You know it's a stupid question, but it still hurts and you hate her for causing you this extra pain and inner conflict. The first thing she thought when seeing the bed was of you forcing her to do stuff. You weren't remotely interested in any of that, because she wasn't yours. She wasn't anyone's, which definitely made it a lot easier for you to deal with.

You didn't even want her, but at the same time you couldn't bare the thought of Nima being with someone, anyone. It made you angry, it made your blood _boil_.  
You would murder the first person who tried to get close to her. No. Even though you didn't want her, you didn't think anyone else deserved her.

After an hour of feeling her extreme discomfort, you get up and use your powers to make her fall asleep. The last thing she did was look at you, feeling scared when you approached her in the dark. Now , she was asleep, and you could sit back in your chair and relax. You decide to take off your mask and put it on the nightstand next to you. Her breathing is calm and silent. She is definitely relaxed now.

You try to look into her head, you want to know if she's dreaming about something, if there's something new you could find out about this girl.

It's just her, sitting in the snow, looking at the sunrise all by herself. You notice she is sitting in the exact same spot you brought her before, on starkiller base.  
She is wearing her pajamas's, at least you believe she is. Whatever it is she's wearing, it's far too cold to be sitting in the snow like that. But you suppose it didn't bother her in a dream. She turns her head and you see...yourself. approaching her. The dream version of Kylo Ren sits beside her and doesn't say anything for a while, until Nima smiles at him.

"Why are you wearing that mask, Ren?"  
He keeps quiet for a few minutes.  
"There is nothing underneath it, so why should i take it off?"  
Nima thinks about this for a while.  
"I guess i'm just curious what you look like."  
Dream Kylo Ren scoffs at her.  
"This IS what i look like. Like i said, there is nothing under there you need to see."

 

You get out of her head and have to contain yourself not to kick anything. Her dream made you angry and a bit upset, but you didn't want to wake her.  
She turns around again and is now facing you. Instead of giving in to staring at her, you decide to finally start your meditation.

\--------------------------------------

 

**Nima**

 

Kylo Ren wakes you by shaking your arm back and forth, You're startled when you realize where you are and who is sitting next to you on the bed, you completely forgot you fell asleep on the ship, in your boss's bedroom nonetheless.  
"We're back on the base, you need to get up."  
You are too sleepy to use any words so instead you just nod.

It had to be around 5 pm when you arrived. The first thing you did was return to your quarters and put your stuff back into your room. Zazu and Jodee were nowhere to be seen, so you just went to the mess hall by yourself. You didn't feel very well. Physically you were ok, but mentally you felt like shit, and you couldn't find any solid reason as to why you felt like this right now. It all happened so sudden. You really enjoyed the last few days in the city, and you hadn't expected the meeting to go like this. You were back on a military base, where you couldn't just go for a drink whenever you had free time, or where you could have dates with cute guys. You have a mixed feeling about the businessman being killed because of you and Zazu, and you wonder if she feels the same way right now. You weren't naive, you knew well enough Commander Ren, or any of the others, must have killed hundreds of people before. And you never felt guilty about starting to work here, war meant death, war meant business, and war definitely meant a lot of people were going to get money out of it, you included. You tried to focus on the reason you needed this money _so bad_ and grabbed some food. You sat at a table alone and ignored everyone and everything going on around you.

\--------------------------------------

You're poking at the food you got and wonder what your parents were doing right now. Looking at the tasteless mashed potatoes, you're starting to miss your mom and her fantastic cooking skills. Your mind wanders a bit further than it should, which makes you feel homesick.  
Suddenly, you jump up when you receive a message on your data pad. You nearly dropped your fork so you put it safely back next to your plate.  
When you check the data pad, you see the message came from Ben.

_"Hey what's up? "_

You must admit you completely forgot to notify him about your departure.

_"Hi Ben, i'm ok. How are you?"_

Ben immediately send a response, you try to imagine him sitting on his bed with a glass wine, thinking of you.  
_"I'm good. Just wondering when I'm going to see you again?"_

You swallow and don't know what to respond to that. Where you going to see him again? Did you actually feel like going through the trouble? You didn't know him that well after all. Maybe he could visit sometime, although you doubt he'd want to hang out with you on starkiller base. He didn't even know you worked for the First Order in the first place. What if he was an active supporter of the Resistance?

_"I had to leave Republic city very sudden..So I don't really know when or where I can see you again."_

You wait for a reply, but he doesn't send you anything. Ah well. That's the end of it then, you think, and finish your food.

\--------------------------------------

You wander around the base, but try not to go too far. You don't want to get lost in this enormous place. When you get back to your quarters, Zazu and Jodee are sitting on the couch together, talking about the last couple of days. You put the kettle on and prepare some chamomile tea. You join the girls and get a weird look from Zazu.

"Did you get in trouble?" you ask and she shakes her head.

"Just a fair warning to be more professional next time, other than that Phasma was actually really happy with the outcome." She pauses and gives you that look again.

"Did you get punished?" she asks, and Jodee keeps quiet.

"No..not really." you reply and slowly sip your tea, you make a face when it burns your tongue.

Zazu looks at Jodee ,she gets the hint and goes to her room. You're confused for a moment until you realize Zazu want's to talk to you about something in private.

"Look,you don't need to talk about it right now..But i'm always here for you.." You see pity in her eyes and don't know where this is coming from.  
"I honestly hate myself so much right now, I would have never made such a scene if I knew the Commander would lash out on you like that..I feel, no I AM responsible..And i'm so sorry.." She's getting tears in her eyes, and you just sit there, one eyebrow raised and a burned tongue.

"No really he didn't lash out or anything, I didn't get in trouble." You try to assure her, but she doesn't believe you. She actually get's off the couch, drops to her knees and hugs you while you're still sitting cross legged on the carpet. You feel your shoulder getting a bit wet. She's started crying.

You hug her for a couple of seconds and then push her back. "Please don't cry, nothing happened ok i swear! Why don't you believe me? is there something going on with you?"  
Your irritation gets replaced with worry as you realize she herself might be in trouble.  
Zazu tries to wipe away her tears but they keep on coming.

"I wish you wouldn't act like this, Nima, you're my best friend and you should know you can trust me ! I heard troopers , technicians _and even officers_ talking about how Kylo Ren took you to his room and how you both didn't come out for HOURS !"

Your expression is one of pure shock. You're shocked about the fact _everyone_ was gossiping about this behind your back, without knowing ANY facts at all, making your best friend and possibly many others believe Kylo Ren was raping or abusing you in his bedroom. You don't know if you should be angry or worried at this point. Because if that many different people were talking about this, the Commander would surely find out, and he might think you started the rumors.  
You lean in to give Zazu a strong hug, and when you let go of her again, you look deep into her eyes. "Please trust me when i say _nothing_ happened..."  
You wipe away her tears and keep on looking at her. "I was very tired.The Commander simply let me sleep in his bed. He himself _never_ even touched me, he just sat in a chair to meditate. He _never_ touched me."  
You speak in calm, clear voice, and try to convince her you're telling the truth.

Zazu managed to stop crying but was still shivering. You took one of the blankets lying in a basket and tucked her in.  
"I'm so sorry you had to feel so worried and sad the past couple of hours..And I'm so thankful I have a friend like you, a friend that cares.." You put on a light smile and feel extremely blessed to have this beautiful creature as your best friend.  
You know you need to warn Ren about this, but Zazu is your priority now. There was a reason she got so emotional, even though she now knew nothing had happened.  
You decide to help her up and take her inside her room. You hadn't actually been in her room yet, you notice how cute she decorated everything. small lights, wall decorations and a lot of soft pink cushions on her bed. You turn on the decoration lights and turn off the big one. You take a seat next to Zazu, who is still all snuggled up into her blanket , and join her by wrapping yourself up as well.

"I know i'm being silly.." She starts but you cut her off right there.  
"You're not being silly at all, Zazzy. You feel hurt right now, your head is filled with bad memories and you are not acting silly at ALL."  
You come closer en snuggle up against her. "I'm here for you too, you know. And i'm not going anywhere until you feel better. " You decide.  
She's reliving one of her most traumatic experiences right now, and you couldn't leave her alone like that. It happened years ago yet she was still so broken. She needed to feel safe. Zazu is lying down in her bed, and you decide to cuddle her, at least until she falls asleep. She moves closer to you so you can hold her better. Her eyes are closed but you know she's still awake.

\--------------------------------------

The next morning, you open your eyes and slowly realize you're not in your own room. Zazu must have already left to work out with Phasma.  
You feel exhausted and strongly consider to just ignore the fact you have a job.  
After a couple of minutes considering of what would be worse, (Go to work or get fired) , you decide to get out of bed and start getting ready.  
After brushing your teeth, you turn on the shower faucet. You're too sleepy to notice there isn't coming any water out of it however, and start to undress yourself.  
Your body is freezing and you can't wait to get into the hot shower, and then...you realize. _FUCK_.  
after dressing again, you feel horrible.You're not clean, you're still sleepy and you didn't get to wash your hair.

You're cranky and on your way to Ren's room, and wonder if the others had water this morning or not.  
Kylo Ren opens the door and you go in, without wishing him a good morning, because this was definitely _not_ a good one.

"You look horrendous." He notes and you can clearly hear the annoyance in his voice. Maybe he wasn't a morning person either.  
"I know, I am very sorry about that sir, but it appears our shower is defect." You make a slight bow when you appear in front of him.  
"Did one of you notify someone about this?" he asks and you shake your head.  
"Not yet sir, I didn't have time to do that anymore."  
"Well..- Go get a shower ! And fix your hair." He scolds at you and gets off his chair. kylo Ren walks to one of many doors in his home and holds one open for you.

"Find yourself a clean towel in one of the drawers and don't take too damn long."  
"Ehm..I.." You're again being pushed out of your comfort zone by the Commander, and you wonder if he actually knows about appropriate boundaries between a boss and his employee.

"God, you're wasting my time! Get in!"  
You do as you're told and close the door behind you. There is no lock on it and it makes you even more uncomfortable than before. Kylo Ren's bathroom was amazing and beautiful. It had everything your previous hotel room had and more. If you were him, you would spent at least 6 hours in here every day.  
You checked the drawers for a clean towel but couldn't help yourself. You just had to look what was inside the other drawers. You found washcloths, toothpaste, a hairbrush and a blow dryer. You pick up the hairbrush and look at it closely. It appeared that the mysterious Kylo Ren had black hair !  
You smile and take one of the towels, and do what you actually came here to do, take a shower.  
While enjoying the warm water flowing down your skin, you try not to lose track of time. Showers made you wander inside your own mind, the warm water relaxed you and it seemed to make you think very clearly about everything going on in your life. You look at the bottles standing there, all different kinds of shampoos and conditioners. Ren actually took great care of his hair. Washing your hair with his products, you think about how funny this is. You're using his shower _and_ his hair products. You got to sleep in his bed and he almost saw you completely naked. You wish you could see him naked too, well, not in that way. Just to be less embarrassed, to feel like you're even.

\--------------------------------------

You get out of the bathroom with your clothes back on and a small towel around your head. Commander Ren is sitting at his table, and you take place in front of him.  
There were still two weeks and a few days left until the ball, so you figured you didn't have to talk about that yet. What you DO need to talk about was that people were assuming  
you slept with him. You try to find the right words until you notice your data pad is glowing. There was a message from Ben, and you weren't sure whether to be happy or scared  
that he finally answered you. You decided not to open it yet, and focus on Ren instead.  
"Sir, There's something I need to discuss with you." You say and wait for him to pay you attention.  
You didn't even know what he was doing, he was minding his own business on his computer and couldn't see the screen from where you were sitting.  
At least 10 minutes go by before he looks at you.  
"Sir, there has been some talk between other employees, and I just thought it would be important for you to know about it."  
He keeps looking at you, so you continue; "Apparently, a few people saw us going into your room together on the ship, and now they're-"

"I don't have time to listen to this. I couldn't give less of a shit of what people are saying behind my back. They're weak and foolish to spend their time gossiping and you shouldn't pay any mind to them either."

You're surprised by his reaction. Didn't he care at all what people thought or said about him? You want to protest and tell him why it is important and why he really should pay some attention to it, but you know better. So instead of digging deeper in to it, you both focus on work. Kylo Ren let's you follow him around all day, from the moment your hair was dry. He didn't want to be seen with a messy looking person, which wasn't abnormal of course. When Ren asks you to get him a coffee, you walk towards the small kitchen next to one of the control rooms. You're surprised to run into Jodee, who is also preparing a coffee. Not a normal black one, like Ren asks you to make, but a coffee with a lot of milk, just the right amount of foam, and a hint of caramel.

"Hey..." Jodee greets you, she doesn't seem too happy today, so you ask her about the shower, but apparently she had a _great_ shower this morning. So the problem would probably be her boss, General Hux. You sometimes wonder what it is like to work for him all day, the man sure is charming but you bet he could be a real pain in the ass, possibly even worse than Ren.

"So I've sent you a message this morning with some great options for Kylo Ren's outfit, you should both take a look at it and decide which one you think would be best."

Your stomach turns when Jodee brings up the ball again. You feel shitty about letting her do all the work for you in the first place, especially because you still haven't talked about it with him yet. You were putting zero effort in it and you didn't want to admit that right now. "Thank you so much ,i'll check them out later." You say and put on a fake smile. You both head back to the control room carrying the coffee.

 


	8. Say Yes To The Dress

****There is only 1 week left. You didn't tell him anything yet, you did however chose an outfit for him to wear, the one you thought would suit him the most. The past week hadn't been a pleasure. You were freaking out about Ben's message, people all around you, in the hallways, the mess hall and even in the control room looked at you weirdly whenever you walked in, because at this point, everyone was sure you and Commander Ren had a magical night together in the middle of space. It freaked you out that you still hadn't come across Jekyll _anywhere_ , how is that even possible ? It was very likely he was send to another squad, on another part of the base far far away from you, or maybe he was on one of the missions. You didn't dare to ask Kylo Ren anything about what missions they were doing, and why you never had to join him when he and the General had a meeting with a so called 'Snoke'. Frankly you didn't care about it that much. You had worked here for more than a month now and already had a shit ton of money. It must be a very important thing they're doing, the First Order Elite, because you can't imagine being paid this much anywhere else in the whole wide galaxy for the job you had to do.

The opportunity presented itself, when you and Zazu were eating together in the mess hall for dinner. Zazu was just telling you she might get to do Phasma's make up for the _magical_ starkiller ball, when you received another message from Ben.

"What does it say?!" Zazu immediately asked. You open the message and read it a few times before you pay her any attention.  
"It says he wants to visit me, and that it doesn't matter where I am." You pull your eyebrows together and read the message again, in case you had been mistaken.  
"Really? That's so weird. Didn't he say he ' _wished you all the best_ ' with the rest of your life?" Zazu starts chewing on a piece of chicken when you get another message, this time it's from your boss.  
"Oh look at that, Commander Ren _also_ wants to see me as soon as possible." you joke.  
"Well well, aren't you the most popular girl in school. All the boys want to see you and love you and kiss you." She makes ridiculous kissing faces while still chewing on the chicken.  
"Haven't you heard ? Kylo Ren and Nima had a magical night together , _in space_ " You say sarcastically, loud enough for people to hear, Zazu almost chokes.  
You get up to leave, but wait a minute until Zazu stops coughing.  
"Well you know what they say, it doesn't count when it happened in space."  
Her remark makes several people including yourself laugh at the top of your lungs.

 

\-------------------------

 

You sit on Kylo Ren's couch, eating an oatmeal cookie. You had arrived here 20 minutes ago, but Ren was still in the bathroom. You ask yourself why he needed to see you right away when he wasn't even there to talk to you. You turn around on the couch when you hear a door open behind you. Kylo Ren steps out...wearing the outfit you chose for him to wear at the ball. The robes were black with some crimson accents, there was a beautiful long cape to go with it, because you assumed he wanted a cape. the first thing that comes to your mind is how great it looks on him. It shows what a nice figure and intimidating long body he has. It just screamed _powerful sith lord_ , totally what you were going for, but you realize you didn't tell him anything. And Jodee thought you did, so she must have send these clothes straight to the owner instead of giving them to you first, just to make your life easier. Good intentions aren't always good. You swallow and don't know what to say. He just stands there, staring at you, waiting for your explanation, but you don't have any.

"Well ?" He asks you in a threatening tone, you just know you're putting your life on the line here.

"Sir, may i just say you look incredible, and I do actually have an explanation for you." You try to convince him and get off the couch. He just keeps staring at you as you approach him.

"As you probably know, there is a ball hosted here on the base, and everyone would be so delighted to see you there. So I ordered this outfit for you, because.. well.. I thought you'd like to wear something new and fashionable. You'll make such a great impression looking like that."

You take a deep breath and mentally prepare yourself for the worst. You watch as Kylo Ren draws his lightsaber and swings it around a few times. You try to stay calm as he comes closer with every breath you take.  
Suddenly he grabs your wrist and pulls you towards him, he turns you around and holds you in place with an arm around your waist. His other arm holds the lightsaber, which is now dangerously close to your neck. Your head is pressed against him, you can feel his chest going up and down way too fast. The distorted sound of his voice directly flows into your ear...

"You want to phrase that again ?"

"I was scared! I'm so sorry sir , I swear I was going to tell you but I couldn't because I'm just really, really afraid of you, please don't kill me sir I beg you!"  
Tears are streaming down your cheeks as you're pleading for your life.

He lowers his lightsaber but still holds you tight. "I don't know which lunatic hired you to work for me, but you can count yourself lucky today. You only have one shot left. I guess I should start looking for someone else, because It's only a matter of time before you screw up, _again_."

Your eyes are closed and it takes a while for him to let go of you. You wonder if he is still debating whether or not to just kill you right now, and get it over with. He can hear your thoughts, and pushes you to the floor. you don't move until you're sure he has left the room.

\-------------------------

You lie on your bed the next day, still processing what had happened. He didn't want to see you for a few days, until he had calmed down. Maybe it was for the best. You came quite close to your death yesterday, and you're starting to wonder if this is really worth it. The hours go by fast and the only thing you're capable of right now is staring at the ceiling. The damage was done. It was your own fault he treated you like this you think to yourself. _It's all my fault._

You try to focus on the conversation outside of your room between Zazu and Jodee. Apparently they were out all morning greeting some early guests who had arrived at the base today. It would be swarming with important people here this week.

Both girls leave when they have to get back to work. It must have been around 2 pm when you heard a knock on the door. Your heart starts beating faster and faster every second, and you're scared out of your mind. You have to get up and answer it however, so you walk out of your room and stand in front of the door. You wait a couple of minutes. Maybe he'll just leave. You didn't want to be alone with Kylo Ren right now. You didn't want to be alone with him _ever_ again. Although you doubt he wouldn't hurt you when others were there to see it. Why would he care? You hear the shuffling of feet and then the person on the other side starts knocking again. You try your hardest not to cry, take a deep breath and push the button. The door opens and on the other side of it stands Ben. You're overflowing with emotions when you see him, you are feeling extremely relieved ,sad and confused. You look at him and tears start flowing down again, He pulls his eyebrows together and without saying a word, he let's himself in and embraces you in a hug.

 

 

\-------------------------

 

**kylo ren**

 

You're sitting on her bed, holding her while she cries. Her face is pressed against you and her hands are firmly holding on to your shirt. Your right arm is around her waist, keeping her close, the other on the back of her head, trying to calm her down. You're starting to feel extremely guilty and stupid about what you did yesterday, and hope she won't leave the base, because you're sure now, that you don't want her too. You can read it over and over again in her mind, all she wants to do is _leave._

You feel like you should be happy instead of feeling so awful. You're finally holding her the way you desired to. But you keep on reminding yourself that she is only this close because she feels scared, of..well....you. _And_ she's crying. So that's not how you pictured it to be.

She looks up with those huge brown eyes of hers and wipes away her tears.

"I'm so sorry.." She whines and you shake your head.  
"Please, don't be. I'll take care of you just tell me what you need." you say and brush a few strands of hair out of her face.  
"I don't really need anything..I'm just so glad you're here..." She wipes away some more tears and dries her cheeks with a tissue. "How are you even here?"

You just _feel_ yourself growing paler than you already are.  
"I'm here for work..There's this...whole conference thing here this week. I saw your friend with the general and asked her how you were doing..I had no idea you worked for the first order..It was quite a surprise when she told me you were an employee as well.."

You smile a little and try to read her. You're sure she bought it however but the look on her face is quite confused. She probably thinks you're a stalker.  
"so...Were there any others? Besides my friend and the general?"

you slowly shake your head and look like you know absolutely nothing.

"No..just her. And the general."

"That's so weird.." she responds and slowly pushes herself away from you. She gets up and leaves her room, so you follow her of course. Nima starts preparing some tea and you hang around with her in the kitchen, waiting for the water to boil. She's wearing pajama shorts and a tank top. You like the way her legs look in those.

"So like..Where did you see Zazu and General Hux?"

You're glad you got her distracted from crying for a moment, but the questions are just plain weird. Why the hell did it matter?

"I saw them in one of the hallways together, close to the hangar. just the two of them. I didn't actually get to speak to the general though, he just kept on walking when I stopped Zazu and asked her about you. Kind of a weird guy, right?"  
You try to turn this conversation around, but she won't let you, she just won't let it go.

"Yea he's kinda weird, so what were they doing? just walking? talking? Are you sure there wasn't another girl with them? She has short brown hair... "

"Well..no. sorry. They were just talking i guess..Why? Is he your boyfriend?" You say in a teasing way and give her a small tap on the shoulder. Inside you're burning again. You never had the impression she liked the general but what if she did? You weren't allowed to murder him.

 

"What? No! He 's not my boyfriend don't be crazy." She pours the tea in 2 cups and seems a little irritated.

"But you like him? Do you think he's cute? "

Nima hands you a cup and starts checking the cupboard for cookies.

" Well I guess he's quite handsome..for a fascist. But there is just something about him that makes me want to throw up every time I see him or when I hear him speak. He's just so...So... I can't find the right word." You watch as Nima puts a cookie jar on top of the cabinet.  
She picks an oatmeal cookie and takes a small bite before continuing her annoyance about Armitage.

"The guy wears shoulder pads for fuck's sake. And he's actually really rude. I think he dislikes me because I work for Kylo Ren And they both seem to really hate each other. Zazu seems to really like him though. So to answer your question ; no, I don't like him ! Why do you want to know anyway? "

You can't help but laugh at what she really thinks of Hux. It pleases you enormously and if only she would know how much you two have in common sometimes...  
You take the cookie Nima offers to you and take a bite, it's hardly sweet enough for your taste so you wash it down with some tea, which is too hot and burns your tongue. Even more evidence that the universe was against you. Nima chuckles when you make a face, you feel ridiculous and stupid and you just want to throw this cup on the floor and crush it into a million pieces. Instead of that, you put the cup down, calmly.

"I don't know you just seemed kind of jealous."  
You reply and try to act cool despite your swollen tongue making you sound like a halfwit.

\-------------------------

 

**Nima**

 

The two of you sit together on the couch, drinking tea and eating cookies. It seems that Ben is trying to convince you to stay a little longer before you pack your bags and just quit this awful job, and you suppose he's right. But at the same time you feel like you owe it to yourself to not let yourself be treated like that, you did make mistakes, it's true and there was no way around it. There were plenty of occasions you knew he thought the same thing, that there were thousands of girls and boys who could do this job flawlessly, and you were lucky. But why didn't he just sack you? You'd rather get fired than getting death threats all the time. You're envious of Zazu and Jodee. It could have been you, working for Phasma or for the General. It just wasn't written in the stars, that you would have gotten such luck.

When Ben has to leave, your whole body fills up with sadness again. He was such a nice distraction of what was going on, and you just felt a little safer not being alone.

"Can you come back tonight?" admittedly, you sounded desperate. And being the guy he was, you knew he couldn't refuse you like that.  
"I can't promise you..I will try though." He gives you a faint smile and leaves.


	9. After The Rain

Dinner. a part you'd rather skip on this dark awful day. If it weren't for your colleagues, you would have just stayed inside your room all evening, but Zazu was very persistent. You hadn't told her what happened yet, and weren't sure you wanted to anytime soon. For some reason it was just easier to talk to Ben about this, from the moment he had hugged you you felt a wave of calmness coming over you, which led to you telling him what went down between you and your boss. He didn't seem very concerned by the fact you worked for Kylo Ren, if anything he looked relieved to know you wouldn't judge _him_ for siding with the First Order. You sit quietly at the table, poking your food. It bothers you how friendly Zazu is being with Jodee. For some reason you just couldn't stand her presence today.

"So ! Ben is back huh?" Zazu smiles and you sigh. You just didn't feel like doing this right now.  
"Did he come by? " She asks. You nod and try to smile.

"Wait, so you met him in a bar..In republic city..And he just so happens to be here right now? after he told you he _really_ wanted to visit you wherever you were? " Jodee asks, well it didn't actually sound like a question, more like an accusation.  
You look up from your plate and wait for her to make a point.

"Don't you think that's a bit creepy..? I mean even if he _is_ doing business with the First Order, it just sounds a little too convenient for it to be an coincidence don't you think? I mean, what are the odds?!"

Although she is concerned for you, you don't appreciate her remark at all.  
You lean a bit forward and look her straight in the eye.

"I don't know how the fuck you know about Ben, or why you even care, but you better just stay out of my business. I do not care about what you might think is best, I don't even care that much about Zazu not being able to keep her mouth shut. You two might be best friends all of a sudden, but _we_ aren't."

You continue eating your food while Zazu and Jodee just sit there, shocked. They look at each other trying to figure out what to say.  
"What happened?" Zazu asks, and you already expected that. Because she knew something had to be _very_ wrong for you to be such a bitch all of a sudden.  
You swallow your food but don't look at her. "I'm..I'm just done."  
That's how you actually felt, done. You felt numb, scared and hopeless. Ben was the only reason you were still here right now, otherwise you would have packed your bags and gone back home to your family. Then Jodee accused him of stalking you, and you didn't think that was right. Not today.

You're glad the both of them decided not to comment on it any further. It was not the right time nor was it the place to discuss these type of things. You knew Zazu would interrogate you about it later anyway. The three of you head back to your quarters, and none of you speak a word to each other on your way there. Zazu opens the door with her key and the three of you go in. What you see next is something you would have never expected in a million years. Each of you just stands there, mouths wide open and completely baffled when all you can see are...flowers. Flowers _EVERYWHERE_. Bouquets on the table, on every inch of the kitchen island and on each side of the couch.

"What..."  
"...The fuck." Zazu finishes your sentence. It was what you were all thinking. The room smelled amazing, there were roses, lilies, sunflowers, tulips, daisies and several other types of flowers you don't even knew the name of. Every bouquet looked beautiful and the flowers were all perfectly matched. It amazes you to see all these bright colors again, all in one place. Who had put these here ? and how did he or she even get their hands on these flowers _and_ matching vases ? Jodee slowly starts walking around, looking for a card or anything that marked who the flowers were meant for and who they were from.

"Maybe they're from Jekyll ! He promised you a flower, didn't he ?" Zazu looks at you hopefully but all you can do is blink. "I..I don't know.."

Zazu starts looking around as well, occasionally smelling a few flowers. The first thing _you_ do however is enter your room, to see if anything is missing. Flowers were pretty and all, but this meant someone had gotten into your room without your permission.

"Girls, check your room and possessions." You remind the others as well just in case. Jodee and Zazu silently go into their rooms and start checking their closets. You open yours and look at the clothes hanging there. Your eyes fall on the book you found on your first day here, you need to remind yourself to open that one day. When you don't immediately notice anything gone, you take a seat on your bed. Zazu and Jodee stand in the doorway and shrug.

"I don't think this person entered our rooms." Jodee says and curiously looks into yours, but doesn't come in. At least she got the message to respect your privacy when you're in a foul mood.

"What's that on your pillow ?!" Zazu points behind you. You turn around and see an envelope just lying there. How did you not see this ?! "See I knew it was from Jekyll ! He hasn't given up on your sexy ass !" She exclaims but you don't buy that theory for a second. the envelope is in your hands, and you just kind of stare at it. Something scared you about this piece of paper. You had a bad feeling about this, so instead of ripping it open like a maniac, which you would usually do in these sort of situations, you hand the envelope to Zazu.  
Zazu bounces up and down and is way more excited than any of you are at this point. She opens it and pulls out a letter, written by hand.

"Should I read it for you ?" She asks, containing herself not to glance over the words until she gets your permission. You look at Jodee for a moment. "Yea. Read it."

 

 

 _"Dear Nima, I have sent you every bouquet I deemed worthy for this apology._  
_I truly am sorry for what went down yesterday, I was out of control and I should have never taken it out on you the way I did._  
_The clothes were truly amazing, and you did a great job picking them out for me._  
_I am willing to drop the 'shot' system, if you consider staying here a little longer._  
_If you are willing to accept my offer and apology, meet me tomorrow morning at 6 am, by the cliff side._  
_We will then discuss this issue further._

_Best Regards,_

_Kylo Ren. "_

The three of you stay quiet for a few minutes, slowly taking in the information you just received.  
"Well...I expected something weird, but not this level of weird." Jodee concludes, and both of you look at her.  
"Well...they weren't from Jekyll." You say and get up, fish the letter out of Zazu's hands and read it over and over again.  
"I honestly don't think this is actually happening...I must be on some kind of drug..." You look at Zazu.  
"Who the fuck even writes letters these days ? On actual paper !" you try and throw the letter as far away from you as possible, but it's paper. It doesn't really throw well.  
"I think it's really sweet...And his handwriting is quite elegant." Zazu bargains, she looks sad.  
"He must've done something _really_ bad to you to feel this guilty..right?" She asks and you sigh. You weren't going to talk about it. Not right now.  
"Really bad is an understatement. But to be honest I never thought he would apologize for it."  
"So are you going to accept it?" Jodee asks, because she really asks all the important questions today. You shrug.  
"I don't think I have much of a choice here."  
"if he truly feels guilty, you should try to get more out of it in my opinion." Jodee notes, she gets a dirty look from Zazu and takes the hint.  
"Flowers are nice and all, but they don't take away my fear... They don't do shit." You pass Zazu and Jodee and walk up to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

\---------------------------------------

You were so busy thinking about the letter that you completely forgot you invited Ben to come over. You get out of the shower , and see Jodee, Ben and Zazu sitting on the couch together, hanging out. Ben looks as awkward as he feels when Zazu is babbling about how great you are at _everything_. Jodee is just staring at him. Taking everything in. She never met him, and now you're wondering if she ever actually saw another human being before, that's how fascinated she looks.

 

 

"Hey Ben." You say as you casually walk past them wearing only a towel around your body. He starts blushing immediately and clears his throat.

"Hi !"

You wait by the door and look at him. "Well come on then." you say and enter your room. Ben awkwardly follows you to your room, leaving the two smirking girls behind on the couch. The door closes.  
"Turn around please." You definitely do not need to say it a second time.  
You're enjoying this way too much, teasing him like that. You quickly put on some underwear, fitting track pants and a crop top.  
"So...What's up with the flowers ?" he asks to distract himself. His voice sounds deep and monotonous like always.  
"An apology." You simply say, which doesn't seem a good enough answer for him.  
You can see the look on his face, he wants a whole detailed explanation. But you weren't going to give him that.  
"Honestly I don't really want to talk about it anymore." You say and take a seat on your bed. He just stands there, not knowing what to do, so you sign for him to sit in front of you. He takes off his shoes and sits cross legged.

"So..How have you been?" You ask. You didn't always want to talk about you, you wanted to know more about him.  
Come to think of it, he knew a lot more than he should.  
"I've been great." He stares at you, and you stare right back at him, which forces him to say more than one sentence.  
"I don't feel comfortable talking about it." He then says, which surprises you. So there _was_ something going on with him as well.  
"I don't know anything about you. We should change that."

 

\---------------------------------------

 

**Kylo Ren**

 

You're feeling a bit uncomfortable, she wants you to share things with her, and you can't blame her for being curious.  
She told you a lot of things already, and you didn't.  
"Ok so let's make a deal then, You can ask me a question, and then I can ask you one."  
"Like a game?" She smiles.  
"Well it feels more like a job interview." You chuckle and look around.  
You never really payed much attention to her room before. The both of you decide to ask 1 question each turn. There were a lot of things you wanted to know about her, and you had to be careful which ones to pick first. You decide to start with an innocent one. Just so she knows you're cool and not a totally obsessed freak.  
"What's your favorite color ?"  
Nima plays with her hair and thinks about this for a few seconds. "Sky blue. Wait , no! Turquoise. Definitely turquoise."

You chuckle and love the way she looks so innocent. Why did you ever want to hurt something so precious and beautiful ?  
It's her turn to ask a question.

"What's going on ?"

You think before you answer. she wanted something more personal and deep.  
And maybe you should, just for the sake of keeping her interest. You decide to be as honest as you can without giving yourself away.

"My mother tried to contact me again. I don't want to see her." You swallow and look at your hands. You're acting shy, but you just want to see her reaction, in her head. Without accidentally staring too much. You're missing your mask already.

"Your mom? Why not?"  
Nima is surprised you told her this. It makes her feel less shitty about her not having her life together the way she wants, the way she thinks it should have been.

"Isn't it my turn to ask a question?" You wink and she blushes. "Well.. Okay. But you already know my next question then!"  
You nod. "Okay. What do your parents think about you working here ?"

Nima shrugs and looks down. "I mean, They don't really have a problem with it. They're happy I can provide for them, and that I have this opportunity to work for some of the most important people in the galaxy.."

She looks at you and waits for _your_ answer to her earlier question. You wait a bit before answering and look around the room again. It's quite plain, and clean. There aren't many decorations yet. You look deep into her eyes.  
"My parents and I aren't exactly on good terms. I haven't spoken to them in years."  
"...Really ?"  
You can practically hear her mind _scream_ for more answers, but she's trying to contain herself before she comes off as rude.  
You're glad she has the decency to know where to stop.

"Why do you work here ? Why do you need the money so bad ?"

She is taken aback by this question and it seems she doesn't wants to answer it.  
But you have to know. One way or another ,you will know.

"Well..?" You feel yourself growing impatient. Nima is trying, you know that. But it's not going fast enough.  
When you want something, you want it right away. And you will do anything to get it. You might have to force her on this one.  
You're thinking about that for a few minutes when she suddenly starts talking.

"I need a new apartment. I need money, and lots of it, to be able to purchase one on the higher levels.  
My grandfather dreamed about this his whole life. I want him to spend his last days breathing fresh air _every_ day.  
I want him to feel the sunshine on his skin when he leaves this world. "

You can feel her sadness spreading across the room. There was so much anger inside of her. So many feelings you didn't know she had. You can see the flashbacks, she hated her home more than anything in the world. Everything was dark over there, there were not enough chances for girls like her. There was so much crime and injustice. Not a single day went by where she didn't get harassed by other locals. Scenes where her father came home, his face covered in blood. She never felt safe, and had to constantly stay alert. There was no place for peace or rest.

You feel another wave of guilt. You hadn't made it much easier for her here. You wanted to change that, but you knew you couldn't promise her safety. Not in times like these, and not with you by her side.

\---------------------------------------

 

**Nima**

 

The two of you talk the whole evening. About your life back home, your parents, his parents,.. You like talking to him. Even if he is really awkward most of the time, you like the way he explains things. He is a smart young man, and he had had a lot of life experiences already.

When it's time for him to leave, you hug him. He doesn't hug you back at first, but you feel his arms closing around you slowly and carefully, as if you're this fragile little thing that could break into a million pieces any second. You wonder if he has a lot of experience with women as well.  
When he leaves, you get into bed right away. You decided you were going to confront Ren tomorrow morning.  
If he really felt sorry and wanted to change his behavior towards you then you could have a good chance here at the First Order. an opportunity to have a decent career and to change the lifestyle of your family.

You wake up at 5 am and get dressed. A warm winter coat and boots will prevent you from freezing this time. The way to the cliff seems endless. It was still dark outside and you weren't fond of walking alone in the woods like that, but you figured there was nothing or no one that could hurt you more than Commander Ren. As you march through the snow, you're beginning to notice some footsteps. It looks like you took a whole other path than him. You follow in his steps and eventually reach the cliff side. It was 6 am sharp. Al though it is still dark, you can see a tall figure waiting for you. When he sees you, he drops down. You don't know why, but as you come closer you can see him sitting, on what seems to be a thick animal fur.

"Good morning."

You give him a short nod. "Good morning."  
You stand there, not knowing what to do. Should you sit down? Who talks first? Should you talk first? No. No way you were talking first.

_Sit._

You pull your eyebrows together and take a seat next to him. The fur is soft and warmer than you expected.

"Would you like some tea?"  
Your head turns almost faster than light speed when you thought you heard your boss offer you _tea_. He takes out a vacuum flask and a cup and hands it to you.  
While filling the cup, you wonder if he wanted some as well, but he probably didn't..With the mask and all..  
Both your hands keep hold of the cup, you look at your hands and notice a new hole in one of your finger less gloves. How did this even happen?  
You make a mental note not to buy cheap ones next time. While your eyes focus on the mountains ahead, Ren nervously looks at you, looks away, and then again turns his head to you again. He clearly doesn't know where to start and it is both tortuously awkward and funny.

"...Did you like the flowers?" He finally asks you, it's an odd question, considering he never made small talk with you before.

"I did. They really cheer up the place." Your sentence is short and abrupt. You don't feel like you should make it easier on him. You quite like having him suffer for a bit, now that you have the chance.

Ren let's out a deep sigh and doesn't look at you anymore for about 10 minutes. You enjoy your tea and wonder what's for lunch today.

"I will not hurt you or scare you like that again." He finally says, and let's out another deep breath. "I'm even willing to give you a slight raise."

You pull up your eyebrows in surprise. "Well..Okay.." You quickly follow up your sentence. "But I want a couple more benefits than that. " You feel a rush of adrenaline streaming through your body. You just told Commander Ren he owes you more than an apology and a raise to keep you here, you're making a blunt and dangerous move, when you really would've stayed without the extra pay. Jodee was right. If he really did feel guilty, he would be willing to give you more than you deserved. He seems to think the same thing ; _where did that come from?!_ , but he doesn't argue.

"What sort of benefits?" he asks, and you shrug. "I don't know yet. But I'll tell you when I figured it out. "  
You're both proud and angry at yourself for being so frank. This is what bravery looks like. You smile and drink the last of your tea.  
The sun slowly starts to rise, and you both watch quietly, knowing that this day would be an eventful one.


	10. Drama

You're sitting in one of the meeting rooms together with Ren. You must admit you still feel a bit skittish about being alone with him in one room, and you hope that feeling will go away in time when he proves to be a good man to you. The people you're waiting for are extremely late, and you wonder if they will ever show up.

To pass the time you start daydreaming. Ben turns up unintentionally and you try to block him out before the Commander notices you thinking about another boy again. But you can't help yourself. His weird face was difficult to forget. You wonder if you'd see him in one of the following meetings this week, and if he would act as if he didn't know you at all, which seemed most likely.

"Sir, can I ask you something?"

Kylo Ren looks at you but doesn't say anything. You take that as a yes.

"Do you know...Ben?" He might know more about him than you after all. It was hard to get any personal information out of that guy. Maybe you should get him drunk next time.

"Ben who?" He responds, you sigh.

"I don't know..I only know him as 'Ben'. He's a tall young man with black hair. quite pale...His ears _and_ his nose are kinda huge. Did you meet him yet? He's here on the base." You smile hopefully, but before he can give you an answer, your guests finally arrive, led by General Hux, Jodee and two officers. What a great fucking timing that was...

The meeting goes well, They were a friendly group of people working on new technologies to improve the ventilation system used on various battleships. Quite a boring department in your opinion. The general appears as charming as ever, especially to one of the women, who easily let's her guard down for the attention of such an important man. They do not however dare to interact with Kylo Ren, who sits back in his chair and slowly observes every single one of them. Reading their thoughts carefully.

\---------------------------------------

It's lunch time. the three of you wait in line to get served. You smell apple pie from a distance which makes your stomach rumble even more.  
"So how did things go?" Zazu asks you, to which you simply answer : "Pretty good, actually."

"So you're staying?" Jodee turns around and joins the conversation.

"Seems like it, yea."

"I wasn't talking about the Commander." Zazu giggles. "I want details on your night with Ben."

You roll your eyes, she's so annoying sometimes. But at the same time it brings a smile on your face. Zazu really does focus on the fun aspects of your life.

"I already told you.He left on time, like a perfect gentleman. Nothing happened, we just hung out and talked."

"Pshhhh _BORING_. Why can't you both just kiss each other already !"

You laugh and start filling up your tray with food. You look around hoping to find Jekyll somewhere in this huge crowd of stormtroopers, but you still can't see him or any of his mates. His squad must be on a mission then.

The three of you place your trays on your usual corner table and take a seat. Zazu was telling a story when all three of you received a message on the exact same time, causing a lot of noise in the mess hall because each of you had a different ringtone apparently. You ignore the faces looking at your direction, and read the message.

" _You will recieve special training 2 times a week starting tomorrow. Report to Captain Phasma at 7 pm._ "

"Extra training? What for?"

"I overheard Hux talking about some changes in our schedule. They probably just want to prepare us for safety reasons." Jodee doesn't seem too bothered with it. Zazu just laughs because she is way ahead you. Captain Phasma makes her exercise almost every single day.You want to complain, but you knew this day would come sooner or later, you couldn't all just stay on on the base forever. There were actual missions Kylo Ren had to complete, and you were his assistant. So you should be happy to learn at least some kind of fighting techniques.

\---------------------------------------

After a long and amusing lunch break, you all return to your duties; Zazu joins Phasma during a safety check in the hangar, Jodee heads off to another long afternoon as the General's invisible exspresso machine and you...Well you just look for clues on how to find the Commander, by following his trail of doom and rainclouds and eventually find him near the control rooms.

You and the Commander enter the main control room, You almost bump into Ren when he suddenly stops right in the middle. Hux stands in front of him, his orange hair neatly combed back as usual. The two men look so extremely intimidating and you wonder which one of them has the upper hand in this rivalry between them. You notice Jodee is nowhere to be seen.

"Just the person I wanted to see." Hux says with his slick annoying voice. You look around and notice some officers low key following the conversation between the Commander and the General. You feel someone tapping your shoulder and turn your attention back to Kylo Ren and his angry boyfriend.

"I was obviously talking to you." Hux says and you look at him in surprise.  
"Oh..Well..It's great to see you too!" You stammer , officers and technicians definitely turn to look at you now.

"Is there something you want?" Ren isn't pleased by the fact Hux just pointed out he'd rather see you, a poor little assistant than himself, an important Jedi-killing First Order Elite. You hate the way Hux is looking at the both of you. If it was allowed you'd slap that smirk right off his face.

"Yes actually." He continues. "I was just wondering if you had a boyfriend."

 _Am I hearing this right? Did he just ask me if I had a boyfriend?_ You think to yourself, your face shows a mix between shock, confusion and disgust.

 _Answer him._ You hear Ren's voice command you in your head.

"It's just that, ahem..How do I say this..I heard some rumors." His eyes go from you, to Ren.

"N-No sir..I don't..I don't have a boyfriend."

"Excellent. It occurred to me the ball is only 3 days away from now, and I was wondering if you would like to accompany me as my date.  
It is always nice to have a beautiful lady at your arm during this kind of formal event."

He smiles kindly at you.

 _What the fuck..?_ Was the only thing you could think of, and you weren't the only one, because Ren was practically screaming it in his mind _and_ yours.

_WHAT THE FUCK_

You slowly blink, and just kind of stare at him. "Ehm..I.."

"She's already going with me." Kylo Ren interrupts. You have never seen a more spiteful look on the General's face than today.

 _Bless you, Commander Ren._ You want to burst out laughing, but you know you can't. You cannot describe how good this feels. The whole office is watching, and soon everyone would know how the General was humiliated by Ren. And it wasn't as if he would actually take you to this ball, right?

_You are going to this ball with me and that's the end of it._

_Are you serious?! You can't make me. We had an agreement._ You can't imagine this whole day being real. Can he even force you to be his date? That's not professional at all.

"Is that so?" Hux sharply looks at you, penetrating you with those fierce blue eyes of his.

"Y-Yea..Yes Sir. The Commander already bought me a brand new dress and everything." You smile and hear Ren's voice again.

_Oh no you did not._

_I. Just. Did._ You smile and give the general a polite but mocking bow. "Thank you so much for your offer, sir. I am sure you will find someone else to go with you."

You turn around , because this seems like the perfect moment to walk away. And Kylo Ren seems to think the same, as he puts his arm around your waist. If that wasn't a dramatic exit, then what was.

You push yourself away from him when you're out of sight. You didn't like him touching you like that, though you knew it was just to piss off Hux. The both of you feel equally elated, and you're glad that for once, you and Ren were on the same page. Hating the same person always formed some kind of bond.

"Sir ? Are you really going to take _me_ to the ball? I mean I'm sure you'll find someone more appropriate in no time."

"There is absolutely nothing appropriate about a ball being held on Starkiller Base."

You follow him to his room but don't enter. Something is stopping you. You just don't feel comfortable going in there again. Meanwhile he looks at you, his hand gesture telling you to go in already.

_we had an agreement. Go in, or leave. If you can't do your job, there is just no need for you to torture yourself any longer._

"I.." The words you had prepared won't leave your mouth, so instead of talking, you enter without a word.

\---------------------------------------

 

** Kylo Ren **

 

"You can't blame me for acting this way." She finally says after what seemed an eternity.  
You're sitting in an armchair, just to allow her some space back there on the couch. Nima sighs.  
"You tried to kill me for god's sake."  
"I would have never gone that far ! " You try to defend yourself. But you know well enough that she had no way of knowing that.  
You had secretly wished she would have forgiven you by now. But who could possibly let something like this go in such a short amount of time.  
You're starting to feel hopeless.  
"I just need more time to feel safe around you again. Until then, you'll just have to deal with my behavior."  
You're a little surprised by her boldness. It's a sign she could be stronger than you perceived her.  
"I will grant you that time. But I still need you to go to that ball with me."  
"No offense Commander, i'm quite flattered, but i just think you should go with someone your own age."

"Someone my..."

You get up and angrily march across the room.

"Someone my own age?!"  
You take deep breaths and do everything you can in your power not to pull out your lightsaber and destroy shit.

"Exactly how _old_ do you think I am?!"  
You yell, and you can see her cower instantly. Nima is trembling with fear, and yet she pushes every inch of her body to answer your question.

"...50?"

"AND I don't need you to feel flattered because I don't care about your stupid girl shit,  
you _KNOW_ I just did it to safe you from the general and- ...Wait what?! 50? Really?"  
You stop pacing back and forth and stare at her. You _need_ to calm yourself down. She's getting anxious.  
Nima knows you can pop off any second, and flowers won't keep her here if this ever happened again.  
You slowly take your seat back in the armchair and let out a deep breath.

"I'm 5 years younger than General Hux." Your tone is now calm an you manage to relax your shoulders a bit.  
She almost chokes and starts coughing, but at least she's distracted from her fear again by receiving some juicy information which she would probably tell her friends the minute she got back to her own room.

"So you're like...In your 20's...That's so strange.."

\---------------------------------------

 

**Nima**

 

He let's you go immediately, Ren probably felt really awkward around you now that you knew he was just a young man. A violent crazy power hungry young man. You rush through the hallways, eager to tell Zazu what you just heard.He suddenly seemed way less intimidating to you. You pull out your key to open the door, but nothing happens. You try again, Noting. This was strange. Oh well, you'd ask fo another key tomorrow then. Zazu and Jodee were probably inside anyway, so you just knock. Again nothing happens. You press your ear against the door and hear 2 people talking, so you just knock again, this time louder. You wait a few minutes. Why weren't they opening this damn door?! Extremely annoyed, you knock _again_.

"Hey! It's NIMA. Let me in ! "  
Still nothing. Your data pad vibrates, there's a new message from Jodee.

_"Zazu is very upset, you probably know why. It's probably better you don't stay here tonight."_

"What the fuck?"  
Your fingers frantically start typing a response.  
_"Please enlighten me?! Let me the fuck inside, how old are you?"_

_"Hux. The whole base is talking about it. He promised to go with _her_ first you know..."_

You cannot believe this shit. She can't be serious. So that's what they were talking about when Ben saw them together...How was this _your_ fault though?

 _"I didn't know that did I ? And I rejected his offer so why the fuck am I getting punished for that slimy git betting on two horses?!"_  
Jodee doesn't respond. You wait in front of your door for about an hour, you figured they'd go outside for dinner at least. But they did not.

"Fucking bitches."

Where were you supposed to go then? Your first thought is of course Ben. It was the obvious decision.  
_"Ben I need you, where are you? I'll explain later."_

\---------------------------------------

 

You wander around the base, taking random rights and lefts. You have no idea where you are at this point, it must be around 8 pm already. You see lots of passing stormtroopers, and you figure you must be near their chambers somewhere on the lower levels. They don't seem to mind you being here, they pay you no attention at all actually. You continue your walk until you finally get an answer.  
_"can't talk, in a meeting, I'll see you tomorrow?"_  
_For Fuck's sake._

Not knowing were to go, you decide to just keep walking until you figure something out. Absentmindedly you end up in Kylo Ren's hall. Should you knock? You might get to hang out there or even ask him for a spare room somewhere on the base. Before you can make a decision, Ren opens the door for you. Without saying a word, you enter and take your usual spot on the couch. The both of you say nothing, he probably already knows why you're here.

"Are you going to tell me what happened ?"

You look up and realise you've started crying.  
You begin to tell him how you've waited for hours for them to open that damn door, and why they didn't want you there tonight.

\---------------------------------------

 

**Kylo Ren**

 

While she's ranting and crying over the freeze out her friends just started, you make Nima a cup of chamomile tea.  
You had never seen her this upset about something.

"I mean, Where does she even get the idea I would ever _WANT_ someone like Hux to ask _me_ out?"

Her eyes are swollen and her shirt drenched with tears. You hand her the tea and realise she probably had to skip dinner because of these cunts.

"I will order you some food first." You decide, but Nima declines ; "I'm not hungry.." She starts crying even more.  
You can't take this much longer. You need to find a way to cheer her up. You think about what your father used to tell you about women.

 _"Women are tricky creatures, son._  
_You can't do much good in their eyes when they get upset._  
_Best to play it safe, and give her a treat. Chocolate is always a winner, try to remember that."_

He then went off to your mother to try and calm her down. As you recall, she was still crying and shouting at Solo after he tried to bribe her with some sweets. What did _he_ know about women anyway.

You decide to try it out nonetheless , and look for a chocolate bar in your cupboards, you originally saved this specific bar for yourself..But this was a serious situation, so you had to part with it.

"Are you even listening to me?!"

You quickly return to your seat and offer her the chocolate. For once, she was actually scaring _you_.  
Nima was a very different person when she was both angry _and_ hungry. She pouts her lips and seems to be considering accepting the sweet goods.  
She finally takes it and starts eating. More like nibbling actually, It made her look adorable.  
Now that her mouth was occupied, you got the chance to say something yourself.

"Your friend is obviously very jealous of you. Locking you out of your own room was a dick move."  
You let out a deep breath and continue.  
"We won't tolerate this childish bullying as it will most likely affect your work as well. I suggest we go back now and if they don't let you in, I will _break_ that door open."

"It's that fucking Jodee I'm telling you ! She wants to steal _my_ best friend and she knows i'm on to her !"  
She yells and almost spills her tea on your beautiful white carpet.  
How the fuck did you even get in between all this girl drama. You will never forgive Hux for this.  
You thought that she would leave you alone if _Ben_ told her he didn't have time tonight, but she came _to you._ She came to Kylo Ren for comfort.  
That's how horrible and alone Zazu made her feel tonight. But this wasn't according to plan.  
She was never supposed to come so close to you. Ben could comfort her, Ben was allowed to make her like you. Kylo Ren just wasn't.


	11. That Night With Ren part 1

Kylo Ren doesn't even ask them to open the door, he uses his powers. You hear a pair of gasps and enter. Zazu and Jodee just sit there, staring at you, but you don't pay them any attention. You go directly to your room and close the door behind you. Despite being alone now, you feel extremely uncomfortable being here. Knowing you're unwelcome is never a nice feeling. You're numb and you just don't know what to do next. To take off your mind you take the old book out of your closet, sit on your bed and study the engraved artwork on the cover. It didn't have any title nor did it give you an idea of what the book would be about. The engravings show the face of a young woman with beautiful long hair and distinctive facial features. She was quite pretty, and you feel as if you'd seen her face somewhere before. You finally turn your attention to the pages itself, and see the name of what you assume is the writer, Leia Organa.

_Leia Organa_

Wait, wasn't that Luke Skywalker's twin sister? Daughter of the infamous Darth Vader. This book was written by Kylo Ren's mother.

You start reading the first chapter, in which Leia starts telling the story of how she first met Luke. You had heard stories before, but never had you come across any written document about what exactly happened on the first Death Star. There are so many details, and you even laugh at some points when she describes Han Solo.

You have to close the book after reading the first 3 chapters because you're tired. You fall asleep and don't wake up the next morning until you receive a message. You open one eye and use your hand to block off the light coming off your Data Pad. It's from Kylo Ren, saying he won't need your assistance today, he needs time to meditate. You sigh. What were you supposed to do all day? The first training session didn't start until after dinner, so you decide to close your eyes once more, and sleep until the afternoon.

After taking a long hot shower, shaving your legs and having a big brunch with eggs and bacon, you decide to send your parents a message, letting them know everything is going fine, even if they weren't. There was no need to make them worry when they couldn't help you anyway. You look around you and admire each flower once more. You wonder how long it will take for them to go bad. Your data pad vibrates. That's a quick response, you think when you assume it would be your mother, but it wasn't. The message was from Ben.

_"Are you free tonight ?"_

You close your eyes and put the data pad back on the table next to you. You don't feel like making time for him, because apparently he couldn't do that for you either. You're actually quite embarrassed you had to cry your eyes out in front of Kylo Ren. He had been so kind to you yesterday, making you tea, listening to you raging on about Zazu and Jodee... And you can't remember when was the last time you had any chocolate. Maybe he really was trying to turn over a new leaf.

\---------------------------------------

You are making pancakes when Zazu enters the room. You try not to look at her direction , you didn't want her to think you had anything to say to her. She ignores you as much as you ignore her, so there wasn't a problem then. That's what you thought at least before she came up to you, while you started eating at the kitchen counter.

"Look I know you're angry at me, and I'm sorry. I hate fighting with you.."  
You put some extra syrup on your next pancake to replace a bitter taste in your mouth. How dare she talk to you right now.  
Zazu feels extremely uncomfortable but tries again anyway.

"Can we please talk about this like adults?"  
You almost spit out your food.  
"Oh so _now_ you want to act like an adult? "

"Look I know I shouldn't have shut you out ok? I was just so angry and sad and I figured you could stay with Ben anyway so -"

"Ben was busy ! So I had no choice but to go to _the Commander's_ room and disturb his evening because you and your _best friend_ decided I was to be blamed!"

"She's not my best friend ! Look I don't know what else to say okay I know I was wrong to be mad at you and I'm _sorry_."

"You're a cunt." You get up and throw away the two remaining pancakes on your plate.  
You suddenly weren't so hungry anymore. Besides, you had to get ready for training anyway.  
Zazu follows you when you walk to your room.

"I hope you can forgive me after some time..I also have a sports bra you can borrow..I mean..I figured you didn't have one..I won't be at the session myself..The Captain figured I already have enough training every morning."  
She holds up the pink bra and you hesitate for a moment, but snatch it from her hands. You hated sports, so you didn't own any. You close the door in front of her to change.

\---------------------------------------

You find your way to one of the smaller training halls which were close to where you wandered yesterday, to where the stormtroopers lived. You're surprised to see you're the last one there even though you were 10 minutes early. There was a small group of girls, they all looked quite young, barely teenagers, and you figured they were to be the next generation of soldiers. each person had a blue mat in front of them, there was only one left, which forced you to stand next to Jodee. You notice the children looking your way, one girl in particular seemed to be very interested in your arrival. Ignoring them would probably be the best thing to do here, so you just take your position next to your enemy. When Phasma finally arrives, everyone is focused on her and what she's saying. You're going to start with some basic defence moves, at least You and Jodee were. The kids already knew those, so Phasma let 2 of the girls show you how it was done.

You're standing in front of the girl who stared at you earlier, and try to disarm her. You quickly notice how much you'd gotten out of shape.  
"No no, you put your hand _here_ " The girl says as she teaches you the right way to take someone's weapon from them. It takes you a while to get the hang of it, and you're bothered when Jodee already gets to learn the next move. After an hour or two, you finally get to go back to your room, but you stay behind until Jodee leaves first, you wouldn't want to have to share an elevator with her. You hope that once you're getting better, this training will teach you how to cut this bitch's throat.

"Don't worry. It is completely normal for you not to be as good as these kids. They have had training ever since they learned how to walk after all." Phasma assures you.  
You smile and thank her for her kind words. She seemed so much more human comparing to Hux and Ren. You gather your things and head out of the training hall. You notice the curious girl waiting for you, you keep walking however, but she quickly follows you;  
"Hi, nice to meet you my name is LL-0250 !" She introduces herself without you asking for any information. Weird. You nod but keep your distance.  
"What's your name?"  
What did this kid want to know your name for anyway? Didn't she have to be somewhere?  
"I'm Nima." You give her a faint smile and enter the elevator, to your surprise, she jumps in and doesn't stop staring at you.  
"So...I heard you're Kylo Ren's girlfriend and I was so stoked to meet you..You're very pretty!"

_...What?_

"Ehm..Thanks...I'm just his assistant though. Sorry to disappoint you." You feel extremely uncomfortable talking to this trooper-teen. Come to think of it you never met any of the young ones before.

"Nonsense! Don't worry Nima, I'll keep your secret."

Well _apparently_ It wasn't much of a secret to begin with.

"Fine." You sigh. "You got me. And as Ren's girlfriend I think you should probably get back now."  
You step out of the elevator and she nods about 20 times at a very high speed.  
"I will! See you next week!" You regret lying to her just to get her off your back, but you must admit her wide smile was kind of adorable.

You were Really looking forward getting back to your room and continuing that book, but when you turn around the corner, you see Ben waiting in front of your door. Shit. You were all sweaty and gross. Should you turn around? No, too late. He already saw you. Dammit.

You awkwardly wave your hand at him. "Hi Ben.."

"Hey..How are you..? I didn't know were you went so..I just waited here..I hope that's okay."

Ben doesn't seem to care what you look like, but you still feel very self conscious. "No that's fine..I'm fine...Everything's fine.." You realise how stupid you sound and try to change the subject. "I should _really_ go take a shower now."

"What ? no..I..um.." He pauses and you wait for him to create full sentences.  
"I'd like to spend some time with you tonight..I- I am leaving tomorrow."  
Your heart skips a beat. "You're _leaving_ ?! Why? The ball is in two days..Aren't you going to stay for that?"  
"I can't..I'm sorry." You both look away. You weren't expecting this to hit you so hard. You hardly even knew him..And maybe that's why you wanted him to stay so badly right now. Something about Ben made you feel good, great even. Why couldn't he just give you a chance to get to know him better? You suppose he didn't have much of a choice...

\---------------------------------------

After your shower, you go to your room where Ben is waiting for you. He's sitting on your bed and you join him.  
"So where are you going? When am I going to see you again?"  
Ben shrugs, he takes your hand into his and studies each of your fingers.  
"It depends on my boss..I don't think he's happy with me spending time with you..But he can't control me like that..He thinks he can..But I won't let him. Not this time."  
his eyes find yours and you stare at each other a few seconds. What did he even mean by that?  
"Why wouldn't your boss want you to spend time with me? I don't even know him.."  
He smiles and carefully touches your cheek. "Because you're different."  
You slightly part your lips, but you don't know what to say. You keep looking at him and vice versa.  
For a moment It seemed as if he was going to kiss you, but then he pulls away and let's go of your hand. He sure knew how to create awkward situations.  
You don't talk anymore, and neither does he. But it feels good to sit next to him. You're getting more tired every minute however, and after an hour of silence, you decide to lie down. Ben lies down behind you, you don't mind. You wonder if he's going to spoon you and hold you in his strong arms..You'd love to fall asleep like that.

When you open your eyes however, he's gone. You feel very alone and hug your pillow. It was already morning, and he had to go.. You hate the uncertainty of whether you'll ever see him again or not.

 

\---------------------------------------

 

**Kylo Ren**

 

The next day, You are accompanied by two ladies from Coruscant, here to show you the most elegant gowns of the planet, and to help you choose one for Nima. They had brought in at least 60 dresses, and you only had 1 day to decide which one you were going to buy. When you contacted them, you had to fill in a list with questions; What colours does she like? Which body type does she have? What's her height? You didn't know any of those things, so you had to describe Nima to them, You tried to be as detailed as possible, and that seemed enough information for them to work with. You sit on the couch without your mask, the ladies take turns to present a gown to you. This was going to take ages. You already turn down the first 10 dresses. You had no idea what you were doing or what you wanted, good thing you knew what you _didn't_ want. You tried to picture Nima in every dress that was presented to you to help you pick the right one. She had rather small breasts and wide hips, the dress had to flaunt her assets, but you also didn't want her to walk around half naked and uncomfortable.

You have to look at gown after gown and it's making you regret taking Nima to the ball in the first place. This shit was really difficult. How did women find any joy in this? After hours of torture, gown nr. 46 catches your interest. You try to picture Nima wearing it, and it all just _works_. The dress is a very dark red, with gold metal straps on the sleeves and neck. There are golden shoes to go with it, and all you can do is smile. Nima looks so happy in your head, and you suspect it is more than your imagination, it's a vision. Not only did it suit her body perfectly, it would match well with what you were wearing that evening. She would look like a queen. _Your_ queen.

 

 

You ask the women to wait while you summon Nima to your chambers. She had to try it on first after all.It doesn't take long for her to get here, and you're so excited you almost forget to put on your helmet before you let her in.

"Good morning sir, How are you -" She pauses when she sees all the dresses laying around your room.  
You hand her the outfit you picked out for her. "Try it on." You command her, she quickly heads to the bathroom and you wait anxiously for her to come out.  
What if she didn't like it? No,there was no way _anyone_ would dislike this dress.

You're waiting patiently on the couch, when you hear the door opening, you turn your head , and get up immediately when you finally get to see her; she looks absolutely _stunning._ The mask luckily hides your baffled expression, although you doubt she would mind. You can't bring out one word, you just keep staring at this beautiful picture walking out of the bathroom. It hugs her body in all the right places, and for the first time in your 28 year old life, you cannot even control what's in your pants. _It just happened._

\---------------------------------------

 

**Nima**

 

The two women gasp when you step out of the door. Kylo Ren gets up but doesn't say anything. He stares at you and you wonder if he was speechless because he liked it or because he absolutely hated it. You stand in front of the mirror and never felt this pretty in your whole life. _Is this really me?!_ You wonder and turn around to look at the back. This was definitely your colour.

"Sir, did _you_ pick out this dress?" You ask, but don't look at him.You're too busy admiring the sleeves.

"Yes. I did. Why? Don't you like it?"

He sounds _nervous_.

"Do I _like_ it? No. I _LOVE_ it!" You exclaim and walk up to him.

"You have very good taste, Commander. It even matches your outfit!"

"Well..Yes. It does. Exactly." He seems pretty pleased with himself now, the nervousness washed away as fast as light speed.

"I'll change back into my work clothes now." You can't wait to wear it again, the ball suddenly didn't seem so bad now.

\---------------------------------------

You're almost too excited to go to sleep. You ran around all day making some last minute arrangements for the ball, tomorrow evening was the big day, and you were not going to work before that. You still had a whole list that needed to be completed before you were ready. You take Organa's book and start reading chapter 4. Leia is slowly admitting to herself she likes Han. But it seems like such a strange match. You try to notice any similarities between Leia, Han and Kylo Ren. How did they conceive a child that was the complete opposite of what they stood for? You read until chapter 6, after they just landed in Cloud City. You'd love to continue, but you need to sleep if you don't wish to have baggy eyes tomorrow.

\---------------------------------------

It's 11 am. You lie awake in your bed, it's so comfortable and you're extremely happy you had the privilege of sleeping in today. You fantasize about the evening and all the interesting people you might get to meet. This could be a great opportunity for you, and you almost feel sorry for Zazu not being allowed to go. Someone knocks at your door, speak of the devil. "Come in."  
Zazu enters your room and closes the door behind you. "Hi."  
"Hi."  
"How're you feeling?" She asks, and you want to tell her to fuck off, but you're in such a good mood that you don't want to say these negative things.  
"I'm fine..You?"  
"Yea I'm good."  
The two of you stay quiet, you eventually get up and scratch the back of your head.  
"So..What time are you going tonight?"  
You shrug. " 7, i think."  
"I'll do your hair and make up if you want.."  
"No that's fine..Thanks."  
There's another gap of silence.  
"I'm sorry he broke your heart."  
Zazu smiles. "That's alright..He wasn't the right one i guess. I'm sorry I blamed you for it."  
"I forgive you..Just promise me to never fall in love with a guy like that _ever_ again."  
She chuckles.  
"Promise."  
You motion her to get on the bed. When you sit across from each other, you start to tell her about the book you found and show the face of Ren's mother.  
"Dude can I borrow this? It will take my mind off the fact that I can't go to the ball..I'm so bummed to be honest. I love dressing up..." She pouts and you give her the book.  
"Okay, but don't let anyone know you have it, Not even Jodee."  
Zazu nods. "I won't tell anyone."

\---------------------------------------

There's music playing in the living area, Zazu had finally convinced you to do your hair and make up. She was really good at it after all. Jodee offered to help as well, but you still didn't want her to come anywhere near you. Captain Phasma would be here any moment now, it was weird knowing she was coming over, so Jodee made sure the place looked flawless. When Zazu is done with you, you check yourself out in the mirror, and you absolutely love what she had done with your hair. It takes you some time to get used to, you have never seen it in this kind of updo before; She made a nice bun at the back, and managed to completely tame it for the evening. 

 

 

Phasma arrives, and the three of you are absolutely amazed by how good she looks. Her figure looks more than great in the dress she is wearing, never in a million years did you manage to vision her without the armor.

"Good evening, ladies." She gives each of you a polite nod, and then notices the flowers.  
"Well..This place looks quite nice. Where did you manage to get so many flowers?" The look on her face betrays the question she really wanted to ask you; WHY?!  
You chuckle and put on your earrings.  
"They were a gift from the Commander." Zazu giggles. Phasma pulls up her eyebrows and takes a seat. "Never knew he was so..Charming."  
Zazu starts working on her, and you go to your room to put on your dress.

When Kylo Ren knocks on the door, you know it's time to leave. Zazu sprays some perfume on you before you head out the door, the Commander holds out his arm and you gladly take it. while you're walking together, he occasionally glances at you.  
"You look nice." He says, in such a tone that you're not sure if it was a compliment or just sarcasm.  
"You think I'm pretty, Sir?" You tease. It's funny how he tries to be nice and rude at the same time.He was truly the strangest man you ever met.  
"Don't call me Sir. You can't let others know you're my assistant."  
"Okay..So what should I call u?"  
"Kylo Ren is fine." He takes another look at you, this time a few seconds longer.  
"You are pretty."  
Your smile can't get any wider now. It hurts your cheeks immensely. Did he just call you pretty? Yes, yes he did. Kylo Ren thought you were pretty.

You arrive at a hall you've never seen before. It was huge and looked completely different than any other room on the base. There were tall windows with long thick soft looking curtains, almost the same colour as the dress you were wearing. The floor was made out of black marble, and the whole place was decorated with candles and soft lighting. There were tables where people were sitting and drinking, eating and talking business, there was a dance floor and a live orchestra playing on a small stage at the end of the hall. The buffet looked incredible and you suddenly wish you weren't wearing such a tight dress, because you definitely plan on trying out every dish and dessert available. There were so many people, all looking fabulous in their own fashion. A servant appeared before you, offering Kylo Ren and yourself a glass of champagne. Ren had to decline of course, but you sure as hell didn't.

You've only been inside a few minutes when people start walking up to you and Kylo, they all want to meet the famous most talented knight of Ren, a fat man shakes his hand and then kisses yours. "Please come and join us later." He points at one of the tables where he and his company are sitting. Ren nods and pays attention to the next guest who wants to greet him. It goes on for about 10 minutes until He gets tired of it. He takes you to the table where the man from earlier is sitting, you both take a seat and join the conversation. "I'm sorry I don't believe I know your name yet." the man says and you introduce yourself;  
"My name is Nima, sir."  
"Ah, such a pretty name for such a beautiful young lady! To be quite honest I had _no idea_ Kylo Ren had a partner."  
You smile and take a sip of champagne. "It's quite new so I don't think anybody knows."

The first hours of the party almost seem _too_ much fun. There had to some kind of catch, you think to yourself. You chat around with the people at your table, while Ren keeps himself quiet. At one point he just gets up and leaves without saying anything, so you just stay seated and act as if it didn't bother you that he just left you with 8 complete strangers, who were only nice to you because you were Kylo Ren's 'girlfriend'. You see officers, politicians, and rich people looking to invest in the war to come. You have to admit you feel a tad out of place, but nobody dared to treat you badly. When Ren finally returns, he asks you what you want to eat. Well, what wouldn't you want to eat? The lobster looks pretty good. And if your eyes are not deceiving you, there's a chocolate fountain out there, with all sorts of fruit to make a chocolate fondue. Your thoughts linger on the chocolate, so Kylo takes your hand and walks to the buffet with you. He signals a servant and commands him to fill it up with every piece of food he points at.

"You _should_ try all of them."  
"Aren't you hungry?" You ask, and he shakes his head. "No."  
You both distance yourselves from everyone by sitting at a corner table and you start tasting everything that's on your plate; Cheese balls with parsley and mushrooms, a piece of quiche with salmon and broccoli, spring rolls, pakora, Lobster, a salad of eggplants, almonds and dried tomatoes, 1 chicken drumstick and some fried rice with peas in it. You try out everything, but don't finish it. A few bites will be enough, you don't want to walk around with a food baby.


	12. That Night With Ren part 2

"Never in my life have I eaten food this delicious."  
You sit back and hold your belly. This was a glorious evening and it had only just begun.  
When you're finally able to get up again, Kylo ren takes you to another group of people standing close to the dance floor. Hux is there as well, and it seems like he's trying to charm the most beautiful perfect girl you've ever seen.

_That girl he's talking to is a princess, and we need her dad on our side. So try to be as polite as possible._

You look at him and nod. You bow when Kylo Ren introduces you to the king, you still don't know where exactly he's from, but you figure it's better not to speak now unless spoken to.  
Kylo Ren introduces you as his girlfriend, you can't help but blush, it makes you shy.  
"Why don't you and my lovely daughter go have some fun. I would not want to bore you with all our business talk." All the men in his company laugh, expect for Ren, and you put on your best smile.

"Certainly,sire."  
What a misogynistic asshole. As if you and his daughter both are just here to look pretty, in his eyes you were probably just Kylo Ren's accessory for the evening. Well you kinda were, but you knew a great deal about the world. And you sure as hell weren't a stupid bimbo who was easily bored by serious conversation. The princess introduces herself as Roho Len. You stand next to each other close to a wall, and watch the men talk to each other from across the room. you wish you could listen to what they were saying.

"So what is he like? " Roho asks you, and you assume it's about Kylo Ren.

" He's great.Truly a strong and powerful person."

"Okay, so what about...At night? What is it like to lay with a man strong with the force?"

it's quite a bold question coming from a complete stranger you think, but then again you understand her curiosity.  
You hadn't really thought about it before. Did they do things differently? It was hard to think about the Commander in any sexual kind of way.

"It's amazing. " You say and help yourself to a new glass of champagne.  
Roho Len keeps eyeing Kylo, she must be VERY curious.

"So how did you get someone like _him_ to be with _you_?"

Whats that supposed to mean?  
"I'm sorry, princess. I'm afraid I don't really understand the question."

"Of Course you don't. " She smiles at you and plays with her long blond hair.  
"It's just that..Someone with a bloodline like his shouldn't go to waste. No offence."

You glare at her and can't believe what she just said.  
" _Some_ taken."

"I suppose you are very pretty. And i'm sure you have lots of other great qualities that made you seem very interesting to him."  
Her eyes turn back to Ren, and you already know where this is going.

"I could tell you what they are talking about if you want."

"I am sure you are _thrilled_ to tell me, princess."

"Father won't make a deal unless Kylo Ren agrees to marry me."  
She looks at you as if there was nothing wrong with what she just told you.

"That's _adorable_."  
You bite back and chug down your drink. You can't deal with this girl for much longer.

 

 

"Like I said, I am sure you are a _great_ girl. But him marrying _me_ would just make so much more sense! My country would be run by our children one day, who will also be strong and powerful like their father. We'd be unstoppable. "

You couldn't care less if Kylo Ren would wed this bitch and father her children, but you were sure as hell not going to be humiliated like that tonight. Kylo was _your_ date and _your_ pretend boyfriend.

"Have you nothing to say?"

"I don't know where you came from, but where I'm from we are decent enough not to tell another woman you plan to just take what she has. Now if you'll excuse me, I believe _my boyfriend_ owes me a dance. It was a pleasure meeting you."

What a cunt.  
Kylo and the others seem quite surprised when you take his hand and pull him away from the them. You put your hands on his shoulder and kind of force him to dance with you. He quickly sets his awkwardness aside and puts his hands on your waist. It must have to do something with the alcohol, because you don't feel shy at all.

"So what did you think of her?" He asks and twirls you around.

"Well, she doesn't beat around the bush. I would say she is a _very_ honest person."

"What do you mean?"

"She wants to marry you of course." You smile and enjoy the music they're currently playing.  
He pulls your body closer to his, you stare into the slit of his mask.

"You're jealous."

You try to push yourself away but he won't let you. His grip is strong.  
"No i'm not,why would I be? I just think she was rude. I don't care if you plan on marrying the girl. It would make sense after all. She's beautiful _and_ the First Order would double in power."

"You're Jealous." He chuckles and starts dancing a bit quicker.

"Do you want me to be jealous?" You laugh and follow his pace without effort. You were not a bad dancer, especially after a few glasses.

"I just think it's funny how women constantly see each other as competition."

"Really? I guess that makes both you and Hux the biggest bitches of the entire base."

He stops dancing and pulls you closer once more. You're starting to feel a bit weird, You felt great and guilty at the same time. Great because _everyone_ including Roho saw him kind of hugging you, and guilty because you really started missing Ben, and you wondered if he would touch other girls when you weren't there. He had every right to, same as you had reasons enough to put your attention towards other men, because you weren't officially together, you weren't officially anything. Friends. You were definitely friends with Ben. But you felt that you two had a deeper connection than that, and that it could have played out to being so much more if you only had the chance. You realise you're overthinking way too much about a harmless evening of fun. With your boss. This was so weird. _I need a drink._ You decide and walk to one of the tables and pick up another glass of champagne. This one was pink! Pink was a good sign. Oh dear it was so sweet and delicious. Kylo Ren takes a seat at an empty table, you're too far away to rush over when you see Roho Len going over there. When she comes near the table however, Kylo gets up immediately just to get away from her. But she stops him and gently touches his arm, you don't know what she is saying to him, but you figure she's probably trying to convince him to stay.

 

 

"You aren't actually jealous, are you?" You hear the mocking voice of none other than General Hux.

"I'm not jealous. I just don't want things to go her way."

"Yea I get that."

You turn to look at him. "You do?"

He smiles, and for the first time you feel as if there is no hidden meaning behind it.

"Yea I get it. You dislike her, so you'd rather be with someone you don't like just so she can't have him. "

You want to drink but notice your glass is empty, so you help yourself to a new one.

"Is that why you asked me out? Because you dislike Kylo Ren so much?"

"I guess so."

You take another glass and offer it to him. "I know it's pink, but it's really good."

He chuckles and accepts the drink.

"You know..You missed out on a great girl, General."

"You and I are not going to happen, darling."

"I was talking about Zazu. She really admired you."

"I know... That's why It was better to break her heart now than later. I would've disappointed her eventually."

You're very impressed by his sudden honesty, and you very much appreciate it.  
He takes a sip and makes a sour face. "This is not as tasty as it looks"

"That's what she said." you mumble but he didn't hear you.

Both of you study the interaction between Roho and Kylo Ren.  
"You know..Your dress matches the curtains." He notes and starts laughing. You give him a dirty look and check out the curtains just to be sure he wasn't messing with you. He was quite one point though. Your dress _did_ match the curtains.

"I heard your first name is Armitage."  
The two of you stare into each others eyes, until you can't hold your laugh anymore.  
"I'm sorry, that was really mean of me." You wipe away some tears, but he doesn't seem to mind. He probably got used to it a long time ago.  
"You're getting too drunk and too shameless. Go get your man back." He gives you a reassuring smile, but you don't want to interrupt Kylo Ren's conversation, if he actually wanted to talk with her, you didn't want to be a third wheel. You turn to look at them, but you notice Kylo Ren was gone. Roho Len was sitting there all by herself, and Kylo was nowhere to be seen. You put down your empty glass and try to walk as gracefully as possible when you cross the ballroom on your way out. If he left, you should probably go back to your room as well. It was getting really late anyway. You're in the hallway when you notice how drunk you really are, and your feet hurt. You take off your heals and stumble through the halls on your way back.

 

\---------------------------------------

 

**Kylo Ren**

 

You went to the bathroom but when you return, you can't find Nima anywhere. You start walking , she was probably on her way back to her room. You follow the trail until you see a pair of feet, sticking out a doorway of a broom closet. There weren't any actual brooms in it, just some empty boxes.

"What...are you doing?"

Nima looks up and smiles.

"Hey you!"

"...hey." You kneel down to get on her level.

"I found this place and I'm going to hide here."

"You're..going to hide here? "

"Yes sir. If you need a place to hide as well, you need to get in here, otherwise you should just go. I'm going to close the door."

You have no idea what the hell she's going on about, but it's oddly adorable.

"Okay, I'll hide."

She moves herself so her feet are in the room. There's just enough space to sit next to her, and you close the door before you do so. The both of you sit in the tiny closet, It's completely dark in there.

"Can I see your face?"  
"No."  
"Can I _touch_ your face?" She starts poking your arm with her tiny fingers, she's really drunk.

"You can touch my face, but as long as my mask is off, I can't talk to you."

She stops poking you and you feel her getting really excited about this.  
"Okay!"

You take off your helmet and carefully place it on the floor. You take her hands and slowly put them on your face. She starts giggling uncontrollably and carefully touches your cheeks, then your nose, and finally your lips. The whole thing is so ridiculous that you have to contain your own laugh, your whole secret would be out in less than a second if she heard you laugh without your mask. This was super risky.

"You're so soft..."

Her hands leave your face, and it seems they're looking for _your_ hands now. But she accidentally touches you at a completely different spot, she doesn't realise that of course. After removing your gloves,you place your hands next to hers and she takes them, then puts them on her own cheeks. Your hands make their way to her cute little nose, you pinch it a bit which makes her giggle even more. Her hands find your face again, You quietly brush each others cheeks for a while. When you realise what the hell you're even doing, you pull back. You take a deep breath and try to distance yourself, but that wasn't an option in this tiny closet. You put your helmet back on.

The two of you sit in silence, but she doesn't seem to want to leave yet.  
"Do you ever feel like you want something..or _someone_ really bad, but you can't figure out why? Like, why you like them so much?"

You get into her head and see your own face. Or better, Ben's face. The whole picture looks kind of funny; Your hair is blowing in the wind, you smile at her and look deep into her eyes. "I do." You answer. She doesn't think you mean a person, she would never expect you to think of her. Instead she thinks of power, a crown on your head and for some reason, a basket full of kittens.

"You're not scared of anything, are you sir?"

"What do you think? I'm a knight."

The truth is you were scared of many things;The thought of supreme leader Snoke choosing General Hux's side over yours made you sick to your stomach. Or the fact that you were sure Snoke would _never_ approve of you starting something real with Nima. You're scared that you might not be as powerful as you claim to be, and that the enemy will pick up on that sooner or later. Girls. you feared girls almost as much as the face of the supreme leader. Girls were unpredictable and stubborn. They didn't like you and you usually didn't like them either. But what if you did fall for one? Just one? What if that _one_ person in the entire galaxy didn't like you for who you really were? Rejection. You were scared of rejection.

"It's getting late. We should leave."  
You get up and open the door. Although you had a great time with Nima, you weren't so sure about rejecting the princess anymore. It would surely make everything a lot easier.

\---------------------------------------

The next morning, Zazu decides to pin you to the bed until you agree on telling her _everything_. You do after a lot of struggling, she was becoming one strong bitch. She let's out tears of laughter most of the time, because you were obsessed with food. You decide whether or not to tell her about the closet. It was all pretty vague anyway, you didn't remember most of it. You do give her a very detailed report about the princess and her desire to marry the Commander.

"God I swear she was such a bitch. I've _never_ met anyone like her and we're from the lower levels for god's sake!"

"Yea you'd think she could at least afford some manners. But maybe her culture is just like that. Straight to the point, even if it's rude as fuck."

You nod and start taking the pins from last night out of your hair.

"You really should have done that yesterday. Anyway, your mom called me last night."

"She did? Why did she call _you_? What did you say to her? Is everything alright?"

"Chill out, everything's fine. She just wanted to know if _you_ were okay, because apparently you haven't called them once since we've been here. Nima, I've been calling my parents 2 times a week, what's the deal?"

"Look I know it's not right but you _know_ what she's like..She would have noticed if I wasn't feeling well, and I felt like shit most of the time. So I didn't call. I didn't want to worry them that's all."

"Well she asked me why you didn't pick up and--"

"What did you tell her?!"

Zazu smiles and plays with one of her lekku.  
"I told her you're at a ball with a gorgeous young gentleman of course. She _completely_ understood why you were so busy the past weeks, and your dad can't wait to meet him."

You throw a pillow at her and take another one to hit her repeatedly.  
"You. Are. The. Worst!"

The both of you start a pillow fight until it's time for breakfast.


	13. Holo

three weeks went by after the event that was the starkiller ball. You had occupied yourself with work and training. You decided to continue your book when Zazu got to the same chapter as you were; chapter 6, so you could read the rest of the story together. After the ball, you noticed a few big changes in your life on the base. People showed immense respect for you, stormtroopers stopped and bowed when you passed them. Other employees insisted you cut in front of them when waiting in line for lunch and dinner. By now, everyone was convinced you and Kylo Ren had something serious going on, especially after he rejected Roho Len's proposal to marry her. It didn't bother you that people believed this lie, it made life for Zazu, Jodee and yourself a lot easier and more pleasant. You felt powerful and respected, and you liked that feeling even if it was because of the Commander. You still sat at the corner table in the mess hall. It was a good spot and people left you alone when eating there.

"So. Your birthday is coming up." Zazu smiled excitedly.

"So i've heard."

"you'll turn 24. You have to throw a party. _We_ have to throw a party."

"Yea that's a great idea! We could invite the General _and_ the Commander, maybe even send an invitation to Phasma as well. They truly are the only people we know. I bet they'd _love_ to dance and eat cake with us and sing me a lovely birthday song."

"Oh don't mock me, child. Not celebrating your birthday would be really selfish."

"Selfish how?!"

"Well, you take away an opportunity for _us_ to have a party and celebrate. I don't care what you want, I want birthday cake and I'm going to get birthday cake or so help me god."

"Fine. If it makes you happy, we'll throw a party."

"Good."

"Who would you invite though?" Jodee asks and looks around.

"I'll take care of that, don't worry. No one would _dare_ to decline an invitation from Kylo Ren's girlfriend." Zazu teases you, her eyes start searching for the cutest stormtroopers and technicians in their range. This was going to be interesting.

\---------------------------------------

You're sitting on Kylo Ren's couch again, and quietly work on your computer while he meditates in his room. You receive a call on your data pad, and you hesitate to pick up, but you can't avoid your mom forever.

After accepting her call, her image appeared through the holographic technology the data pad provided. She smiles when she sees you, and waves.

"Hi darling."

"Hi mom!"

"How are you?"

"I'm good, how are you? How are dad and grandpa?"

"They're fine, I'm fine." She pauses and takes a good look at you. "I'm happy to see your face again..wish i'd seen it sooner."

You sigh. "I know..I'm sorry I didn't call you before. Things were...Hectic. But I'm settled in now.Things are going well for me."

"I hope you and Zazu are being good girls. But I'm sure the two of you have misbehaved already." She smiles. She wasn't wrong though..

"We're doing everything we can to stay in line, believe me." you chuckle and take a quick look at the door behind you, but Kylo Ren was still locking himself up inside his room.

"So I've heard you have a beau."

"No..I don't. Trust me." Although you kind of did have a special someone, it wasn't the guy Zazu joked about, and you wouldn't tell your mom anyway until you were sure it was going to get in a more serious direction.

"He took you to a ball and everything _and_ he filled your quarters with flowers. I'm sure he's quite a catch." Your mother winks at you as you roll your eyes.

You hear the door behind you opening, your heart skips a beat. Your mom starts waving like the insane woman she is to get his attention. Before you can apologise, Kylo Ren joins you on the couch and takes a good look at your mom.

"Kadar! come quickly, Nima's boyfriend is here!"

You feel your face getting hotter and hotter. "Mom he's not my boyfriend!" You try to convince her but the humiliation isn't over yet. You see your mom dragging your dad into the projector screen and starts waving again at the Commander. "Mom please don't--"

"How nice to finally meet you!" She's so excited she can't hear a thing you're saying. Your dad on the other hand doesn't seem too pleased to meet your special guy.

"Please remove the mask, young man. I'd like to see your face first."

Your father was a tall strong man. Pale, but dark hair and facial hair with streaks of grey in them. He always had that stern look on his face, which he believed would help keeping boys away from you. Your mother was the complete opposite. She had a warm heart and was kind to _anyone_ who hadn't wronged her or her family. She had big eyes and dark skin just like you. Many said you were the spitting image of your mother, and that you didn't resemble anything close to your dad, but he was in fact your true father by blood.

 

 

Kylo Ren didn't respond to your parents, he just got up and gave you _that look_. Not that he could give you an actual look but you felt it anyway. He wanted you to hang up immediately and return to your duties.

"Hey where did he go?!" Your mother yelled disappointed while you were still trying to talk to her.

"Mom I have to go now."

"Already? Where did your man go? He didn't even properly introduce himself!"

"MOM He isn't _my man_ ,he's my BOSS!"

Your parents look at each other and raise their eyebrows.

"Well why didn't you say so!" Your dad crosses his arms.

"You didn't give me a chance! I have to go now..I'll call back later, I promise."

"Okay take care sweetie!"

They wave at you one more time before you end the call. You let out a long sigh before you turn to Kylo Ren. "I am SO sorry about what just happened.."

"This certainly explains your annoying nature."

\---------------------------------------

You stand at the side of the forest watching Kylo Ren. You've gone much farther this time, but it was still broad daylight. While he's practicing his lightsaber skills, you try to pick your nails with a small stick. You're bored. Why did you even have to come? You weren't of any use here. You wander in your thoughts when your shoulder gets hit by something, you look up and quickly brush the snow off of your jacket. "Did you just throw a snowball at me?!" You duck when he send another one your way. Oh, it was on. While hiding behind a tree, you make a few snowballs as fast as you can and get ready to attack. You throw your first one - miss. You try a second one, it hits a tree right next to him. _Come on Nima_  
Three is the charm. Kylo Ren throws a ball at you, just when you hit him on the leg. Although you doubt it was because of your great throwing skills. He was strong with the force after all. "Are you letting me hit you on purpose?" You yell and duck when he throws the last of his prepared snow balls.

"What can I say, I am a gentleman after all."

You laugh and hold op your hands while approaching him. "I yield."

Kylo Ren turns his back to you and keeps quiet for a while. You sensed something was wrong or that he was worried.

"Sir?"

You come closer.

"You are hosting a birthday party."

"Well..Yes. I am. I mean technically I'm forced to but it _is_ my birthday next week so.."

Was it not allowed to hold parties at the base? It wasn't as if it was going to be something big or important or anything, just a small gathering in your quarters and a few drinks. You didn't think he'd mind. Or maybe it was something else..Maybe Kylo Ren wanted to know why he wasn't invited. Although there were numerous reasons why you wouldn't even think of inviting him, the two of you did have a rather friendly relationship with each other lately. Should you ask him? He wouldn't come anyway, but he'd feel better if he _was_ in fact, invited. But if he came, what would the others say? You didn't even know who was coming to your party. Zazu wouldn't like it one bit. You and many others would feel uncomfortable with your boss around in a private setting.

"Will you come?"

The words left your mouth before your brain made a final decision.

"Don't be ridiculous. I have a galaxy to take over." He turns around and starts walking back to the base. What a prick. This is what he wanted to achieve, he wanted to make you invite him so that he could turn you down in a way that made you feel stupid for even considering.

\---------------------------------------

"I love you. _I know_."

Zazu closes the book and lets out a long deep breath. "This is so romantic..."

It was her turn to read out loud, you lay on your belly and nod. "We should read more often."

"Too bad we already know the ending." Zazu opens the book again and starts reading chapter 8. You close your eyes and listen. You try to imagine everything Princess Leia describes, but your mind can't concentrate on the story for long. You hadn't been in contact with Ben and you were wondering if you imagined all the feelings you were feeling when hanging out with him. Maybe he just wanted to be friends.

"Hey do you think Ben likes me?"

Zazu stops reading when you interrupt her. "Yea I think so."

"I haven't heard from him ever since he left. He could've called or messaged me or something.."

"Why don't you message him first? Ask him how he's doing?"

"I don't want to message him first. What if he doesn't want to talk to me? I don't want to push him."

"Maybe he thinks you don't want to talk to _him_ and he doesn't want to push you. What then? Don't be so stubborn just send him a holo."

"Okay I'll do it tomorrow."

"Like hell you will. You're going to do this right now!"

Zazu gets off the bed and starts looking for your data pad. You roll your eyes when she forces it into your hands. Zazu climbs on the mattress again and fixes your hair. "All done. Now do it!"

You push a button to record a message and make sure to film it from a good angle.

"Hi Ben, Nima here..I mean obviously. You can see my face. Anyway...How are you doing? Didn't hear from you in a while, i hope you're fine..My dress matched the curtains of the ballroom and I ate a lot of great food. There was a chocolate fountain and everything and Umm..I..--"

Zazu rips the data pad out of your hands and looks at you as if you just insulted her ancestors.

"THAT was _pathetic_!" She immediately wants to remove the message.

"Oh..Oh no."

"What did you do?!"

"I...I might have send it.."

"What?!"

She gives it back to you, she _had_ send it. Great. Now Ben could see how pathetic you were.

 

\---------------------------------------

 

**Kylo Ren**

 

It's late. You're in bed, staring at the ceiling and playing with your own black hair when you hear the beeping noise of your computer. You jump up when you see who it's from.

_"Hi Ben, Nima here..I mean obviously. You can see my face. Anyway...How are you doing? Didn't hear from you in a while, i hope you're fine..My dress matched the curtains of the ballroom and I ate a lot of great food. There was a chocolate fountain and everything and Umm..I..-- THAT was PATHETIC"_

The message is quite confusing at first, so you repeat it a few times. She looked so cute in her white lacy top, she was so nervous and shy..And then Zazu takes it from her and says her message is pathetic. You start to laugh, this was sent by accident. The girls were probably bickering about it right now. You push the button and make sure your naked upper body is visible. She'll like that.

"Hey silly. I was just about to go to sleep." You pause and look around the room. "I've send you something special..for your birthday. I hope it gets there on time. Sadly I can't celebrate with you, got too much work and too far away..But I'll make it up to you next time I promise." You smile one last time and press send.

You wish she could be here with you right now. Just laying in bed, cuddling... Even if you weren't as far as you claimed to be, it sure did feel that way. You're starting to think about how it could have been if you hadn't lied to her from the start on Hosnian Prime. Maybe she would have liked you either way even if you were Kylo Ren and not 'Ben'. You wouldn't have to be careful all the time and wear your mask whenever she was near. But there was no use in overthinking the possibilities right now, it was too late and there was no way you could ever tell her without her resenting you for the rest of your days. It wouldn't be fair either, she still had to work here. With you. Nima needed this money and this job, and you couldn't just take that away from her to ease your own mind.

 

\---------------------------------------

 

** Zazu **

 

After a long night of bickering, laughing and then watching Ben's message over a hundred times, admiring his chest and hair, Captain Phasma lets you do the daily workout routine with her. It had been extremely tiring in the beginning, but you were growing into it more and more. Your biceps were starting to show and your butt had never looked this amazing. When it's time for breakfast, you join Phasma and a group of young stormtroopers in one of the smaller mess halls. This was the reason you never saw the children on the upper levels, they had their own space. While you're used to their company by now, you still find one of them particularly annoying. LL-0250. She was the most talented kid in the group; She knew everything about blasters and how to use them like a proper grown fully trained stormtrooper. She was very much ahead for her age, but that meant she got bored easily by her life on the starkiller base. LL-0250 made sure she had a spot across from you on the table, usually you found some way not to sit with her, but you were just too tired this morning. Maybe if you could give her what she wanted she'd leave you alone.

"Good morning miss Edas'Olugii!" Her pronunciation of your name was flawless. Even your best friend Nima still couldn't say it right after all those years.

"Good morning. Zazu is fine."

"How's Nima?"

Aaaand there it was again. The first of many questions to come. It seemed she was obsessed with Nima and her 'relationship' with Commander Ren. You almost felt sorry for her, not having anything better to think about.

"She's good. You _can_ ask her yourself you know. Don't you have training with her like 4 times a week?"

"I don't think she likes me very much..I tried to ask her about Coruscant the other day but she ignored me."

"Nonsense! She adores you. Nima told me so herself." You chuckle. Nima was going to hate you for this.

"She did?! Okay if you say so.."

You get a chance to quietly eat your oatmeal while LL sits back smiling. She's probably thinking about asking her a whole lot more now.

"I would really like to meet her outside of training. Maybe you could take me to your quarters some time?"

You put down your spoon. "Sweetie, I'm not sure that's a good idea. And Captain Phasma surely would _never_ allow that."

"But what if you ask her? She thinks highly of you!"

Great. Now you had to ask your boss whether it was okay to invite a minor into your room. You were not going to babysit her on your free time.

"Pleaseeee It's the only thing I _really_ want."

You sigh and roll your eyes. "Fine. I'll ask her. But only if you let me eat my breakfast in peace from now on."


	14. Touching

 

**Zazu**

 

You're finally finished decorating the living area with turquoise and gold balloons, gold shiny pennants and lots of decoration lights to set the mood. When you're done, you head out to the kitchen. One of the cooks had promised you some boxes of champagne glasses you could borrow, in return she got an invitation to Nima's party. While picking up the boxes, you convince her of making some snacks for the party, after a lot of whining she agrees.

You look down on your list;  
\- Decorations _check_  
\- Glasses _check_  
\- Booze  
\- Music  
\- Snacks _check_

Jodee was in charge of the music, you gave her a list of songs Nima liked and others would like too, now you just had to get the drinks. You tried almost every kitchen on the base, but none of them had anything worth to give you, so you had to try somewhere else. A party without alcohol would be considered a dull affair, and you wanted people to talk about this for longer than a few days. You had to bring out the big guns. and with big guns you meant tits. After dressing into something other than your work tunic, you head out to the main control room. The top you're wearing makes several officers turn their heads when you pass them, but they weren't the ones you needed something from. General Hux turns around when you enter the room, his eyes directly going to your cleavage.

 

 

"Good afternoon General." You make a polite bow, so he can get a better look. His cheeks turn red when you face him again, this was a good sign.

"Hello Zazu, how can I help you?"

"Oh I was wondering if I could speak to you in private."

Hux looks at the officers around him and nods. "Certainly."

You follow him to one of the empty meeting rooms nearby and close the door behind you.

"Well?"

"As you probably know, I'm throwing a small party for Nima tomorrow night. I was wondering if maybe you could tell me where I could find certain beverages for this particular event."

He pulls up his eyebrows and gives you a faint smile.

"You want me to give you alcohol?"

"That would be _amazing_. Is that possible?"

"I can get whatever I want as you already know. Getting you some bottles wouldn't be that difficult. But what do I get in return?" He smiles and probably expects you to offer him something sexual, but you don't.

"How about I let you take me out to dinner sometime, I bet the booze would make me forget how you asked out my best friend when you really wanted to go with me." You wink and watch his face getting pale again. Good.

"I'll consider it."

"Good, I'll pick it up tomorrow morning then." You head out the door and walk away, not too fast and not too slow. Let him admire your backside while he thinks about how much he screwed up by not taking you to the ball as promised. Jerk.

When you arrive back at your chambers, there's a visitor waiting for you.

"LL-0250. _What_ are you doing here?"

"Oh hi miss Edas'Olugii! I was waiting here for you."

"You're not allowed to be here. Why are you here anyway? I thought we agreed that I would ask Phasma first."

"I know..But I just..." She looks at her feet and stays quiet all of a sudden.

"Hey..Sweetie what's wrong?"

"I just feel kinda lonely..I don't exactly have many friends as you probably noticed..The others don't like me very much."

You sigh and open your door. "Come in, kid."

LL looks surprised when she sees all the party decorations hanging from the ceiling. "Wow your room looks really cool."

"Oh it doesn't usually look that way, I'm planning a party for Nima's birthday."

You take a seat on the couch and put your feet on the table. LL decides to take a look around first before she sits down beside you.

"So how come you don't have friends? Are the other girls jealous of you?"

"No I don't think so..They just think I'm weird."

"Weird how?"

"Well..I tend to have strange dreams from time to time and I was stupid enough to tell the girls in my dorm about them.."

"That's crazy. I bet they are just jealous of your skills and looked for a reason to talk trash about you."

"Maybe.."

You get up and stretch your back. "Hey do you want a soda or something?"

She nods so you go to the fridge and grab 2 soda's and some of Jodee's ice cream. You sit on the couch for about an hour eating ice cream and answering almost all of LL's questions about Coruscant. She finishes her bowl and puts it down. "Coruscant sounds so wonderful..I wish I could go there.."

"If you ever get off duty, I'll take you." You give her a reassuring smile. You pitied her and thought of the time you didn't have any friends in school, until you found Nima.

"I'd love that..Thank you for being my friend."

You aren't cold enough to tell her you're not exactly friends. Maybe you _should_ be her friend..

 

\---------------------------------------

 

** Nima **

 

You enter the room and immediately notice the balloons. "Wow this place looks amazi--" you stop mid sentence when you see Zazu sitting on the couch with the annoying stormtrooper girl.

"Hi Nima!" She perks up and waves at you like a crazy fan girl.

"Hey......You." What was her name again? LG-something? What the hell was she doing here.

Zazu takes you aside before you can complain.

"Look, just be nice to her okay?" she whispers.

"Why is she here?! And what are you wearing.." You take a look at her revealing top.

Before she gets the chance to explain this whole situation, the both of you turn around when you hear LL sobbing. Zazu rushes to her side and puts her arm around her tiny frame. "Hey what's wrong?"

"I should leave. I told you Nima doesn't like me and I don't want to bother her _or_ you."

You feel a wave of guilt coming over you so you take a seat. "Hey I don't dislike you. I don't know you well enough to dislike you. I was just in a cranky mood okay? I'm sorry I made you feel so sad."

She wipes away her tears. "So you don't mind me being here?"

"Of course not. As long as you don't eat all of my oatmeal cookies you're fine."

She tries her best to smile, Zazu looks at you "Hey, how about we introduce her to her biggest idol? That would make you happy, right?"

"What idol?" But you don't need that question answered when the girl jumps up and runs to the door

"We're going to meet Kylo Ren?! Now??"

_What._

"..Kylo Ren is your idol? Really?"

Zazu looks deep into your eyes until you nod slowly. "..Fine. Let's go meet Kylo Ren."

 

\---------------------------------------

 

Kylo Ren opens the door while LL-0250 can't contain herself from jumping up and down.

"..."

"Hi sweetie." You say to your boss, because he obviously isn't going to ask why there are three girls on his doorstep. LL and the rest of the base still believed Kylo to be your beau so that's how you would play it.

"Hello. I didn't expect you here tonight."

"I know. I just wanted you to meet this _very_ special fan of yours that I've met during training."

He looks LL up and down and nods. "Hello."

"Sir it's SUCH an honor to finally meet you!" She pushes Zazu aside and stretches her arm to Ren. He just looks at it until she lowers it again. You had expected him not to like the situation but he could at least let you inside..

You hear another person walking towards the door, You immediately recognize the blonde shiny hair of Princess Roho Len.

"What is _she_ doing here?!" For some reason your blood started to boil when you learned she was alone with the Commander in one room.

Roho shoved herself to the doorway and took a good look at the three of you. "Good evening, ladies."

You don't give her any response, neither does LL. She's smart enough to know you're not pleased with this woman being here. Zazu on the other hand smiles nicely.

"You're _very_ pretty." Roho seems to take an immediate interest in Zazu's appearance.

"Thanks hun, that makes two." She winks at Roho and puts on her sexiest smile.

Kylo Ren pays no attention to the whole scene, but keeps on staring at the little stormtrooper. "Please come in."

You and Roho Len both take a seat on the couch while Zazu starts looking around in his living quarters. Kylo Ren goes to the kitchen, LL follows him. You keep your eye on her, it would be your fault if she did something to piss him off. Kylo turns around and stares at her, and she stares right back.

"So how have you been?"

You're surprised by Roho Len's sudden question and wait a few seconds to make sure she was talking to _you_.

"Fine...What about you?"

"Oh I'm great. I'm really enjoying my time here on the base, I might even stay a little longer than originally planned!"

"That's...Great."

She wasn't leaving yet? What was it she found so enjoyable here anyway? You had expected her to leave after the ball, after it was clear the Commander wasn't going to marry her. She was probably thinking of other ways to persuade him right this second. Stupid bitch.

A shattering glass attracts the attention of everyone inside.

"I'm so sorry!" LL ducks down to pick up the pieces.

"Don't do that. My maid will take care of it tomorrow. You did well, congratulations."

Zazu, Roho and yourself make a confused facial expression when Kylo Ren compliments her on _dropping a glass_.

 

\---------------------------------------

 

 

**Kylo Ren**

 

From the first moment you've come eye to eye with LL-0250, you knew she was special,just like you. In normal circumstances, you would have been furious with Nima for bringing a strange minor _and_ her best friend to your room, but this had been a very pleasant coincidence. You talked to her mind immediately, asking her to introduce herself, but not out loud. She succeeded and so you let her inside along with your fake girlfriend and the annoying twi'lek girl.

_Try to pick up the glass. Don't touch it._

She tried her hardest, concentrated only on the glass and then managed to move it off the counter, although it _did_ drop on the ground, you found it very impressive. LL was strong with the force, and with the permission of supreme leader Snoke, you would train her to be even greater than Luke Skywalker. This girl could be the answer to all of your problems. In time she could stand by you and help defeat the Jedi once and for all. You would have Nima pick a new name for her, it wouldn't be appropriate for an apprentice to have an ordinary trooper number like the rest of them. What was even better was that she _idolized_ you already, so she would do anything you required her to do. Nima seemed to like her enough to treat her as sort of a little sister, that could come in handy as well.

You turn to the others. "Zazu, take LL-0250 back to the other troopers. Princess, I would humbly ask for you to return to your quarters as well, Nima and I have a lot to discuss."

Zazu nods and leaves the room after LL feels that she waved enough times in Nima's direction for her to be pleased. Roho Len on the other hand doesn't take orders so well, her annoyance was way too noticeable, but she left eventually before giving Nima the ugliest look she could manage on her pretty face. When the two of you are alone, you take a seat beside her.

"Thank you for bringing her to me."

She looked a little surprised. "You're...Welcome?"

"You are probably wondering why it is I am _so_ pleased you have introduced me to LL-0250."

"Honestly I'm just very curious why Roho Len was in your room at this hour. How many times did she visit you these last three weeks?! And why did you keep it a secret from me?"

You chuckle. She _was_ jealous. She just wouldn't admit it.

"Roho Len is here because of me. I gave her the impression the two of us would have a chance at a future together if she stayed a little longer. Meanwhile, we are invading her home planet, her father thinks she is our prisoner so he will do _anything_ to keep his little girl safe."

Her mouth is wide open with astonishment.

"So...You're not going to marry her?"

"I hope not."

"Does she know I'm still your girlfriend? I mean how desperate can she be?!"

"You are not my actual girlfriend. And if it pleases you, _yes_. She still thinks you are."

"That _does_ please me." You can't help but laugh when you see the wide grin on her cute little face.

"Now back to LL-0250--"

"Can we please name her something other than _LL-0250_?"

"Don't interrupt me when I'm speaking. LL-0250 is strong with the force. She lifted that glass by using only her mind. I want her to become my student."

"Wow what? She's...Like you?!"

"She will be after I've properly trained her."

 

\---------------------------------------

 

**Nima**

 

You're in utter shock when he tells you LL-0250 is force sensitive. Who would've thought? You advise Kylo Ren on meeting every young stormtrooper that lives here, just to make sure there aren't more of them. He of course agrees with that, and the two of you spend hours on talking about LL, the force and how Kylo isn't actually a sith, he uses both the dark and the light side of the force. You decide to call him a sith anyway, because he was evil as fuck. Her life would be different from now on. Kylo Ren keeps you up until midnight, discussing her new living situation. He wanted her to have a room close by and for you to take her to breakfast,lunch and dinner each day. So that meant you were LL's new babysitter.

You're exhausted when Kylo Ren decides it's time for you to leave. You want to tell Zazu everything, but she was probably asleep already. You open the door to your bedroom when you notice a particular smell..a different smell. one you usually didn't smell by opening your room. a sweet rosy perfume perhaps...

"Well..Well..Time for bed I see?"

You turn on the lights and nearly get a heart attack when you see Roho Len standing in the middle of your room.

"God dammit! " You take a few deep breaths to overcome the shock she just gave you.

"What are you doing here?!"

"Thought I'd pay you a visit. It's so strange to me that you need to sleep in a different bed at night. Does he snore?"

"That's none of your business! Get out!"

Roho takes a few slow steps in your direction, she's mocking you, trying to get you angry.

"So you pretend to be his girlfriend...You get respect from the whole base and a lot of other benefits I assume..But what does he get out of it? That's what I would like to find out.."

You were already angry from the fact she is in your room, how did she get in here? What did she do to your stuff while you weren't here?

"Maybe it's because he doesn't want _you_ anywhere near him! He's mine!"

You push her away from you, she was getting too close. But Roho has some anger inside her as well and pulls your black hair towards her and pushes you against the wall. her one hand was holding your hair against the wall, the other was making sure your hands couldn't touch her.

"Stop. Lying. and just admit that you don't like him."

"Get your hands off me you psycho freak!"

"I'm not letting you go until you admit the two of you don't have any special relationship at all!"

"You're crazy!"

The yelling must have woken the others, because a few seconds later both Jodee and Zazu run to your aid to get you out of the clutches of Roho Len.

"What's going on here?!" Zazu holds Roho's arms while Jodee tries to prevent you from clawing out her eyeballs.

"She was here _in my room_ and just attacked me! She's crazy!" You're filled with anger and can't think straight anymore. Jodee let's go of you and signals security with the help of her data pad. It only takes a few minutes before 3 stormtroopers get into your quarters and start asking questions about the incident. Two of them then take Roho Len away, she is smart enough not to struggle.

"I will now escort you to the Commander's chamber." the third one says.

"Escort me? Why? I didn't do anything! She attacked _me_. This is my room you know.."

The trooper looks at the decoration lights. "Clearly."

"Master Ren has specifically ordered us to bring you to him if something ever happened. Now if you will follow me please.."

You look at Zazu and Jodee who shrug. "It's probably just for your own safety."

"Yea...Whatever..."

 

\---------------------------------------

 

Was he going to punish you? Hurt you? You didn't do anything wrong but that didn't stop him before. That stupid princess ruined everything. You were supposed to have a goodnight sleep, wear your favourite clothes and have a big birthday breakfast before you got to work. It was already getting late, if Kylo Ren took a long time to lecture you, you would have to walk around with bags under your eyes. You try to think what it is that makes you so angry when Roho makes clear she wants the Commander. Were you really jealous? No. That couldn't be it. But you still didn't want her anywhere near him. And with that comes another question; why didn't Kylo Ren want the beautiful princess to be his.

Kylo Ren let's you in. There is an open bottle of red wine on the kitchen counter. So he _did_ take off his helmet eventually...  
"Sir...Am I in trouble?"

"Why would you be in trouble? Did you do anything?" He comes closer, you don't move. He stands only a few centimeters away from you, his body seems so enormous and strong. His hands slowly go to your temple, you shut your eyes. He seems to be going through your mind, looking for something. flashbacks appear; first your parents, then Zazu, then Roho Len attacking you, Zazu holding her back, You're trying to hurt her but Jodee is in your way. He removes his hands but you don't dare to open your eyes yet.

"You're not in trouble. But you are staying here tonight."

" _What?!_ " You stare at him in disbelief.

He walks towards his bedroom and you quickly glance at the door.  
"Don't even think about running. You won't succeed."  
There were stormtroopers watching his room, keeping you here as a prisoner.  
"Why do I have to stay here?"

"Because I am telling you to, and you should be wise enough not to disobey my orders."  
He had been so nice to you for the last couple of weeks, you even enjoyed the time spent with him. Was he going back to normal now? You stand in the doorway of his bedroom, not sure what to do or where exactly to stay. He's looking inside his drawers and throws a piece of clothing at you. A t shirt with long sleeves which was way too big for your small body.

"You can wear this to bed. Now get changed and call me when you're ready." He walks out of the room and closes the door behind him. You were in Kylo Ren's room. His bedroom. While undressing yourself, you use this opportunity to take a look around. His bed was huge, with black covers and only a few pillows. The curtains were black as well, you look behind them and see a beautiful snowy landscape. Would he not be waiting, you'd take a peek at his drawers and closets as well, but Ren would notice. After undressing yourself you fold your clothes and lay them on an empty chair, making sure your bra wasn't visible. You put on the shirt and smell it. You can't help but smile, you were wearing Kylo Ren's shirt! no one would ever believe you.

"Are you done yet?"

"Yes..I'm decent."

Kylo Ren enters his room and stares at you for a couple of seconds. It's making you a bit uncomfortable.

"So um..Where should I sleep tonight?"

He points at the king sized bed. "In there."

"W-what about you?"

"I have other things to attend to tonight."

He was being way too mysterious. _Other things_ , what could that mean...

\---------------------------------------

He leaves you in the room, the idea of getting in his bed feels weird, even if you've done it before on your way back from Hosnian Prime. You open the curtains and watch the snow fall out of the black sky. After approximately 2 hours you jump up when the light suddenly goes out. You hear the door close, was Kylo Ren here? Or maybe someone else? You keep quiet and don't move. Your heart beats faster and faster when you hear the dark figure coming closer to you. You can't see a thing. You jerk away when a hand touches your cheek.

"sshhhh..."

You're not sure what a heart attack feels like, but you're actually scared you might be getting one. You just know it had to be Ren, or someone else with leather gloves.

"It's me. Be still now."

You're relieved to hear Ren's distorted voice in the darkness, but he manages to scare you again when his hand brushes your other cheek, this time without gloves. What was he trying to do?  
He reaches for your hands and places them on his face, he had put off his helmet then. That meant no talking. You take a deep breath and gently stroke his cheek. He doesn't seem to have a beard. Your hands go a bit higher, you find his eyebrows, then go directly to the hair on his head. It felt extremely soft and healthy. His hands mirror yours and go through your thick black curls. You don't know what exactly it is you're doing, but it feels nice. This was a whole different story when you were drunk inside of a closet. This was you and him in his room, his _bedroom_ , sober.  
You chuckle. This had to be some weird force thing, right? No other guy would ever try to touch your face in the dark like this. There had to be another reason, something he got out of this. Although you did ask him first, back in the closet. Maybe this was his way to get closer to you? Build a work relationship based on trust? No, this wasn't professional, the both of you were far beyond that boundary.

"Didn't you have 'other things' to attend to?"

He nods but doesn't let go of your head yet.

"You..already completed them?"

He nods again. You smile and take a small step closer. There was something very exciting about this, you didn't know what he looked like, he was one of the most powerful men in the galaxy and he was awkwardly touching your face. You think of Ben for a few seconds. This kind of ruins the moment for you a bit because you tell yourself you shouldn't be so close with your boss. But it wasn't as if the two of you were doing anything, right? Why did you always tried to talk yourself out of this. Why did you like the attention of a faceless evil man...


	15. Birthday

_He takes your hand and leads you towards the bed. He sits down and pulls you on his lap. You're feeling all sorts of things right now; You're confused, horny and very curious._ _He starts playing with your hair again, but you can't concentrate._

_"I should really go to sleep..."_

_He immediately pushes you on the bed and get's on top of you, he's not wearing a shirt any longer, you put your hands on his chest._

_"Kylo..."_

_"Ssshhhhh."_

_He puts his lips on yours, the two of you share a long passionate kiss. When he stops, you open your eyes, the light is back on, Ben is looking at you._

You wake up scared and slightly in shock. The curtains are closed but you can see there's already daylight. What time was it?

The huge bed of Kylo Ren feels very empty with just you in it, He had left yesterday night when he noticed you getting tired. Someone opens the door, you pull the covers up to your chin. A woman enters with a silver platter full of food. You had never seen her before, and she seems as confused as you are.

"I'm sorry..The Commander told me you were still asleep.."

"Oh..That's okay.." She awkwardly places the platter on the small table next to you, and starts pouring the tea.

"Happy birthday, miss." She places a card next to the plate and leaves you alone with your breakfast. _Right...My birthday. It's my birthday._

The plate is filled with scrambled eggs, little croissants and bacon. There was fresh orange juice, tea and a piece of chocolate cake for desert. Your mouth starts watering when the smell of the eggs and bacon fills your nostrils. Before you plunge in however, you open the card and read a message from Kylo Ren ;

" _Good morning and happy birthday.  
Please enjoy this breakfast in peace, take a nice long bubble bath after and when you feel ready, meet me in the hangar._ "

It was a short but very nice message. He had made sure you didn't have an alarm waking you, he ordered his maid to give you a birthday breakfast _and_ you were allowed to use his luxurious bathroom. He had really come around. _Bon apetit_. You think before you start stuffing yourself with breakfast food.

After relaxing in Ren's bubble bath for _hours_ , you feel satisfied with the time you've wasted today on doing everything not to go to work. It was already 2 pm when you head out to the hangar where Kylo was meeting you. Had he been waiting all morning and afternoon until your arrival? probably not. He knew you well enough by now to expect you to take your time. You had been in the main hangar many times before, the starfighters were all fascinating, every single one of them. The pilots and technicians don't pay you any attention, they're far too busy polishing their ships, making sure not one little scratch is visible. You spot the Commander talking to one of the pilots. They stop talking when you arrive.

"Good afternoon, sir."

"Good afternoon. I take it you had a pleasant morning?"

"I did sir, thanks to you. You are very kind to me."  
The pilot doesn't say anything, he just studies the interaction between you and your boss.

"Well...Seems like I've found you."  
He says when the pilot doesn't leave even after the obvious hints the two of you had dropped.

"....Yup. You sure did."  
You look over at the curious pilot. "Please leave."  
The pilot reacts surprised as if he finally noticed he is unwelcome. He bows before quickly departing. You chuckle at the awkwardness and stand a bit closer to Ren.

"What a moron." He says and looks at the tie fighter you're standing in front of.

"As a gift we will do something very different today." He says while looking at the Tie fighter. You take in every inch as your eyes get bigger and bigger.

"So as a birthday gift...--" He continued but apparently gets distracted by your thoughts.

_I'm NOT giving you a TIE fighter you IDIOT._

"I didn't think you were! I was just fantasising about it GOD."

The two of you look at each other for a moment, both irritated and stubborn. That feeling fades away quickly when Kylo Ren takes you for a trip in the star ship. You had never liked flying that much, this however was different. You didn't have to do anything, Ren proved to be a great pilot and entertainer. You even hear him laugh from the other side of the ship as he flies around in space. He was really enjoying himself, letting everything go...

It almost seemed to soon when he landed the fighter back into the hangar. But just like you he had stuff to do. He would meet up with LL-0250 tonight while you planned to get shitfaced with your friends.

\-------------------------

You're getting ready for the party that evening. You had absolutely no idea who was coming, but you're positive that whenever Zazu and yourself were present somewhere, things _could not_ get boring. When guests were starting to arrive, you felt as if you weren't even _ON_ starkiller base any longer. There was not one person in gear or uniform, so you had no way of knowing which man or woman worked where, it was one big group of different kinds of people mashed together in your living room. Everyone did seem to get along, and enjoyed their booze and snacks Zazu managed to provide. It couldn't have been easy you thought, convincing complete strangers they were invited to the Commander's girlfriend's birthday party. It didn't even sound weird in your head anymore. You were starting to get used to the lie everyone believed to be true even though you nor Ren started this rumor. The both of you just went with it. But only because it was convenient for the both of you, not because you actually liked each other or anything.

There weren't many familiar faces around for you to recognise, everyone did seem to know who _you_ were and what you were up to every second of every day; "How was the tie fighter ride?? I heard from Lee that Ren told Max Dilma everything went fine and that you had screamed so loud that the entire hangar heard you guys take off into space. I remember my first time..."

 

 

Who was Lee? Who was Max Dilma? Who in the outer rim was the guy telling you all of this? You had no clue whatsoever, but it was both pleasant and funny to hear him talk like that to you, he clearly knew more about your day than yourself.

After almost everyone arrived, the party was everything Zazu had hoped for. You were having a great time with a group of girls who worked the kitchens and danced until you couldn't feel your legs any longer. It seemed word had gone out fast because more and more people started to arrive while uninvited. Many wanted to be here tonight but Zazu only allowed in a few. There simply wasn't enough room for all of these people. Jodee seemed to be in a deep conversation with a trooper cadet, which made you wonder how things were going between LL-0250 and Kylo Ren. Those thoughts faded quickly however when you saw a glimpse of white blond flawless hair. Could it be... No. Zazu would never let her in. Or would she?

You excuse yourself from the dance floor and pick up another beer before you go out and look for someone you most definitely didn't want to find. The room was crowded and it was hard to get from one side to the other. You feel a hand on your shoulder and turn around quickly which makes you spill your drink a little, but that doesn't matter, because the face which is in front of you makes you forget about cleaning the floor tomorrow, about LL-0250 and Kylo Ren training together and about Roho Len possibly being present at your birthday party.

"Jekyll!" You throw your arms around him and don't let go until you're sure this isn't a dream.

 

\-------------------------

 

**Kylo Ren**

 

 

You wish you hadn't read her mind. It was full of useless teenager hogwash. Just as you had expected. The 'genius' child you had discovered bared thoughts like 'oh god his hair is so shiny' and 'Why didn't she invite me to her party?!?'

"When i said you needed to empty your mind, was i not clear enough? Perhaps BASIC is even too hard for you to understand?"

She moves out of the crossed legged position you told her to sit in and awkwardly finds another way to be more comfortable in...  
"Of course you were sir...I just thought we were going to do something more...fun?"

You let out a deep sigh. She had to learn how to work BEFORE playing. The force wasn't all about letting things fly and choking everyone.  
"I'll strike you a deal, young one. IF you fulfill this task flawlessly, YOU get to choose our next activity for the evening."

She perks up at the idea of her choosing what to do, or what to _make_ you do. You don't even want to know...  
Things quickly change after the proposal, LL-0250 manages to fully concentrate on her meditation. This gives you time to think about her thoughts from earlier this evening, when you had revealed your face to her. You had made it clear it had to be kept a secret, even to Nima. If she would betray you, you'd sent her straight back to the barracks, and she'd have to continue her unhappy trooper life. The girl seemed very determent however not to let you down.

after what seemed an hour you let her take a break. She tried to tell you what she wanted to do next, you were pleased she was trying to tell you through her mind rather than opening her mouth. When you receive the message you're not sure you heard it wrong or if she just failed to sent it right through. She wasn't actually suggesting this...Right?

"You want me to WHAT?!"

"Sir...you promised me i could choose whatever activity i wanted to do this evening..."

"I did not think you'd ask me to let you do my...hair. What kind of apprentice asks his master to do such things? Don't you have any shame?! "  
You were angry but at the same time impressed she dared to suggest this 'activity'.

"Why are women always obsessed with my hair?!"

" It's quite pretty, sir."

You let out a long sigh. The only reason you'd let her do this was because you needed her. This girl could be more than just valuable to the First Order. She could be the key to Nima. Day in day out you were tormented by inappropriate thoughts and feelings about this girl, you couldn't figure out what it was that made you so crazy about her and determent to make her yours. Most importantly; you were Kylo Ren. You could get whatever you want from anyone. Nima would obey you eventually, but it wasn't the same. You wanted her to want you back, and not to be with you because you gave her the order. You already managed to let everyone around you think she was _yours_ , and that was mainly due to other employees having the time to gossip to one another.

It takes great effort and patience not to slam her against the nearest wall when she starts combing your black wavy hair. You're sitting crossed legged on the carpet and try to focus on something else for a while. You wonder what Nima was doing right now, at her party.

 

 

"I wonder what your children will look like."  
You snap out of it when LL-0250 tries to start a conversation with you.

"My what?!"

"Your children. I bet you and Nima will have the cutest babies in the galaxy!"  
Your children...Nima's children...Somehow you couldn't picture that at all. You weren't even sure you ever wanted kids.

"You're getting too much ahead. We--"

"WELL You'd have to marry her first right?! What kind of dress would Nima wear?"  
You turn around and give her an ice cold look. "Do not ever interrupt me again, child."

Her face grows a bit pale when she sees how you've suddenly turned into the serious angry version of yourself. You hadn't been hard on her yet, but those days would come sooner than later. She had to realise that her life was in your hands. Everyone needed to realise that when someone annoyed you, death was closer than ever.  
She doesn't continue taking care of your hair any longer, she's not sure what to do or how to act around you now.

To lighten the mood, you try to continue the conversation.

"We aren't in love. Nima and I aren't anything. She is my assistant and I pay her to do everything I tell her to do for me. There's no more to it."

She seems almost sad when you tell her the truth. LL-0250 looks at her hands. "I truly believed you loved her...It seemed so real..It feels so real..How can it not be real?!"

"You still have a very long way to go, and a lot more to learn about life and it's complications. In time you will understand why adults do what they do."  
You get up and think about that for a while. You straight up murdered everyone who wronged you or didn't agree with you in the past. Maybe _you_ were the one who didn't understand the adults who used to be in your life. Your parent, your former mentor...  
You shake your head and look at LL-0250. "From now on you will spend more time with Nima, and you will tell me _everything_ she does or says. Do I make myself clear?"

LL-0250 smiles and nods, because she knows _you_ liked her, and there was a chance her favourite couple could become real after all.

 

\-------------------------

 

  **Nima**

 

"What happened to you?! Where were you all this time?"

You invited Jekyll to your room so the two of you could talk in private. There was too much noise in the living room anyway. He leans against your closet and takes a good look around.

"I had to do a lot to get here you know...Had to lie to multiple officers and my own squad."

Jekyll seemed darker than how you remembered him. He sighs and continues.  
"When we landed on Hosnian Prime, Phasma immediately sent my squad away for a mission...I only got back a week ago."

"Where did you go?"

"Where _didn't_ I go?" He shrugs. "Look, it doesn't matter, Ren didn't want me near you. I'm back and I'm alive. But can you please explain to me how the _fuck_ you managed to become the Commander's girl? _Why_?"

You look at your feet. "It's more complicated than that..."

And you weren't lying this time, because even if you told him the truth, that Kylo Ren and you were nothing, you still liked Ben. And telling him you are pretending to be with someone but you're also involved with another guy sounds kind of weird to you. You didn't want to get in this tonight. besides not wanting him to know the truth, it wasn't any of his business anyway.

"Look I'm not judging you. I was just worried. I still am." He takes a deep breath before he says the words you had never thought to come out of a storm trooper's mouth;  
"He's one of the most evil men I have ever met, and you're a fool to think he'd treat you right. He will not let anything get in his way, and sooner or later he and the supreme leader will see you as a nuisance. Don't let it get to that point. If I were you, I'd get as far away as possible from this place."

You stand there mouth wide open looking at a traitor. Not in your eyes, but if the First Order ever heard him talk like that, he'd be screwed. What happened on his mission to make him think like that?

"You should have never told me this..Why did you tell me this?! If he looks in my head--"

"Enjoy the party, but please leave when you get the chance." He turns around and leaves your room.

You join the party again but make sure you have some drinks before talking to anyone else. Jekyll wasn't anywhere to be seen and you wonder if you had just hallucinated the whole thing. You find Zazu on the dance floor and pull her aside.

"I need to talk to you."

"Not now, I love this song!"

She doesn't give you a chance and pulls you with her, but you don't feel like dancing right now.


	16. Aftermath

 

**Kylo Ren**

 

 

She was right there, a drunken mess. Nima clung onto your chest so she wouldn't fall. Why did she always have to drink so much? You wouldn't like it one bit. Losing that much control of yourself. You put your hands on her waist and slowly help her sit on the couch. She mumbles some things, but you can't understand a word she's trying to say to you. You lift up her chin and make her look at you. She smiles and pays attention to every little detail on your mask.

"You can't come to my room like this..."

"Like what?"

"Like...This. I will not take you back to your quarters at this hour. You can stay here tonight, but we need to have a word about this tomorrow.."

"Okay..fine..Whatever."

you shift uncomfortably and try not push her away when she rests her head on your chest.  
"Why..Why did you come here tonight?"

"Because I felt like hanging out with you."

"You shouldn't feel like that."

"But you're my friend now. And I'm yours."

She looks up at you and leaves you completely speechless. Did she really feel that way? You never had a friend before. Not since you were little. _A friend._ That sounded way nicer than you wanted to admit.  
"I don't think I should be your friend."

She manages to push herself away from you and lies down. "I'm never drinking again."

You leave her on the couch after tucking her in with a blanket. You lie awake for hours in your own bed, thinking about what it meant to have a friend. Did it mean she thought highly of you now? That she trusted you? You think about what you expected from a friend. You had no idea how this worked, you knew however that friends were supposed to help each other, and hang out a lot. Kind of like Chewbacca and Han Solo, your father, you thought. General Hux and you hung out a lot too. But it wasn't the same, was it? No. You couldn't stand him, you would've murdered him long ago if he wasn't a general. You close your eyes again and make another unsuccessful attempt to get some sleep. Nima pops up everywhere; with clothes, without clothes, in your shower, in your bed... This woman was ruining everything piece by piece. You had worked so hard to be the man you were now, stepping into your grandfather's footsteps, doing what no other could have done... Your body jumps up when someone opens the door to your bedroom. Your first instinct is to put on your mask and grab your lightsaber. It must have been a ridiculous look, completely naked except for your helmet and boxers.

"WHO goes there?!" You catch a glimpse of Nima's puffy curls, and relax.

"Sir i'm so sorry to wake you...I ..I don't remember how i got here...But that doesn't matter now. There's was a message.. "

"Close the door."

"Follow my voice." You pull her on the bed, but not too close. She's surprised to feel your bare arms. Her thoughts quickly travel to an image of you without clothes..you cant make out if she's worried about that or just curious.

"The message. Did you see it?"

"N-n-no sir. I didn't. I swear."

You barely touch her face when you stretch out your hand. But when you penetrate her mind, you cant find what you're looking for. She didn't open any message. She shakes her head, her eyes widen when you dig a little deeper. She doesn't let you. She ALWAYS let you in before. "What are you hiding?"

"Please..it hurts..stop!" You pull your hand back and look her up and down.

"I would love for you to give me a reason to treat you like dirt again. Don't mess with me."

You get up from the bed. What could she possibly want to keep a secret so bad? That she thought of Ben every few days? No, this had to be something big. Something you would disapprove of.

"I don't have a secret...i..i mean its not my secret. It's Zazu's and i promise you it doesn't concern you in the slightest.."

When you don't immediately respond, she seems to rethink the words she just spoke. The apology she had given.

"Why do you always read my mind?! Why?!"

You chuckle and shrug casually. "Because yours is interesting.."

You open the message and read it quietly. You take your time to take it all in, You were finally boarding the finalizer tomorrow. You take in a deep breath. The war was just about to begin, finally you could put your skills and years of training to good use. It was dark enough to step out of bed without being embarrassed with Nima being there and all. She follows your example, but takes a step back when she feels you're getting a bit too close. You deliberately keep stepping forward so she is forced to lean against the wall.

"Get in the closet."

She doesn't move when you give her the order, so you take her hand and gently lead her to where you want her to be. She shivers and goes inside. You move some of the hangers aside so the two of you could enter the spacious closet. It was even darker here than in your room, but you don't remove your helmet yet.

"Do you remember what I told you the first time we met?"

"..yes sir. You didn't want me here."

You take off your helmet and drop it on the ground. You push Nima against the wall and gently touch her cheek, down to her chin, then her shoulders. You don't continue right away because she doesn't seem to respond the way you want her to. Her body is so tense you wonder if she'll have a stroke right here in front of you.

_Don't be afraid.._

"I'm..not afraid."

 

 

You lean in and let your full lips meet hers. You move slow enough to let her adjust to the sensation of kissing, when she responds to the kiss however, you allow yourself to move a little faster. Your arm moves around her waist,you pull her closer and start kissing her more passionately. You didn't even think anymore, for once in a very long time you let go of yourself, you allowed this fuzzy warm feeling to spread around your body like poison. The thrill you felt was nothing like piloting the fastest ship you've ever flown or putting your lightsaber through an enemy's heart, it was something far more exciting.

 

\-------------------------

 

**Nima**

 

 

He's getting more greedy and rough, but you don't mind. Your arms swing around his neck, one hand going through his thick hair, one moment you're just going through it,the next you're pulling it like a maniac, to get him closer to your own body. He gladly obeys and pushes against you. You can feel his cock getting bigger and bigger, making you feel all sorts of things down there. His hands move to your breasts, and you want nothing more than to see where this is going, until your brain decides otherwise.

_I'm making out with my boss_

_I'm kissing KYLO REN. This dangerous. What am I doing.WHY do i want this_

He picked up on that too, and pulls away from you. You both need a few seconds to catch your breath before Kylo Ren picks up his helmet from the floor.  
"Kylo..I..I..."

But you're not even sure you want to explain your sudden draw back. You shouldn't have to. This was wrong and it should be stopped now before things get too complicated.

_This. Was. Wrong._

You repeat the words like a mantra, but it's hard to convince your very horny lady parts. You almost even decide to go through with it after all, but Ren puts his helmet back on his head.

"Go back to your chambers, I'll see you tomorrow."

"What? No you can't just--" You deeply wish he would have silenced you with another kiss instead of using the force.

"I don't like repeating myself. I'll see you tomorrow."

 

\-------------------------

 

You don't want to leave your bed. The hangover wasn't even the worst part, it was that shitty feeling of rejection that led you to this point, sobbing under your blanket while you should be packing right now. Jodee and Zazu wouldn't be joining you this time. You weren't even sure where you were going this time, only that the underrated comfort of the starkiller base was behind you now. There's a small package lying on your bed stand, but you hadn't bothered to look at it when you got back yesterday night. What happened between you and Kylo Ren almost ruined the fact that you had the best birthday party you ever had. But att one point drunk you had decided it was an excellent idea to hang out with your boss in the middle of the night. There was just so much to think about, so many questions filled your mind.

You get up and start folding your clothes into your suitcase to take your mind off of things. You weren't sure when you'd be back here, so you packed everything you had, including Leia's book. You figure Zazu would understand, since you would have a lot of alone time on the new star destroyer. Zazu still had Jodee's company, and you weren't sure if the Commander still wanted to see you after work hours.

 

\-------------------------

 

**Kylo Ren**

 

 

All the things you would have done to her. All the things you could have whispered in her ear while fucking her like an animal  
The soft moans coming from her mouth the minute you stopped kissing her to let her breathe for a moment. If it didn't happen yesterday night, would it ever? But just like her thoughts said, this was wrong.

You inspect your room before you give orders to prepare for take off. You hadn't seen Nima yet, instead you ordered a trooper to escort her to her new chambers. She wasn't aware yet of where you were taking her, and hopefully it would please her enough to regain some bits of her friendship once again.

It had just seemed like such an appropriate time to kiss and feel her. Maybe you were wrong about this, maybe this whole feeling was one sided after all. You shouldn't have made this move so quickly, you lost your patience and with that there would be consequences.


	17. Coruscant part 1

You sit alone in your new bedroom, trying to figure out where to put your decoration lights. The room was a little bit smaller than the previous one, but it had a window so you could watch the stars all day and night if you wanted to. You get a message on your data pad from Ben, asking if you liked the present he had sent you, but you can't answer that, because it was still all wrapped up and untouched. You take a look at the small rectangular present, wrapped in glittery blue paper and a big white ribbon on top. You could already guess the kind of present inside of it; A piece of jewelry, most likely a necklace or a bracelet that was so expensive you wouldn't even dare to look at it for longer than 5 minutes. Something beautiful matching your look perfectly, which would impress you and everyone else. All by all it would be too good to be true, and you'd feel guilty wearing it because somehow you managed to kiss one of the most feared men in the galaxy. You look out of your window and sigh. Where would he drag you to next...

\-------------------------

You can't believe your eyes when you see the planet you're travelling to. Had he done this on purpose? bringing you to your Coruscant? You head out the door and walk until you reach LL-0250's room. You lift your fist to knock on her door but she opens it before you can. "Hi!"

"um..Hey. Looks like your training is paying off." You smile at her and go inside. She hasn't decorated her room at all, everything was extremely tidy and organized, which seems logical because she was raised for the military from birth.

"So, are you excited?"

"Are you kidding me? I always wanted to go to Coruscant! I'm SO happy!"

"Yea me too, I hope I can visit my family." You take a seat on her bed and watch her closely. It had been a few days since you took off. You hadn't been in contact with LL or anyone else for that matter.

"So did you see the Commander recently?"

LL doesn't look at you, she finds it an uncomfortable question for some reason. "Yes, I did."

"..Okay."

"I'm sorry..I'm not allowed to say anything."

"I didn't ask anything. Just wanted to make conversation. Don't worry."

You give her a reassuring smile, but now you definitely know something's up, and that he was avoiding you after recent events. _wait. He wasn't dropping you off wasn't he? Nooo...He couldn't just do that._ "Fucking coward." You get up and storm out of LL's room, she has no idea why you suddenly became so angry.

\-------------------------

 

**Kylo Ren**

 

You lay in a bath, eyes closed, relaxing before you have to start your mission on Coruscant. A few days of not seeing her did wonders to your mind. Maybe you should leave her there while you're at it. You smile. Everything was going to be okay. A sudden loud noise brings you out of your relaxed state, you jump up and listen to footsteps entering your chambers. _She's here._ You reach out to the chair standing next to the bath, but you realise you left your helmet inside with the rest of your clothes. Nima bangs on the bathroom door. That fucking savage. How dare she. Still sitting in the tub, you grab the nearest towel and hold it before your mouth.

"GO AWAY !"

"NO! Open the door!"

"What?! No! I'm naked! Go away!"

"You can't just ignore me!"

She tries to force it open with her bare hands.

"What has gotten into you?!"

She doesn't respond so you get out of the bath. So much for a nice quiet afternoon. She bangs on your door again, so you do the same from your side, but much harder, much crazier.

"I will break your fucking hands if you touch that door one more time!"

"I hate you!"

You close your eyes and feel her presence, she's sitting down against the wall, was she..crying? You certainly felt her sadness wash over you.  
"Nima...Stop crying..Please..I can't come out. I'm..I'm naked."

Talking with a towel in front of your face wasn't very pleasant, but it worked.  
"Nima..? Can you please leave my room for a few seconds at least? I need to get out of here."

When she finally gets up and leaves, you rush out of the door and quickly put on a long tunic and your helmet, the rest didn't matter right now. You were still soaking wet but you didn't care. You don't want to make her wait, but when you open the door to let her back in, she's gone.

\-------------------------

**Nima**

 

It was embarrassing. You had completely lost it. You showed Ren how little you trusted him, thinking he would just dump you somewhere so he wouldnt have to deal with the awkwardness of the kiss any longer. You should have known better. He wouldn't actually give you a personal ride home of he fired you after all, but your temper had gotten the better of you, again.

It was too late to reverse it, so instead of moping and hiding in your room, you made a little list in your head of the things you wanted to do if you got to Coruscant. You're completely psyched to receive the schedule of this week. It looked like Ren was going to send u off alone to run some errands in the shady part of town. The ship had landed last night, and if you'd get these tasks done quick enough, your parents would be receiving a surprise visit tonight. You plunder your entire closet looking for the perfect outfit. You add a long black cape and start with your hair. You're just about done when LL-0250 opens your door. You had protested for hours before your boss could convince you it was not at all a bad idea to take her into the big city. She wasn't old enough to encounter all the things and beings you would see. But then again you had to remind yourself you were even younger, and probably dumber, too. LL wasn't just 'some kid'. She was Kylo Ren's apprentice.

\-------------------------

"So, am i babysitting you or is it possibly the other way around?"

"Well, I _am_ better at fighting than you..But you are more familiar with the area. I'd say it's 50-50."

The streets seem even dirtier than before. You were getting used to seeing the clean halls of the First Order's base and ships. Your hood covered your head and most of your face,and you have to remind LL several times not to make eye contact with any of the people wandering around this foul place. No matter how many tentacles some of their faces have. She wasn't used to seeing so many different species or genders in one place, but just like on most planets you had been to, staring was rude, and could even end up into an ugly fight or an early grave.

The deeper you delve into Coruscant's lower levels, the more you wonder what it is you're delivering, and more importantly, to whom. For your first errand, you were given a holo cube by Ren himself, apparently he only trusted you with it. There was no additional information given whatsoever. _"Just go and give the cube to the winner of the last round."_  
Could he have been any vaguer?  
You hesitate before entering a small dodgy looking cantina, especially now that you have a minor with you. 

"Don't talk to _anyone_ even if someone asks you a question. _Especially_ if someone asks you a question" You correct yourself.  
Most bars had those few little dark corners where people often talked about business no one else was supposed to know about, this one however had nothing much else to offer. No one blinked an eye when you and LL sat down at one of their tables. You looked around cautiously, the young Rodian server woman behind the bar was intimately talking to one of her customers, probably trying to get some extra cash before her shift was over. There was a small group of squibs drinking and laughing together, although it was only morning, they seemed to be very drunk, they had probably stayed here all night. not far from them was a Nikto, reading something in a foreign language from his data pad. Whatever it was he was reading couldn't have been important, because it was there for everybody else to see. It all seemed a bit too dull, until your eyes spotted the Sabacc table at the end of the bar, the small area was secluded from the rest with some raggy see through curtains. There were 6 people playing, and some others surrounding the players, watching the game closely while whispering advise to their 'friends'. One of the viewers was a very tall hairy creature, wearing some sort of belt around his body. Your eyes widened when you saw who he was standing behind.

\-------------------------

 

"We weren't supposed to stare!" LL-0250 kicks your foot under the table.

"Yes..Yes You're right." You pull your hood up and keep your head down. Maybe they hadn't noticed you. They probably didn't care anyway. You were just some girl, curious about the famous duo. It was totally normal to stare, right? You look at LL who starts to feel a little uncomfortable just sitting there, not talking, not drinking anything. You had ordered drinks, but it didn't seem wise to actually consume them. Not before the cube was delivered. You had to wait until their game was over. You had to make some sort of small talk, but what should you talk about? You desperately wanted to discuss Han Solo, and the adventures you had read about. The two almost seemed like a myth, some sort of legend parents told their little kids about before bedtime. But he was sitting right there, on Coruscant, wearing that famous old jacket. What was in that cube? It had to be for his father, it had to be. Unless of course...He lost.

"I have to use the bathroom."

"You can't go to the bathroom, you'll catch some sort of disease. Just wait a little longer.."

"Okay...Can you at least tell me something? Anything?"

"Okay..sure. What hair product do you use?"

"My..What? Hair products? Seriously?"

"I'm trying my hardest here. My brain is turning into jelly."

"What are we having for lunch?"

"lunch? How should I know? I'm not the cook."

"We're not going to eat at the ship..right? You promised to show me around."

"I know I did but I didn't say anything about food. Although I _am_ craving noodles."

"I don't like noodles."

"You don't even know good food. You're used to gross healthy food."

"How do you know I don't like the taste of healthy, nutritious food?"

"After today, you'll hate it. You want lunch, well I'm taking you to lunch. I --"

You both turn your heads when both cheers and cursing are heard from the Sabacc table. their card game was over. And just like Kylo Ren had predicted, his father had won.


	18. Coruscant part 2

"So now what?!"

LL looks concerned while Han and Chewbacca get up from the table.  
You weren't sure if you should tell LL why this particular person made you so nervous all of a sudden.  
But before you could even think of a plan, the duo seemed to be in a hurry to leave.  
You open your mouth when they pass your table, but it was too late. They left. The door slammed shut behind them.

"Come on! We can't lose them now!" LL jumped up and dragged you outside with her.  
You pull up your hood and follow her, but the few seconds you wasted on staying in your seat were enough to lose sight of them.  
But unlike you, LL wasn't going to give up so easily.

"This way!"

You're running as fast as you can, following the quick and agile apprentice, who made you feel ashamed of how out of shape you were. To you it seemed useless trying to track them through all these different alleys, but LL knew exactly where you had to go.

"There they are!"

Your heart skips a beat when you exit the alleyway into another street where you suddenly found yourself in an enormous crowd of people, because some genius thought it would be a great idea to put a market right here in the narrowest street he could find. Wonderful. You do however spot the wookie. LL starts shoving people aside to get through, and you apologise humbly to everyone who looked offended by her behavior. The last thing you needed right now was a fight.

"Beautiful scarves for a beautiful lady?"  
You're surprised when a man pops up in front of you, carrying all sorts of scarves, bangles and shades.

"What? No, thanks. Pardon me"

"They're 50% off ,you know!"

"I _said_ no thanks. Now please get out of my way!"  
You're desperately looking around for any sign of LL's blond pigtails, but just like Han's giant furry friend, she's gone. "For fuck's sake!"

"That's no way to talk for a nice young lady!" The scarf guy says mildly offended, for which reason you did not know.

" Well, i'm not nice! And thanks to you i lost my friend you stupid fuckwad of a--"

you definitely weren't expecting a clap on the back of your head when another person in your presence came to defend the man you were shouting at. You turn around to face an older woman.

"What the hell, why would you do that! "

"You were attacking my husband! No one talks to my husband like that!"  
You're too confused by these idiots to respond. You wanted to give her a rude answer but you were wasting too much valuable time.

"Okay, i apologise, i will leave now."

You turn around and try to get through the crowd when you hear the wife ordering her husband around.

"Well Edd, the girl apologised, now say sorry for wasting her time! "  
And just like that the man manages to pop up in front of you _again_.

"What?! No! I don't care really i just need to go, now!"

"You may take a scarf for free then. Or a bangle."

"No that's fine i don't need--"

"Either take the free scarf or goddamn fight me, i'm sick of carrying these around!"

"okay FINE. "  
You take a pink one and move away as quickly as you can from these crazy old people.

The farther you go, The bigger this market became. You weren't able too see much in the distance because just like most of the time, you weren't nearly as tall as the average person walking around. You needed to find some higher ground, a table or something. Your climbing skills weren't that impressive but you manage to find a large enough garbage container.

You're starting to panic when you can't see anything close resembling her or the wookie. And it shouldn't be that hard to spot such a large specimen.

"LL ! LL where are you?!"  
People start looking at you, but you don't care. You just continue screaming your lungs out.  
"LL!"  
You were in such deep trouble, You've lost her, in this literally planet-sized city, you have lost a minor, that sweet young girl and you didn't want to think about what could happen to her if she fell into the wrong hands. And the chances of her getting hurt were grand.  
"ELLEEEEE ! LL were are you! It's Nima!"  
Shit. Why wasn't she responding? She couldn't have gone that far without noticing you weren't catching up.That meant...No you couldn't think like that right now. You had to keep your head clear.  


"LL-0250 answer me NOW!"  
Your throat hurts but you keep trying, looking in every direction, until something, or rather someone, finally overpowers your deafening screams. A frighting roar, coming from behind you. You turn around and skip a few heartbeats when the enormous hairy beast stands in front of you. He growls again, this time more quietly however, and slowly lowers his gigantic body to take a closer look at you. Even When you were standing on the container, he was taller. He could take you down right now, without any effort at all, and the people watching wouldn't be foolish enough to try and safe you. He tilts his head to the side, making another one of his strange sounds. It even sounded as if he was concerned about you, as if he wanted to know why you were so upset. But you didn't understand or speak wookie, so maybe they used tones differently.  


"P-p-p-please..."  
You shake your head.  
"I-i just want to find my friend.."  
Chewbacca nods and Roars so loud you swear you can feel the earth around you trembling.

It doesn't take long until another familiar face shows up. As Chewie helps you get off the container, Han Solo worms himself through the crowd. "Chewie!" He notices you and looks you up and down. "We need to go, now!"  
Chewbacca protests, nodding in your direction, telling him to help you first. Well, you weren't exactly sure _what_ he was saying but you knew he had your back.  
"We don't have time for this!"  
"Rrrrrrr-ghghghghgh!"  
"Okay, fine! But don't say I didn't warn you!"  


You are perplexed seeing this man so up close. He has a stern look on his face, and you suddenly feel scared to disappoint him in any way. If you even blinked the wrong way he would judge you for the rest of his life. You _really_ wanted to impress this legend of a man, and win his approval of your existence. You run along, barely able to keep up with these long legged men. You don't know where you were going yet, but there was no time for questions.

\-------------------------

 

**Kylo Ren**

There's an emptiness inside of you. Something that's taking away your drive, its blocking your path to greatness. You've had this battle inside of your head for far too long now. It has blinded you, weakened you.

"Help me conquer this. Show me that power once more..."

But no one would be answering your prayers this time. You were on your own. You think about Nima and the task you had given her. The message you had prepared earlier, for your father.

"She's going to fuck it up.."  
You tell yourself quietly. Of course she was. You cant help but grin. It was hard to explain why it was amusing to see her fail. She was just so...inexperienced. maybe you just felt better about yourself if she wasn't good at many things. It surely took the spotlight off of your embarrassing mishaps. Or maybe it was so you could comfort her after, telling her it was okay, that she shouldn't be so hard on herself. Then she would cry and hug you. Because she felt your support. This would never happen in real life of course. She _should_ be hard on herself.

with your free time, you try to think of a way to tell Nima who you really are, and how to get her to really like Kylo Ren. The _real_ scary, violent, powerful Kylo Ren. You never had much interest in girls before, maybe just one time, back when you were about 16 years old. But that was still different. Now that you had found someone worthy of your attention and affection, it could be a good time to form a relationship. Not only would it benefit you and the future of your bloodline, but it would be nice, coming home from a dangerous mission, to a beautiful girl who admires and misses you. You could bring her a special gemstone from every planet you had to visit during your missions, or some kind of sweet treat typical from the region it was made.

Girls sure were time consuming. What would other men do in your situation? Being her boss and all...  
Han Solo is the first male that comes to mind. Putting on that ridiculous smirk, acting all cool and confident. Never doubting himself for one second. He would annoy Nima with his arrogance...ans somehow he'd still know exactly what to do or say to sweep her off her feet. Then, later in life he would break her heart and act like a dick to his son because he didn't even _TRY_ to understand him. It couldn't go through that thick skull of his, that he might not be the best choice to be a parent. _Bastard_.

But what about men like...Uncle Luke? This was a tricky one, because you had never imagined Luke being with someone romantically at all. Would Nima be impressed by his Jedi skills? Or would she get sick of his constant whining in just a few days?

General Hux would take her to lavish dinners and unnecessary social events, showing her off like a trophy. He'd find some clever way to trick her into thinking he was an actual decent human being. But in the end she'd see him for the cockroach he really was. Not to mention he would probably cheat on her _all_ the time. A different girl on every planet. No, he would never understand how special she was.

Maybe this wasn't the way to figure it out. _Maybe_ , you needed to hear a women's perspective.


	19. Kylo's Quest

**Kylo Ren**

 

You wander the streets of Coruscant, and feel determent to find the perfect solution on this day. It's nice to feel the wind blow through your hair, and to blend in with the crowd now that you aren't wearing your usual cape and mask. between the millions of addresses found on your data pad, you found a somewhat reliable relationship guru, whatever the fuck that was suppose to mean, who had had a lot of experience helping people with their relationships, at least the reviews said so. You enter a restaurant and order some fried rice with chicken. As you sit down and wait for your food to be prepared an brought to your table, you notice everyone in here is with a partner. You subtly study some of their interactions with each other, and try to listen to their conversations. The couple sitting closest to you seemed to be on what was only their 3rd date. The girl couldn't look at anything else, and didn't seem so hungry, and the guy kept talking about how greatly he was valued at his new job. Although you felt like the girl was really into him, she looked bored after a while. You jump up when the waitress places your food in front of you. You notice her friendly smile and try to somewhat smile back. It must have looked awful, because she can't help but giggle.

"Would you like to have a drink with that?"

You think for a few seconds. A soda? or maybe some tea...

"Yes, um..--"

"Great, my shift ends in 30 minutes!" She says before you get the chance to order a drink. She winks at you before she walks back into the kitchen.  
You turn red and suddenly don't feel so hungry anymore. Did she just..trick you? Into a date? You couldn't just leave now, could you? You shouldn't have gone inside alone...Look at all these people, she probably thought you were looking for love! This was awful. You poke at your food and think about that soda you're never going to get.

You awkwardly wait outside for the girl to show up, she let down her brown hair and changed out of her uniform.  
"I thought you left me." She smiles brightly and plays with her hair.

"What's your name?"

"I'm...Ben. You?"

"Polly. Where would you like to go?"

"Um I'm not really from around here.."

"A traveler? That's cute. Okay come on, I'll show you the best places!"

Without a warning she takes your hand and drags you off towards a park, it was another romantic place.  
While you walk together, you try to avoid eye contact.  
You feel so uncomfortable knowing everyone who passes you thinks you're on a real date.  
"So what do you do?"

"I'm in the..um..business.."

"What kind of business?"

"I make..agreements...With people."

"You're funny!" She chuckles and takes your arm.

She probably thinks you're shy.

"So...Did you have many relationships?"

Her gleeful expression changes immediately. Was it not a good question? If she had experience she might be able to help you instead of that guru you were supposed to meet.

"Um..I don't know. What classifies as ' _many_ ' ?"

"I..I wouldn't know exactly."

You're at least glad that this is now as awkward for her as it is for you.You try to change the subject; "Actually, there is a place I would like to visit."

"Really? What place?"

"I've never seen the entertainment district before."

"Oh. Well if you really want to go there, I guess I could take you. But not now in broad daylight though. And I should probably invite some of my friends to come along as well. It's safer to go in a group, you know."

\-------------------------

You decide to meet up later with Polly and her friends at the noodle shop. Although you hadn't gone to see that guru, it felt like you were on the right path to find what you were looking for. Advice, wisdom, and experience. You're wearing something completely different for once, just to blend in better, or not to get recognized by certain folk. You're wearing a black sleeveless leather jacket and a grey shirt underneath it, some jeans and a new pair of boots. When you looked into the mirror, the outfit kind of reminded you of your father.

**_I look..GOOD._ **

You tuck your lightsaber away and head off to meet Polly. For a few seconds you wonder if it's such a good idea to leave the ship right now. If Nima came back tonight, if she was able to complete her tasks, you wouldn't be there. You look at your reflection in the glass window of the noodle shop. Well, it was too late. You looked too good to stay at home now.

"There he is!"

Polly runs up to you and takes your arm. "You look good!"  
She pulls you with her to her friends and introduces you to them.

"Guys, this is Ben. Ben, these are my friends, Hun Pao, Madeso, Fiona, Ko,..."

You try to remember all these people's names, but you can't. There are at least 10 people here who she calls friends. Why does one have so many friends ? You're starting to feel a bit uncomfortable in this group, because you're probably not ' _cool_ ' or ' _fun_ ' enough for these people. Each one of them had this colorful original look and hairstyle, as if they just spent 3 hours getting ready. You try to smile at the people in the group, but they don't pay you much attention when the lot of you head off to the Uscru Entertainment District.

You don't know why it is people generally disliked you. Even before the world knew about your grandfather, they just didn't want to be around you. Your fellow Padawans liked the idea of you, because you were Luke's nephew, but when they got to spend some time with you, they just didn't like you. You walk in the back of the group, the only one paying attention to your existence is Polly of course, but you knew she hated the fact that you didn't fit into a group.

**Your mind gives you some flashbacks you'd rather not see. A younger you, about 15 years old, nervously walking up to some other kids.**

**_Come on Ben..Just talk to them!_**

**The kids look up, two of them share some glances with each other. "Hey guys." You casually lean against a rock.**

 

**"...Hey."**

**"So...What are you guys doing this evening? I thought maybe it'd be fun to have a bonfire or something..you know.."**

**"Yea, we can't do that. We already made plans,so..."**  
**Some of the others could barely control their laughter, they thought you were some kind of freak.**

**"What kind of plans?" You try one more time. You had to be brave.**

**"You know..plans." The group turns around, and they all just walk away. What did you ever do to them ? You sit down and look at the blue sky. Even your own parents didn't want to be around you, so it wasn't an uncommon thing.**

**_What is wrong with me ?_ **

 

 

"So how long are you staying for?"

You snap out of your thoughts and look at Ko, one of Polly's friends.

"A few weeks, i think."

"You think? So you're not sure, then?"

"No. Not sure." Obviously. Was she slow or something? You use your exceptionally long legs to walk ahead to the front of the group, just fast enough so Ko can't follow you right away. You arrive in a wide busy pedestrian district, similar to the one you visited before on Hosnian prime, except this one had zero daylight whatsoever, the streets were filthy and packed with people.

  
**_How could anyone live in here..._**

  
No wonder Nima desperately wanted to leave.

"Hey let's go to Wulong's!" One of the guys suggests, the others quickly agree, you have no idea if it's a club or some kind of bar, the only thing you're certain of is that Polly isn't going to trick you, neither were her friends. You would stay sober and awake, keeping your mind sharp for the dangers this place could hold. This was an interesting experiment, you didn't know what this could accomplish, but you had a feeling this little trip would benefit you greatly.

\-------------------------

You lean against the bar and take a sip of your cocktail. It was named 'The Coruscant special' , and had a dark red colour, the ice cubes inside shined a bright neon blue.  
" so...you really like these fancy drinks, huh?"  
You look over at one of the guys who was holding a glass of beer.  
"Yes. Whats the point in drinking something i can get on literally every other planet in the galaxy? "

"Yea, I guess you're right about that. Be careful though, Coruscanti cocktails are stronger than they might taste."

"Hmpf. Sure they are."

One thing that every world had in common, was to boast about how strong their alcohol was. But you encountered the most notorious drink of all, back when you were just 12 years of age. 'Port in a storm', a Pamarthen wine you once found on your father's ship. Only to learn after that even he wouldn't touch that bottle. It belonged to Chewbacca.

You had hoped to spend some time with Polly, to learn more about dating or just girls in general, but she was busy dancing with her friends.

"Your taste in music is terrible." You say to the barkeep, who doesn't say much other than grunt a few insults under his breath. When everyone decides its time to find the next bar, you're the first to leave the building, worried they might change their minds. You walk close to Polly, trying to get into her head. You're distracted when a guy runs past you and your group, and Ko realises he took her purse from her. "Wait, no!"  
Your reaction is quicker than his legs, and in less than a second, everyone gets to watch how you paralyze this man just by stretching out your arm in his direction. He was nothing but a statue now, his only expression was the intense fear in his eyes, he lost all control of his own body, he was nothing but a mere puppet.  
You probably should have thought about the consequences before doing all of this, the whole street saw you using the force.

\-------------------------

"Who the fuck do you think you're messing with,kid? How did you think this was gonna go?"  
You stare deep into the eyes of a scared young man, who can no longer move or even speak. You take Ko's bag from his filthy hands and throw it to Polly. You're not done with this guy yet. You take a deep breath and strike him as hard as you can across his cheek, he falls to the ground, but before you can kick all of his teeth out, 4 men come running towards you, they're holding weapons, and are ready to defend their 'friend'. You turn to them and see no other choice than to take out your lightsaber. You were not going to get shot tonight. Polly and her friends duck behind a dumpster, afraid to get hit. The street is in chaos, people are running around, fearing for their lives. This all because of some stupid bag.  
"Step away from him. This doesn't have to end in violence." One of the guys says, pointing his blaster to you.  
You chuckle and turn on your lightsaber. "Oh but I think it does."  
They all look in surprise, it wasn't a common weapon after all.

"Don't fear this wannabe Jedi! Fire!"

All at once they start shooting at you, but you manage to counter their attacks with ease. They were no match for you, not by far. One by one they try to approach you, thinking they might get a chance to hit you at least once. That's when you drag one of them towards you, using telekinesis, and use him as a shield. His comrades can't act quick enough and accidentally shoot their associate multiple times in the leg, he starts screaming uncontrollably, so you drop him next to the thief, on the cold city stones. The others have stopped shooting, and finally seem to realise they don't have a chance against someone like you.

 

 

\-------------------------

You open your eyes and blink a few times to get a clearer view. The first thing you see is the back of someone's head, black hair. You notice you're laying in a bed, with dark grey sheets. You carefully sit up straight, but the girl next to you wakes up because of your movement. You try to identify this person, this whole scenario actually. **_Wake up. Wake up._** You tell yourself. You look around, this is definitely _your_ room. You lift up the sheets a bit and notice you're completely naked. A quick peek confirms your company is also naked. Great. She turns around and smiles at you.

"..Ko?! What are you doing in my bed? What the _fuck_ happened last night?"

She yawns and rubs her eyes. "Can't we sleep a little longer..I'm having the worst hangover right now."

You yourself feel your head throbbing as well, but you needed an explanation.  
Maybe another approach. You lay down beside her and put your arm around her waist. "So..Did you have a good time last night?"  
She opens her eyes and smiles. "Did _I_ have a good time? Man it was the greatest evening of my _life_." She yawns again and kisses your cheek. "You were such a hero last night...No man ever did what you did, just for me. I'm so glad I've met you."

She must be talking about the fight...That's one of the last things you remember, everyone surrounding you afterwards, calling you a hero, giving you free drinks, _way_ too many drinks...Wait.

"What happened to Polly?"

"Polly? I don't know. She's probably still asleep."

"No i mean, did she--"

You stop when someone starts banging on your door.

"Commander, Sir please I need your help! You have to come _right NOW_!"


End file.
